2016: The Year That's Not That Bad

Yeah, you read the name of this blog right, 2016, was NOT THAT BAD!  Sure we have an idiot president elect, but half of you thought we did from 2001-2009 and we seem to be alright (barring any weird Russian friendship we seem to be developing).  And half the people reading this think we have an idiot president now (I think you're wrong, but you won't admit it because he's not on your team or that he's....not the same as you...he was also born in this country so enough with that crap).

2016 will also be known as the year of celebrity deaths...but that will also be 2017, and 2018, and 2019, and so on, and so on, and so on.  Not to sound like a jerk, but there are so many celebrities, especially older ones, that it's bound to start coming in droves.

Another thing that bugged me about celeb deaths this year, all the posts!  I'll admit, I posted about Prince, because I LEGIT LISTENED TO PRINCE!  I noticed people posting who probably could name 1999 and When Doves Cry and that's it.  I saw people posting on David Bowie who I don't think even heard any of his songs.  Hell, I love music and I can only name you four Bowie songs (and shockingly, I like the Wallflowers cover more of Heroes more than his...judge, I don't care).

So many people were posting about these deaths to get attention and internet points, it was insane.  I mean, I liked Muhammad Ali as much as anyone but come on, if you're my age you didn't need to post anything, you never once saw him box.  You might have liked his appearance in Wrestlemania I, maybe?!



Enough on that tangent, let's get in to the meat and potatoes of this article.  2016...not being that bad.  A lot of good has happened in 2016 that you may have missed.  I'm going to post my personal list of why 2016 wasn't so bad.  Enjoy.

- Are you reading this?  Well you're alive!  Hooray!  That means you can still do more than complain about how bad 2016 was on the internet.  You can go outside and complain about 2016.  Or go on an adventure.  Life isn't that bad, so stop pretending that it is.  You're freaking ALIVE!

- Have you been to Burger King?  Because if you haven't it's the golden age of Burger King food.
One in particular stands out:



What a time to be alive!  Your generation may have had the moon landing, but we got Mac N Cheetos, so yeah...we win.  Add in their great work with breakfast and it's a surprise I'm not sponsored by Burger King (pleeeease, pay me a free Whopper Jr. a month guys!).

- On a personal note, even more personal than Mac N Cheetos, my wife and I bought a house this year.  And I'm sure you've done something just as cool.  Celebrate your own accomplishments this year, be positive.  We got a house I never thought I'd live in.  It's awesome, it's new, it's great.

- I grew a beard this year.  It was incredible.  It was so good, I can only count on two fingers how many people hated it.  I also have a crazy dog, but I like my crazy dog.  So here is a picture of both, conveniently in my awesome house I love:



- Let's keep this going.  My wife and I are having a kid.  This is the most important thing I've ever accomplished.  Even bigger than when I beat Super Mario RPG:



I cannot wait to become a father, considering I never had one.  I can't wait to actually be there for my kid and everything she does.  It's a great year to create a child.

- Also the majority of my friends have had kids this year, which is phenomenal.  I can count about 12 new kids names that I already can't remember (I'm bad with names)  And that happened in "the worst year ever".  No, it happened in a year like every single one...other than 2001, that year sucked.

- More personal notes, I got to see my cousin Baltimore, seeing Philadelphia, Washington D.C. and the first state in the union, Deleware!  Got to go to Wichita with my wife for a fun wedding.  Was in one of my best friends weddings in Sioux Falls.  Got to go on my first cruise in the Gulf of Mexico and see Cozumel and Progreso.  Minneapolis to see basically every store in the Mall of America.  I also received a 49'ers luchador mask...finally (the only good thing 49'ers related to happen to me in 2016)!



- I moved back to my hometown of Vermillion which isn't all that bad.  It's quiet.  I get to see my friends and some family more consistently and I can legit go to Wal-Mart and not think I'll be shanked.

- I also was lucky enough to leave a job I despised, oddly in a position I sadly was perfect for at my alma mater. Trust me, working there was far worse than anything I've ever had to endure and leaving a boss who was truly awful made me appreciate the places I had worked before .  Not many people are lucky enough to get to leave a place that makes them unhappy, I'm grateful for that.

- Let's get to sports!  2016, you brought us a Chicago Cubs World Series.  Can you believe that!?  The freaking Chicago Cubs won a World Series, handing over the longest sports drought to the Arizona Cardinals.  Amazing.

- Peyton Manning won a Super Bowl to finish his career, I'm okay with that, even though Broncos fans are a bit much sometimes.

- 2016 also brought the Cleveland Cavaliers their first championship.  Hell Cleveland in general had a good sports year.  The Cavs won the NBA Championship.  The Cleveland Indians made the World Series and will probably win one in the next few years.  And the Cleveland Browns are going to be god awful, but they may be so bad, that in about 3-4 years, if done right, they will finally be good.

- The Houston Rockets no longer wear these!



I mean, it's been a while, but at least they don't wear them, yuck.  Worst jersey ever.  (Oooh, another blog idea!).

- AJ Styles debuted!  If you don't know what that means then that's okay!  He rules.



- Leo DiCaprio, the most "unlucky" guy in the world finally won his Oscar (oddly for the worst movie he was nominated for....Wolf of Wall Street is phenomenal).  So that happened!

- Here is a PBS link with even more good things that happened, that I'm too lazy to write about:
Good Things to Happen.

Hey you're back from that link!  That was some good stuff!  Grad rates better, less teen birth no matter how hard Teen Mom tries.  Yay!

- Now if you've been here, you know I hate the Kardashian's, but I love Kylie Jenner, and she's done some amazing work this year!  Such as:



Kleeman/Jenner 2032.  Will she be old enough to be my vice president by then!?  WHO CARES!?

- Music has been great this year, touched on in an earlier blog which can be found here:

Best Music of 2016

These are just a few of the things I found great about 2016, did you have anything good happen?

Feel free to share, or call me an idiot for trying to show you that this year wasn't all that bad!  Next year will be even better with the arrival of my daughter (two weeks!).  Two of my good friends I grew up with are getting married next year.  More trips in store.  More things will happen good and bad.  But remember, without the bitter, the sweet just ain't as sweet.  So calm down, be happy, appreciate what you got, and keep reading my blog (I like the numbers!).

Thanks for reading.  See you next year, which is Sunday.

Jeff Kleeman

NES Review From Z - A: Part IV: Super Mario!

It has now been a week since I was going to write this blog.  Why have I taken so long?  Mario.  That and, well, life.  Kids coming, holidays are here, Shameless binge watch complete, time to get to that review of the best gaming series in history (sorry Ratchet and Clank!).

SUPER MARIO BROS!



I usually review a lot more games than just three, but these three games are so iconic, I decided to cover this because without Mario, I probably wouldn't be writing a blog that 104 people read (thanks guys!).

So I've had Mario in my life as long as I can remember.  I grew up playing Super Mario Bros. 1-3 on the original NES.  I begged my mom to get me a Super Nintendo (SNES), just so I could play Super Mario World.  In between that, Mario taught me how to drive horribly in Mario Kart.  At the tail end of the SNES, I rented my favorite game, Super Mario RPG so many times, the jerk kid at the video store told me I should just buy it.  Then that let to Super Smash Bros and even more Mario Kart in college.  I love Mario.

Now with the release of Super Mario Run on the iPhone, I've gotten in the bad habit of playing it...a lot.  I haven't splurged yet on the other levels, but you want some tips on levels 1-3, you got it, just text me.

*message to Nintendo, don't release a game for 9.99 just to have it so you can only play 3 levels.  I get the money grab aspect of this.  How about starting off with 4-8 levels, then making us pay? 

Long story short, I love Super Mario, and occasionally Luigi...oh and definitely Peach.



So with this review, I will be covering 1-3.  Not the original Mario Bros. game, which in it's own right is fun, but it's just, well, it's a whole lot of jumping, but worth adding to your collection.



So let's start, backwards as usual, with arguably the best game released on the Nintendo Entertainment System.

Super Mario Bros. 3

This game is so good it even came with it's own Fred Savage starring commercial...um....I mean movie.

*Nintendo, to appease for your mistakes of Super Mario Run, please come out with a sequel to The Wizard, title it "The Wizard: Lucas's Revenge" with complete original cast.  Please and thanks.



Back to the game.  It's pretty amazing.  Easily a top all time game, let alone all time top NES game.

The game is so in-depth, there are hidden parts of levels all over the place.  Hell, it was the first time I ever used a strategy guide as a kid, just to see what else I was missing (basically everything).  It also turned me on to the fun of gambling and guessing cards, great job NES!

The game still holds up today, it's fun as hell, and on my replay, even though I didn't want to, I warped, just to try to beat it in record time.

Did I beat it on my replay?  No, but only because I was in a hurry to get this article done...a week ago...the same article that I am just now writing.  So I'll try to beat the game before my kid is born... maybe.

For your collection, this, and spoiler alert, every game in this blog review are must own.

Super Mario Bros 2.

This is one of the most underrated games ever made.  Mario 2 started out as a game without Mario at all.

Originally called Yume Kojo, Mario was integrated in to this game after people found the original sequel to Super Mario too difficult (which if you had/have an SNES, you can play the difficult levels on Super Mario All-Stars).

The fun part about this game, you get to play as 4 playable characters: Mario, Luigi, Toad and Peach.
Each character had their own strengths, and it also led to my intense hate of anything Luigi related, simply because it's so damn hard to play with his feet always wiggling around.



It also was the first time you got to take on Birdo, quite possibly the first trans videogame character.
This was a game truly ahead of its time.



Also this is one of the few Mario games where Bowser isn't the main enemy, it's a villain named Wart.



Which naming him Wart seemingly follows the trend of naming NES characters after deformities, looking at you Battletoads characters!



* Nintendo, can someone, anyone, get a Battletoads remake in motion?!  ANYBODY!?

Super Mario 2 is great, another must own.  That now leads us to the game that started it all.

Super Mario Bros.

I have the classic Mario Bros/Duck Hunt double cartridge.  (I won't talk much of Duck Hunt, we all know Duck Hunt is great, but I can't play it as my NES gun doesn't reflect off of these new fangled TV's.... so my review of Duck Hunt, it's really fun...for 10 minutes...there).

I have played Super Mario so much, I can beat the first level with my eyes closed (thanks college, and to one of my best chums Eric "Ras" Rasmussen for that idea).  We played Mario so much we came up with our own challenges.  Playing the first level without powering up while intoxicated (tasks, tasks, all these tasks!), we also tried to speed beat it, trying to emulate this:

Incredible.  Even more incredible that it still holds up today.  When I replayed this, I decided to go through some levels, and really take my time to enjoy how fun it was, even taking the time to find this coin box on my first try:

Still got it.  I would've done the middle finger trick, but I didn't do it that day, sorry.

I didn't defeat this quite as quick as the speedy guy, but I did still defeat it.  It's one of those games you put in if you want to feel dominant in this age of insanely hard and insanely time consuming video games.  It's great.  It's probably why Mario Run is comparable to this game, for the simplicity of it.

So yes, you have an NES collection, you obviously own these.  Now a couple of fun observations about the Mario series, in no particular order.

- clearly the first issue, is it Mario Mario and Luigi Mario?  The Mario Bros?  Or is Mario the man with no name.  Or is there some Fight Club thing going on with Luigi?
- how does Peach always get kidnapped?  She seems like she can hold her own, just judging from Smash Bros.  So maybe in a sequel it'll be revealed she's in to these kinda things?  Likes being captured.  Maybe she's in to Bowser...speaking of which.
- I have somehow made it this entire blog without talking about the main villain of the Mario series, but why does he keep going after Mario?  Isn't he just gonna give up after the 6th or 7th time of losing?  Also, Mario has literally murdered all of Bower's kids...so who is the real hero, huh!?
- Do you think Luigi has a complex?  Mario gets all the attention, he gets Peach.  No wonder there's a rumor about the game Luigi's Mansion where he killed himself.  Poor guy.



- This thought is for later games, but I gotta touch on Yoshi here.  Is Yoshi a species?  It's not one particular pet or dinosaur or whatever the hell Yoshi is, main reason for that?  This video about sums it up:

Well that's all you're gonna get out of me today for Mario related things, I've already been away from Super Mario Run for much too long.  I hope you enjoyed this blog as much as I had writing it.

Next week will have a recap of the year 2016, and why it wasn't so bad.  I mean, there's gotta be some reasons right!?  Right!?!?!

Thanks for reading as always you beautiful people.

Jeff Kleeman

Best Songs of 2016 - Top 5

2016 will go down as one of the most...interesting years in quite sometime.  I think that's safe to say right!?  So while I round up some facts for my next blog (coming in a few days, I swear!) about why 2016 wasn't completely horrible, I got a message from my buddy Ras last night.  This is Ras!

Ras: Top songs of 2016?
Jeff: Blog idea?
Ras: Of sorts.

And then it begun.  Compiling the top 5 songs we each liked in 2016.  It was a very tough list, for multiple reasons.  We are both avid music loves, Ras more so than me.  In the past year we have discovered hundreds of songs, but most didn't even come out in 2016.  Also, there is a lot of really good music!  A ton.  So it was hard to whittle it down.  But we did it.

So why wait any longer, let's get started, first up, is Ras's list.

5.  Blacklite District - We Are the Danger

4.  Bleeker - Highway

3.  Thrice - Black Honey

2.  Red Sun Rising - Emotionless

1.  Highly Suspect - My Name Is Human

That list is fantastic.  I'll admit, my favorite out of those 5 is Bleeker, but you should give all of them a listen, great songs all around.  Ras, thank you as always, here are some words to live by, by Ras himself.

My top 5?  Well....

5.  M83 - Go!

4.  Rae Sremmurd - Black Beatles

3.  Anderson .Paak - Am I Wrong?

2.  Miike Snow - Genghis Khan

1.  The Weeknd Ft. Daft Punk - Star Boy

And there you have it!  Feel free to add your own here if you wish.  By the end of the week, as previously stated, there will be a "Why 2016 wasn't so bad" article, and if you're lucky, you may even get the newest NES one by tomorrow morning with the release of Super Mario Run!

As always, thank you for reading.

Jeff Kleeman

PS With Alan Thicke passing yesterday, listen to this timeless song!

The Mind of a 49'ers Fan

Blogging on the opening game for my beloved San Francisco 49'ers, the best 32nd ranked NFL team ever!?  Yes, so jump in to my mind during a 49'ers game.  When they suck.

9:12  And now, the game nobody really wants to watch at the end of a long football weekend.  That's my team!  Go 9'ers!!!!

9:13  Love, Steve Young on commentary.  Hate, Chris Berman on commentary.  I can never fully win, also...Berman's ties.  Yikes.



I hate Berman because he seems like such a douche.  Then I read a few things that makes me know he's a douche.  His only saving grace is he's a 9ers fan.

9:14  It took two minutes to bring up the backup quarterback does not stand during the national anthem.  Here's my take, who cares?  I have a lot of military friends, I see the point of being upset with him...but...free country, they fought for his right to do it.  He's not hurting anybody.  And a lot of us definitely can't relate to how people of a different race feel...so there's that.

And trust me, before you say I love Kaepernick, everyone who knows me, knows how much I hate Kaepernick.  Really ever since this...



9:15  THE ANTHEM ISN'T EVEN BEING SUNG!!!!  Probably a Trump supporter or idiot complaining.



9:17  Fun fact, I won Lindsey Stirling tickets when I lived in Lincoln.  I won them so a mom could surprise her daughter because that was her favorite artist.  So that's cool.  Also she's kinda cute.



She's 29!?!

9:19  Again I don't hate Kaepernick for doing what he believes in, I hate Kaepernick for getting my hopes up that a new dynasty was upon the 49'ers and now they suck.  That's now two reasons I hate him.

9:20  This time last year I was at that stadium.  With their crap black jersey.  GET SOME GOLD ON IT!  Then it will make sense.



9:21 Goff being third string makes me think he's a white JaMarcus Russell.  Watch out for the sizzurp.  And the weight gain.

9:22  I feel the 9'ers defense will legit be decent.  The offense, yet to be seen.

9:23  Okay maybe I spoke too soon.

9:24  Case Keenum looks like Kurt Warner right now.  If Kurt Warner wasn't good.

9:26  Every time I clap, my dog thinks he can come up on the couch.  He is not allowed on the couch. Quick side story, his name, sometimes, is Frank Gore.  So imagine how confused he used to be.

9:28  Let the Blaine Gabbert era begin.

9:29  For old times sake "YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HYDE!"



He is like a new Frank Gore.  Patient

9:30  If Torrey Smith wants to be the #1 wide receiver, he has to legit catch an easy pass.

9:31  I just got excited about a complete pass.  Tough times are upon us this year.

9:31 And punting...

9:32  That "On the Way Up" promo for ESPN Sunday Countdown...was the whitest thing I've ever seen.... and that was with Moss and Woodson being included.

9:34  I only fear Todd Gurley on this team, no one else.

9:35  Best logo in the NFL and jersey goes to my team, the 49'ers, I don't care.  I can see a Packers or Cowboys argument, but that would be invalid.  I'm unbiased as they come.

9:36  My team employs Jeremy Kerley, I am sadly happy about that.

9:38  Jerry Rice right now, would be the number 2 wide receiver on the 49ers.  Not even kidding.

9:40  Best offensive weapon is Gabbert running for his life up the middle.  Worst offensive weapon, missing Jeremy Kerley on a for sure TD.

9:41  Again, run to the middle.  First down.  This keeps up he's going to have the single game rushing record for a quarterback.

9:42  I'm kidding, but seriously, it's been every f'ing play that's gotten any yards.

9:42   Garrett Celek drop.  Go figure.

9:44  YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HYDE!!!!  Touchdown.

9:46  Phil Dawson, just a fan of that guy.



9:48  Jeff Fischer is the most average coach ever.  He is who that girl settles with, you know, the attractive girl, she's got a good job, but her dude cheated on her, so she gets a guy who won't leave her ever, but will never amount to anything...that's Jeff Fischer.  It used to be David Arquette.



9:50  It will never get worse than J.T. O' Sullivan.  That 49'ers era was so bad.

9:51  A completion!

9:54  Tan Hyde!

9:56  When did ESPN become super lame?  Was it when Dan Patrick left!?  When the NFL essentially got control of them?  When they fired Bill Simmons?

9:59  Worst 4th down attempt ever.

10:00  Momentum killer.

10:07  Thanks Todd Gurley!

10:08  Pick!!!!!!!!

10:11  A knee interception!

10:12  A text from my buddy Brett "Bowman just intercepted that with his D*#K"



10:13  Fourth down conversion!!!!

10:14  Every time Hyde falls to the ground I hold my breath

10:15 The line is looking good on both sides.  What is this?  2014?

10:16 Third down?  Welp, just run to the middle.

10:16  Shaun Draughn...TD!!!  Wait, Shaun Draughn TOUCHDOWN!?

10:20  The defense looks good.  I can't get over this.  Hope I didn't jinx them.

10:21  I jinxed them.

10:23  Jimmie Ward sighting!

10:27  Hyde ruining my fantasy hopes of winning my game.  And I'm fine with that!

10:29  Kerley is doing well?  Oh crap, was there a fumble?

10:30  Damn you Shaun Draughn!!!

10:34  Two minute warning, 14-0 San Fran.  I like it.

10:39  Berman tries to hide how much of a 9ers homer he is.  It makes me kind of bond with him, even though I hate him.  It's those ties....



10:43  A time out with over 20 seconds left in the half?  What is this!?  Madden!?

10:50  I dislike how the half has begun.  I fear this lead being given up.

10:55  Whew!  Punt.  The quote of the first half, where I thankfully took a break from blogging was Herm Edwards saying, "The Rams offense has set back NFL offenses 50 years".

11:04  So you can barely tap a quarterback and it's a huge penalty.  Touch a punt returner after he catches it, which is a penalty, and no call.  NFL refs are the worst.

11:13  I see why Hekker is the number one punter.

11:16  This game is going to be a big let's run the clock out starting in the 3rd quarter kinda game.

11:17  Third and 10...and now 4th and 10.  Great...

11:19  Home Sweet Home is just an amazing song.  Seriously.

11:21  I think the only offense that may be worse than San Francisco's... is Los Angeles.

11:22  You're fine St. Louis.  You lost nothing.  Keep quiet for a bit and you can get the Jags or someone else in a few years, right?  Steal another franchise.  Then get mad when they move again in 20 years.

11:22  No penalties!?  Tomsula is definitely not coaching this team.

11:23  I bet the punters are tired of punting - my wife.  She's right.

11:28  Another punt, a good return.  Scared team may self destruct.

11:38  This game is going too long and allergies are making me not loving life.  Powering to stay awake, may not last much longer.  Especially with punt city.

11:45  Touchdown, 21-0.  Wow.  What in the living hell.

11:49  Wow, totally almost fell asleep and heard a fan ran on the field.  Lame.  You want attention just sit down for the national anthem...

11:55  Well I think my team is gonna win.  You know what this means!?  31st best team in the league babaaaaay!



9:12  Awoke on my sick day to see 28-0 final score.  Solid.  Some thoughts.  Late night Monday Night Football games suck when you're past 30, especially when you don't feel good.  The 9ers defense looked great, which is good, BUT they played the Rams.  The offense put up 28, against a Rams defense that looked shockingly out of sync.  I still hate Baalke but maybe his moves may work out.  I REALLY hate York, but that's because of his privilege.  But Chip Kelly!?  Love him.  Might name my kid after him if he keeps this up.  And Navarro Bowman is the absolute best.

9:13  With that being said, the 49'ers look like they COULD win maybe 7 games...but I thought the same last year when they walloped the Vikings.  So we'll see by mid-season.  Hoping at least 7 wins, then moving back up the next few years.  Thanks for reading.
Jeff Kleeman

Blogging on the opening game for my beloved San Francisco 49'ers, the best 32nd ranked NFL team ever!?  Yes, so jump in to my mind during a 49'ers game.  When they suck.

9:12  And now, the game nobody really wants to watch at the end of a long football weekend.  That's my team!  Go 9'ers!!!!

9:13  Love, Steve Young on commentary.  Hate, Chris Berman on commentary.  I can never fully win, also...Berman's ties.  Yikes.



I hate Berman because he seems like such a douche.  Then I read a few things that makes me know he's a douche.  His only saving grace is he's a 9ers fan.

9:14  It took two minutes to bring up the backup quarterback does not stand during the national anthem.  Here's my take, who cares?  I have a lot of military friends, I see the point of being upset with him...but...free country, they fought for his right to do it.  He's not hurting anybody.  And a lot of us definitely can't relate to how people of a different race feel...so there's that.

And trust me, before you say I love Kaepernick, everyone who knows me, knows how much I hate Kaepernick.  Really ever since this...



9:15  THE ANTHEM ISN'T EVEN BEING SUNG!!!!  Probably a Trump supporter or idiot complaining.



9:17  Fun fact, I won Lindsey Stirling tickets when I lived in Lincoln.  I won them so a mom could surprise her daughter because that was her favorite artist.  So that's cool.  Also she's kinda cute.



She's 29!?!

9:19  Again I don't hate Kaepernick for doing what he believes in, I hate Kaepernick for getting my hopes up that a new dynasty was upon the 49'ers and now they suck.  That's now two reasons I hate him.

9:20  This time last year I was at that stadium.  With their crap black jersey.  GET SOME GOLD ON IT!  Then it will make sense.



9:21 Goff being third string makes me think he's a white JaMarcus Russell.  Watch out for the sizzurp.  And the weight gain.

9:22  I feel the 9'ers defense will legit be decent.  The offense, yet to be seen.

9:23  Okay maybe I spoke too soon.

9:24  Case Keenum looks like Kurt Warner right now.  If Kurt Warner wasn't good.

9:26  Every time I clap, my dog thinks he can come up on the couch.  He is not allowed on the couch. Quick side story, his name, sometimes, is Frank Gore.  So imagine how confused he used to be.

9:28  Let the Blaine Gabbert era begin.

9:29  For old times sake "YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HYDE!"



He is like a new Frank Gore.  Patient

9:30  If Torrey Smith wants to be the #1 wide receiver, he has to legit catch an easy pass.

9:31  I just got excited about a complete pass.  Tough times are upon us this year.

9:31 And punting...

9:32  That "On the Way Up" promo for ESPN Sunday Countdown...was the whitest thing I've ever seen.... and that was with Moss and Woodson being included.

9:34  I only fear Todd Gurley on this team, no one else.

9:35  Best logo in the NFL and jersey goes to my team, the 49'ers, I don't care.  I can see a Packers or Cowboys argument, but that would be invalid.  I'm unbiased as they come.

9:36  My team employs Jeremy Kerley, I am sadly happy about that.

9:38  Jerry Rice right now, would be the number 2 wide receiver on the 49ers.  Not even kidding.

9:40  Best offensive weapon is Gabbert running for his life up the middle.  Worst offensive weapon, missing Jeremy Kerley on a for sure TD.

9:41  Again, run to the middle.  First down.  This keeps up he's going to have the single game rushing record for a quarterback.

9:42  I'm kidding, but seriously, it's been every f'ing play that's gotten any yards.

9:42   Garrett Celek drop.  Go figure.

9:44  YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HYDE!!!!  Touchdown.

9:46  Phil Dawson, just a fan of that guy.



9:48  Jeff Fischer is the most average coach ever.  He is who that girl settles with, you know, the attractive girl, she's got a good job, but her dude cheated on her, so she gets a guy who won't leave her ever, but will never amount to anything...that's Jeff Fischer.  It used to be David Arquette.



9:50  It will never get worse than J.T. O' Sullivan.  That 49'ers era was so bad.

9:51  A completion!

9:54  Tan Hyde!

9:56  When did ESPN become super lame?  Was it when Dan Patrick left!?  When the NFL essentially got control of them?  When they fired Bill Simmons?

9:59  Worst 4th down attempt ever.

10:00  Momentum killer.

10:07  Thanks Todd Gurley!

10:08  Pick!!!!!!!!

10:11  A knee interception!

10:12  A text from my buddy Brett "Bowman just intercepted that with his D*#K"



10:13  Fourth down conversion!!!!

10:14  Every time Hyde falls to the ground I hold my breath

10:15 The line is looking good on both sides.  What is this?  2014?

10:16 Third down?  Welp, just run to the middle.

10:16  Shaun Draughn...TD!!!  Wait, Shaun Draughn TOUCHDOWN!?

10:20  The defense looks good.  I can't get over this.  Hope I didn't jinx them.

10:21  I jinxed them.

10:23  Jimmie Ward sighting!

10:27  Hyde ruining my fantasy hopes of winning my game.  And I'm fine with that!

10:29  Kerley is doing well?  Oh crap, was there a fumble?

10:30  Damn you Shaun Draughn!!!

10:34  Two minute warning, 14-0 San Fran.  I like it.

10:39  Berman tries to hide how much of a 9ers homer he is.  It makes me kind of bond with him, even though I hate him.  It's those ties....



10:43  A time out with over 20 seconds left in the half?  What is this!?  Madden!?

10:50  I dislike how the half has begun.  I fear this lead being given up.

10:55  Whew!  Punt.  The quote of the first half, where I thankfully took a break from blogging was Herm Edwards saying, "The Rams offense has set back NFL offenses 50 years".

11:04  So you can barely tap a quarterback and it's a huge penalty.  Touch a punt returner after he catches it, which is a penalty, and no call.  NFL refs are the worst.

11:13  I see why Hekker is the number one punter.

11:16  This game is going to be a big let's run the clock out starting in the 3rd quarter kinda game.

11:17  Third and 10...and now 4th and 10.  Great...

11:19  Home Sweet Home is just an amazing song.  Seriously.

11:21  I think the only offense that may be worse than San Francisco's... is Los Angeles.

11:22  You're fine St. Louis.  You lost nothing.  Keep quiet for a bit and you can get the Jags or someone else in a few years, right?  Steal another franchise.  Then get mad when they move again in 20 years.

11:22  No penalties!?  Tomsula is definitely not coaching this team.

11:23  I bet the punters are tired of punting - my wife.  She's right.

11:28  Another punt, a good return.  Scared team may self destruct.

11:38  This game is going too long and allergies are making me not loving life.  Powering to stay awake, may not last much longer.  Especially with punt city.

11:45  Touchdown, 21-0.  Wow.  What in the living hell.

11:49  Wow, totally almost fell asleep and heard a fan ran on the field.  Lame.  You want attention just sit down for the national anthem...

11:55  Well I think my team is gonna win.  You know what this means!?  31st best team in the league babaaaaay!



9:12  Awoke on my sick day to see 28-0 final score.  Solid.  Some thoughts.  Late night Monday Night Football games suck when you're past 30, especially when you don't feel good.  The 9ers defense looked great, which is good, BUT they played the Rams.  The offense put up 28, against a Rams defense that looked shockingly out of sync.  I still hate Baalke but maybe his moves may work out.  I REALLY hate York, but that's because of his privilege.  But Chip Kelly!?  Love him.  Might name my kid after him if he keeps this up.

9:13  With that being said, the 49'ers look like they COULD win maybe 7 games...but I thought the same last year when they walloped the Vikings.  So we'll see by mid-season.  Hoping at least 7 wins, then moving back up the next few years.  Thanks for reading.
Jeff Kleeman

Dad Bod

I'm back!  It's been a good week since I wrote a blog, due to a combo of things.  Stranger Things and The Night Of took over our nights, both are must see shows if you haven't started either.  Adult life always seems to make time fly by.  The new job is going...well it's going.  My cousin came in from Chicago to go to his ex's wedding, so I got to see him a few nights and I'm trying to get in shape at the gym to try and stave off "dad bod" for as long as I can.



Speaking of which, the reason for today's blog, and many others that will be following this, I'm gonna be a dad!  And not only that, for you readers who visit the blog but don't actually know me, I am going to be having a girl (well my wife is, I just kinda helped make it).  What do I think about having a girl?

Freaking excited!  It is going to be awesome and I can't wait.  I keep hearing how being a parent is life changing, and things will never be the same, and that's great.  So I thought for today's blog, I would write some random thoughts I have on things that have happened so far and things that will/may/hopefully won't happen.

So far, the funniest thing I've noticed, especially since we're having a girl, are all the people offering up the services of their children for marriage, most of which their sons can't even say the alphabet yet.  It has made me think that arranged marriages may start coming back in a big way.  Think about the possibilities!

Holidays with your best friends, awesome.  Who doesn't want that!?  And if they are your friends, the kids will more than likely to grow up somewhat normal.  So I don't have to worry about my daughter dating a jerk.  Also awesome.

Another thing that people keep doing, basically the bane of my existence at the moment, "You know what's a good name Jeff?!  MINE!  NAME YOUR KID AFTER ME OR FOREVER REGRET IT!"

I get it, you like your name, or your middle name, or want so and so named after so and so.  That's cool, go make your own kid.  Breaking news, we picked a name.  It's done.  And any future kid we pretty much got it figured out.  So maybe instead of asking us to name our kid after you, say congrats and let's talk about Sam Bradford going to the Vikes or any other current event of your choosing.

I have also noticed how much more I...well it's not judging, but it is.  I judge parents more now I think?  I will see them in public and think I would do something a different way.  So basically I am already becoming what most parents think they are, which is a know it all.  Kid's not even out yet, so it will give me time to not be as judgy, but I'm kind of a judgy person anyway so...GOOD LUCK TO ME!



I gotta start doing some preparation on how to raise a girl.  I gotta figure out how to do a ponytail.  I gotta get my tea party etiquette prepared.  I definitely gotta figure out which Powerpuff Girl is which, but I think I like Bubbles the most?

Not becoming over protective, that is extremely important, but I have a daughter so of course that means I gotta buy a gun, right?  Is that the big joke?  Or do people actually do that?  I have a friend, he lives in northern South Dakota, I can definitely see him pulling a gun out on a prospective date of his kid.  That's not something I'll do, but I get the joke, I just hope I raise her well enough to not pick someone that majorly sucks (I can't wait to look back on this in 16-20 years).  I can read people like a book, and as soon as she's old enough to start dating, I am just not gonna have a good time, unless it's one of my friends kid of course.

Also limiting the Facebook pictures on a kid I have talked about ad nauseum (look it up).  This was discussed with my mother in law today (you'll admit you read my blog sooner or later!)  My wife and I don't want to plaster our daughter all over Facebook.  Or Twitter.  Or Instagram.  Or even Friendster.
Putting a picture up every so is cool.  Important events are fine, occasional "look at my cute kid!" posts are alright.  But every day is nuts to me (no offense to those of you who do, if that's your thing, do it, like Sheryl Crow said, "If it makes you happy."...).  Or putting up pics of your kid to get internet points, just not gonna be my thing.  Also you never know how some people really are, know what I mean?  A few years ago Jared was just some guy who lost weight eating Subway.  Michael Jackson was just some guy who made the best pop album of all time.  Then when the kid is old enough to decide what goes up, she can do it, just please, please, please, do not become an Instagram girl.

Kids toys these days are freaking awesome btw.  B t dubs.  By the way.  The technology now is so insane that a toy phone is more realistic than the Kyocera phone I had when I first purchased my cell phone.



I'm not gonna lie, I will probably play with the toys first to make sure they work, gotta stay young at heart.

I am looking forward to watching football games with my daughter.  I love sports.  I like the University of Michigan, my wife likes Nebraska, it's cool if she likes either, that's fine.  My wife and I both LOVE the 49'ers, if she ever dates a guy who likes another team and switches allegiances I am already upset!

Also, due to my friend Aaron being here last week, we have figured out each route she could use to sneak out of my house.  This isn't my first rodeo, and I cannot wait to make that known.  Also I have a good memory (well, if Kyle and Travis are reading this, maybe it's starting to go to crap), so I know where all my liquor is and how much of it I have at any given time.  Try me future daughter....

Kids are expensive....already!  There are so many things to buy with a kid on the way.  Tonight we looked at what the kid will wear on the first day she is born, that's like...a thing.  Daily things that we have looked at to purchase for a kid that won't remember wearing it.  So crazy!  Luckily my sister in law (I will not take the time to put the - in between anything in law, people came to this blog for entertainment, not a grammar lesson!) gave us a literal car full of stuff to take home.

I respect those who had a mistake kid (like me) and made do with what they could without the assistance of being filmed by MTV.  Props to any single mom or dad out there who made it work with what you had (good job mom). Zero props to any parent who ran away from the responsibility of helping a child grow. (F you dad).  Or dads that would rather go fishing then get a job and go to work to raise your family.

With all of this being said, it is the most exciting, crazy, awesome thing ever.  She is now kicking, which is crazy, and hilarious to me because she probably keeps my wife up at night while I'm snoring away.  And my wife is going to be such a great mom, she is just going to be amazing, and I think I can be an above average dad.  This is going to be fun, stressful and a hell of a ride.  See you soon kid, I can't wait.

Jeff Kleeman

Death Row Meal

Sitting at work today, my coworker made a joke about granola being his 17th favorite food.  Me, being quite quirky found that absolutely hilarious.  But it got me thinking, what are my 17 favorite foods?

Do I have 17 favorite foods?

I do!!!

So with my creative juices flowing I got to writing this down as soon as I could...when I got home.. right before we had dinner (supper to some of you).  So I was hungry (hangry to some of you).

Then my wife adds in, may as well say it's what you would eat for your last dinner.  So let's get this done.  In reverse order, my favorite foods.

17. Pinwheels

I was at a party once where I ate an entire row.  I'm not fat, but if I had stayed at this party, I think that would be a different story.

16. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups



I never said it had to be a meal.  It could be a snack, or a side, even a dessert.  Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are the best candy bar.  You can argue, it's fine.  I think you're wrong, it doesn't mean I'm right.

15. Soft pretzels with cheese

You know what I'm getting at a sporting event?  Soft pretzels.  I'm not gonna get a funnel cake (sorry John), or cotton candy (yuck).  I will get a beer, and what goes better with that than a salty pretzel with cheese!?

14. CT CRUUUUUUNCH (Cinnamon Toast Crunch)



Best cereal.  Ever.  I don't even know what I would say is the 2nd best cereal.  That's the disparity for me.

13. Crab stuffed mushrooms

Dooooood.  You know how good mushrooms are on everything?  You know how good crab is?  Cream cheese!?   Well add all that together and you get this.  It's amazing.  This makes it over pinwheels due to some past experiences I'd rather not share.

12. Grilled pineapple



If you read this blog regularly, you know I won a fantasy football tournament.  $100 a person, I won, I was broke.  I wanted to eat at this place called Brazilian Carnival.  They slice off meat in front of you, all kinds of meat.  But what did I like the most!?  The grilled freaking pineapple.  I gave the guy $5 to come back whenever I raised my hand.

11. Doritos (Nacho Cheese)



The best chip ever (Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips is a close 2nd).  If all I had was these and a delicious Dr. Pepper, I would be in heaven...and in cardiac arrest.

10. Peanut Butter Sandwich

That simple bro.  You get some creamy (not chunky, I'm not a savage!) peanut butter.  Get some bread, spread that sumbitch on, and boom, delicious.  Is 10 too high!?  I say it's not high enough, but there's stuff...that's higher.

9. Oreos

I wish Oreos would stop being stupid.  Stay away from double stuffed.  Stay away from candy corn, or S'mores, or vanilla.  Just good old fashioned Oreos, with some milk.  Oreos has caused some of the rare arguments in my household.

8. Chicken sandwiches



If I'm hungover there is only one thing I can stomach.  I love chicken sandwiches.  Just amazing.  Put some mayo on there.  Lettuce, tomato, cheese, no cheese, no tomato, no lettuce!?  Chicken on a freaking sandwich...amazing.

7. Sushi!



I would like to thank my friend Amber.  I graduated from college and had never attempted sushi.  My friend Eric and I (hi Ras!) decided to go with.  We went to a sushi place in Sioux City, IA, not the first place you'd think to go...and I ordered a few rolls, not really understanding what I was doing, then it happened.  Love.  All sushi, hence why I didn't put a specific roll, because it's all amazing.  We even saw Tori Black once getting sushi...I swear!

6. Spaghetti

You're in college and you don't have that much money, but want to eat something delicious that has amazing reheat value?!  Spaghetti.  You have a date and want to look like you kinda know what you're doing (even though she knows it's just spaghetti?), make spaghetti.  You like to eat spaghetti and want to make spaghetti for yourself?  Spaghetti!  Bottom line, spaghetti.

5. Crab rangoons



The last of the appetizers, but the best.  Crab rangoons could be used as currency.  Absolutely fantastic.

4. Steak - medium rare

I like steak.  I don't like steak well done.  I don't like it medium well, or even medium.  Hell I don't even mind it rare.  But I love me some medium rare steak.  Nothing on it, Ron Swanson style.  SO GOOD.

3. Cheeseburger



Does this need explanation?  It's cheese, on beef.  On a bun.  With assorted toppings of your choice.

Pop quiz, which fast food chain has the best burger.  Okay it's In N' Out, but what local fast food chain has the best burger?  You says Culvers Wisconsin Cheddar Burger, and you just won yourself a prize...to be determined at a later date and time.

2. Stuffed Crust Pizza

I love PIZZA!!!!  P I Z Z A!!!!

Pizza of all kinds is amazing, but the best kind, has cheese in the crust.  Pizza Hut you are brilliant.  It actually sounds so good I would order one now if we hadn't just ate.

DRUM-ROLL PLEASE!?!?!  What is my favorite food!?  What would be my "last" meal!?

1. Breakfast Burritos



I don't know when my love affair started happening with breakfast burritos.  But a few things on my love of this delicious food.

1. I make the best one.  It's one of the few foods I can make that are better than any restaurants, it's definitely better than anyone else's I've ever tried.

2. Ortega and sour cream, best combo since peanut butter and jelly.  Throw that on this, boom baby.

3. I once made a McGriddle style breakfast burrito.  Even at it's worst, it's one of the best things I've ever ate.

4. Best fast food breakfast burrito?  Taco John's.  Easily.  Sonic is up there, a place in Lincoln, NE has a chain called DeLeon's, that's good, hell if McDonald's brought back their massive burrito, even they would be on this list.  I know what I'm making this weekend.

Well that's it for this week!  Thanks for reading, sorry I've been gone, but it's been BUSY.  Figuring out my new job.  We're having a kid.  Speaking of which, look out for my blog Monday, as this Sunday we are having our reveal party.  What will it be!?!?!

Thanks for reading.

Jeff Kleeman