Death Row Meal

Sitting at work today, my coworker made a joke about granola being his 17th favorite food.  Me, being quite quirky found that absolutely hilarious.  But it got me thinking, what are my 17 favorite foods?

Do I have 17 favorite foods?

I do!!!

So with my creative juices flowing I got to writing this down as soon as I could...when I got home.. right before we had dinner (supper to some of you).  So I was hungry (hangry to some of you).

Then my wife adds in, may as well say it's what you would eat for your last dinner.  So let's get this done.  In reverse order, my favorite foods.

17. Pinwheels

I was at a party once where I ate an entire row.  I'm not fat, but if I had stayed at this party, I think that would be a different story.

16. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups



I never said it had to be a meal.  It could be a snack, or a side, even a dessert.  Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are the best candy bar.  You can argue, it's fine.  I think you're wrong, it doesn't mean I'm right.

15. Soft pretzels with cheese

You know what I'm getting at a sporting event?  Soft pretzels.  I'm not gonna get a funnel cake (sorry John), or cotton candy (yuck).  I will get a beer, and what goes better with that than a salty pretzel with cheese!?

14. CT CRUUUUUUNCH (Cinnamon Toast Crunch)



Best cereal.  Ever.  I don't even know what I would say is the 2nd best cereal.  That's the disparity for me.

13. Crab stuffed mushrooms

Dooooood.  You know how good mushrooms are on everything?  You know how good crab is?  Cream cheese!?   Well add all that together and you get this.  It's amazing.  This makes it over pinwheels due to some past experiences I'd rather not share.

12. Grilled pineapple



If you read this blog regularly, you know I won a fantasy football tournament.  $100 a person, I won, I was broke.  I wanted to eat at this place called Brazilian Carnival.  They slice off meat in front of you, all kinds of meat.  But what did I like the most!?  The grilled freaking pineapple.  I gave the guy $5 to come back whenever I raised my hand.

11. Doritos (Nacho Cheese)



The best chip ever (Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips is a close 2nd).  If all I had was these and a delicious Dr. Pepper, I would be in heaven...and in cardiac arrest.

10. Peanut Butter Sandwich

That simple bro.  You get some creamy (not chunky, I'm not a savage!) peanut butter.  Get some bread, spread that sumbitch on, and boom, delicious.  Is 10 too high!?  I say it's not high enough, but there's stuff...that's higher.

9. Oreos

I wish Oreos would stop being stupid.  Stay away from double stuffed.  Stay away from candy corn, or S'mores, or vanilla.  Just good old fashioned Oreos, with some milk.  Oreos has caused some of the rare arguments in my household.

8. Chicken sandwiches



If I'm hungover there is only one thing I can stomach.  I love chicken sandwiches.  Just amazing.  Put some mayo on there.  Lettuce, tomato, cheese, no cheese, no tomato, no lettuce!?  Chicken on a freaking sandwich...amazing.

7. Sushi!



I would like to thank my friend Amber.  I graduated from college and had never attempted sushi.  My friend Eric and I (hi Ras!) decided to go with.  We went to a sushi place in Sioux City, IA, not the first place you'd think to go...and I ordered a few rolls, not really understanding what I was doing, then it happened.  Love.  All sushi, hence why I didn't put a specific roll, because it's all amazing.  We even saw Tori Black once getting sushi...I swear!

6. Spaghetti

You're in college and you don't have that much money, but want to eat something delicious that has amazing reheat value?!  Spaghetti.  You have a date and want to look like you kinda know what you're doing (even though she knows it's just spaghetti?), make spaghetti.  You like to eat spaghetti and want to make spaghetti for yourself?  Spaghetti!  Bottom line, spaghetti.

5. Crab rangoons



The last of the appetizers, but the best.  Crab rangoons could be used as currency.  Absolutely fantastic.

4. Steak - medium rare

I like steak.  I don't like steak well done.  I don't like it medium well, or even medium.  Hell I don't even mind it rare.  But I love me some medium rare steak.  Nothing on it, Ron Swanson style.  SO GOOD.

3. Cheeseburger



Does this need explanation?  It's cheese, on beef.  On a bun.  With assorted toppings of your choice.

Pop quiz, which fast food chain has the best burger.  Okay it's In N' Out, but what local fast food chain has the best burger?  You says Culvers Wisconsin Cheddar Burger, and you just won yourself a prize...to be determined at a later date and time.

2. Stuffed Crust Pizza

I love PIZZA!!!!  P I Z Z A!!!!

Pizza of all kinds is amazing, but the best kind, has cheese in the crust.  Pizza Hut you are brilliant.  It actually sounds so good I would order one now if we hadn't just ate.

DRUM-ROLL PLEASE!?!?!  What is my favorite food!?  What would be my "last" meal!?

1. Breakfast Burritos



I don't know when my love affair started happening with breakfast burritos.  But a few things on my love of this delicious food.

1. I make the best one.  It's one of the few foods I can make that are better than any restaurants, it's definitely better than anyone else's I've ever tried.

2. Ortega and sour cream, best combo since peanut butter and jelly.  Throw that on this, boom baby.

3. I once made a McGriddle style breakfast burrito.  Even at it's worst, it's one of the best things I've ever ate.

4. Best fast food breakfast burrito?  Taco John's.  Easily.  Sonic is up there, a place in Lincoln, NE has a chain called DeLeon's, that's good, hell if McDonald's brought back their massive burrito, even they would be on this list.  I know what I'm making this weekend.

Well that's it for this week!  Thanks for reading, sorry I've been gone, but it's been BUSY.  Figuring out my new job.  We're having a kid.  Speaking of which, look out for my blog Monday, as this Sunday we are having our reveal party.  What will it be!?!?!

Thanks for reading.

Jeff Kleeman

Aaron and Jeff's Musical Adventure

Nothing beats musical conversations.  NOTHING.  Best artist or song by artist is a nice debate among my friends and I.  Well this week, Aaron and I debated, 10 (eventually becoming 11) artists best songs and our favorite by them.  Just to see if we agreed on anything, surprisingly we did, especially on...well, you'll find out.  Let's do this!

Jeff: Alright Pew, let's get started.  I'm gonna start with Jigga Man, Jay Z!  My favorite song by him, "Dirt Off Your Shoulder" (a close second being "Renegade" with Eminem), and his biggest, a lot of debates there, but when I saw him live two years ago, he closed with "Young Forever" which was shocking, because it should be "Hard Knock Life".  

Your thoughts?

Aaron: No big argument on Dirt Off Your Shoulder. That song is amazing...and my favorite. 

The lyrics were amazing, and I totally got street cred for knowing it. 

Street cred

As for his best? I think 99 Problems. It was ironically loved by white people who had none of those problems. A close second, IMO, would be New York State of Mind.

Jeff: You are pretty street.  Next on the list, Eminem!  I'm gonna go with Drug Ballad as my favorite, even though I don't really like Drugs.  Biggest song as we all know is FACK.  

It was just a huge anthem for 2000 and....wait.  Oh yeah.  Lose Yourself.  Biggest song he had, no question.  He owned 2002.  On an unrelated related note, super fan Kyle Kelly loves Kill You.  But not as much as he should love Patiently Waiting.

Aaron: Why wouldn't he love "Kill You"? It's great. For the record, picking my favorite Eminem song is like picking my favorite Jonas brother...difficult AF. 

His best is obviously lose yourself, and it's likely my favorite, but for funs sake, I'll pick a different one. There are literally 20 songs I could pick and I would feel good about every single one. My pick now, though, is Til I Collapse.

 There is an army cadence... there's a list...what's not to love?

Jeff: From that response, if someone had "No Love" I would be "Cleaning Out My Closet" and saying "Goodbye to Hollywood".  Puns.  I'm also gangster.

Also gangster...

Speaking of living puns, what happened to Kanye West?  He used to be the bomb.  Still is musically, but since he got Kardashianed, he sucks the big one.  Favorite Kanye song...Power.  A close second is Flashing Lights.  His biggest, probs Gold Digger?  

Which again, what the hell happened to him? 



Aaron: Well duh. Any song that holla's "we want Kleeman" is bound for success. I can't argue with Gold Digger, but I must say it's incredibly difficult to sing along to the song in public. We all know why. My favorite is All Falls Down. That's probably an odd choice, but it still makes random CD mixes to this date...great song.

Jeff: Nice choice, now in the best transition ever, we go from Kanye to THE BEATLES!  The best band of all time.  Biggest band of all time.  Best hair of all time.  



Favorite song I Am the Walrus, because I like lyrics that don't make sense.  Biggest song they have, gotta be All You Need Is Love right?  RIGHT!?

Aaron: Talk about a plot twist! Although, this makes sense, because I think Kanye discovered that Paul guy that's in the Beatles. 



This is harder than picking Eminem's best song. They are all great. So, I think I might need some Help!...see what I did there? All You Need Is Love is a great song, but I think Help trumps that one for sure. My favorite, though, is Yesterday. It's so calming...

Pew: OK, Jeff. Let me pick the artist this time. If you can give a plot twist, so can I. Let's talk about...Katy Perry. 



Katy Perry is like Nicholas Cage. I don't like her music, but I somehow like most of her songs. 



The problem with her is that her songs get overplayed and overhyped. There is one, though, that stands out. I Kissed a Girl is both my favorite and her best song. Any man that disagrees is a damn liar!

Jeff: I Kissed a Girl and I liked it!  I agree. That's my favorite song by her. One of a small few I like. Her biggest is that crappy California Gurls crap that fully neutered Snoop Dogg. 



Yuck town. Speaking of castrated, Madonna! Um I oddly really like Beautiful Stranger from Austin Powers. 

Biggest?  Strike a pose. Vogue. Vogue. 

Aaron: Let your body move to the music. It's hard to argue with that as her best, and you actually remember the 80's, I'll take your word on it. My favorite is Ray of Light.  It was a song that sounded awesome in my car. The bass was surprisingly good in that. While we're in the topic of pop icons, what do you think about Beyonce? 



My favorite is Sweet Dreams, but her best has to be while she was still with Michelle and Kelly. Say My Name, Jeff!

Jeff:  Pew (I said his name)!  Agreed on Sweet Dreams. Such a beautiful nightmare. Either way I...  I better stop there. Her biggest I believe is Crazy in Love. Although Becky with the good hair tried to ruin it. 



What we got left?  Taylor Swift?  



I knew you were trouble when you walked in bro. Best song. Biggest. Shake it Off?  I'm sure you'll hate, hate, hate that choice. 

Aaron: Taylor Swift, eh? I actually think I Knew You Were Trouble is her best, but my favorite is Never Grow Up. I pick this for two reasons. 1) it's not overplayed 2) my daughter. 



I challenge any father to listen to this song while with their daughter and tell me they don't like it. You just wait, Jeff...

Jeff: Haha but what if I have a son?!  Oh man. Parenting. Well if it's a Senorita I'll keep her away from our next contestant JT!  Favorite. What Goes Around...Comes Back Around. 

And his biggest. Cry Me a River. Man. All these songs about cheating, what's his deal?!



Aaron: What Goes Around is definitely my personal favorite. I remember how excited Rob Huckins was when we first heard that song. 



The transition is just amazing! His best has to be Bye Bye Bye...it may be cheating, but NSYNC WAS Justin Timberlake. Let's do one more! In honor of Cry Me a River, we'll do Britney, bitch. She peaked too soon with Baby One More Time. (Confession: I own that CD) My favorite, though, is definitely Toxic. The music video for that song made men out of a lot of teenage boys. So much glitter...



Jeff: Oh man. That video is ingrained in my head forever. I'll have to go with 3 which is another underrated hot vid. 



Biggest is Baby One More Time. And I have nothing punny to say because Britney would attack me with an umbrella. 



Aaron: Umbrella? Really? Are you trying to make me think about Rihianna? That's not good for my marriage. 



Umbrella is the best Rihanna song and by far my favorite and obviously her best. From the minute I heard the song, she had my heart and we'll never be worlds apart.

Jeff: Well we sure fell on that at the end didn't we?  We end in complete agreement.  Umbrella wins.  Which is more than I can say on our football teams.



Thanks for reading everybody!  I'm sure a lot of you disagree...or maybe agree.  If so, let us know.  

Til next time.

Kleeman/Pew or Pew/Kleeman

What Artists Are Better than Beck? All Time!?

Thanks for reading.

Jeff Kleeman

That's My Jam

I'm gonna have some fun with today's blog.  As I was brainstorming ideas today, there were a few options.  My buddy Alan texted me about the worst kinds of cars and their crappy owners.  It was good, but he needs to write that one.  My friend Karl had an idea to do a blog completely in song title. It's well documented that I'm quite lazy when I get home, so the work on that would've been really tough, so to throw him a bone, I'll explain in one sentence, in song titles no less, why I can't possibly do that article tonight.

""It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp", "Everybody" "Land of Confusion" "Da da da"

See...too hard for me.  But it got me thinking, I love music.  Clearly.  I actually sort of enjoy karaoke at times.  If you know me, I've only done a few songs at karaoke.  I've done Motely Crue "Home Sweet Home".



I've done "Without Me" by Eminem, where people were literally making it rain on me while I did it, but by "making it rain" I mean, torn up napkins thrown over me in a trashy bar.

And I have done "The Humpy Dance" by Digital Underground approximately 80 times.  I'm getting kinda burned out on it so I got to thinking, what should I do?  I need to switch it up!  I need a new song...or 8!

So here are the songs that I plan on belting out at a karaoke bar near you.  Beginning with...

I don't give a crap, this is a crowd pleaser.  You belt this out, you are gonna have the bar ROCKING THE F OUT!  Someone may even get motivated and get the Steve Perry haircut...which wouldn't be a bad thing, right!?



Maybe not...

So next you gotta do some rap.  Nothing screams rap like this white, 34 year old from South Dakota.



So let's get in to some rap that's gonna get the crowd jumping!

Only problem, I need to get someone to get up there with me, and who is going to be who!?  Dre's part is awesome, but come on, it's 2Pac!  The best rapper ever!

Speaking of best rapper ever, or someone who thinks he is...Mr. West!

This is one of the best rap songs of all time.  It's amazing.  I would have to highly edit this of course. But I think it can be done.  I just need to find someone to do a killer Jamie Foxx impersonating Ray Charles impression.

Finishing up the rap game for today, let's get some Country Grammar in here:

Boom boom baby.  Classic choice.  Speaking of classic choices, I think it's time for Motown Philly to bring it back again.

This is gonna get the crowd JUMPING.  Speaking of getting the crowd jumping, let's not just make this a boys club.  Let's add 2 more songs that I think would kick ass at karaoke.

Remember when Lady Gaga was the shit and didn't suck?  It's been a long time, but here we are, one of the best songs of all time.  I SAID IT!  Speaking of songs that would kill at karaoke, I blame a pro wrestler (surprised!?) for making me think the following song would kill at karaoke.  But here, just take a look.

Bad ass right?

Let's do one final song.  I think it'd be fun to do The Weeknd...right?

Just for the swearing.  This would be a blast.  And there you have it, 8 songs I will eventually do. Now to never do the Humpty Dance ever again...or at least for a few years.

Thanks for reading!

Jeff Kleeman