10 of 2017

I'm back!  With friends!




So the new tradition of doing a top music list at the end of the year has grown, in people and in songs!  This year three of us (Kleeman, Ras, Opp) will be picking the top 10 (no longer 5!) songs of the year.  This is an easy blog, so let's just get down to business, shall we?

Let's start with the new addition:

Opp: 



10: Camila Cabello - Havana

9: Bruno Mars - That's What I Like

8: Post Malone - Rockstar

7: Beck - Up All Night

6: Portugal, the Man - Live in the Moment

5: Khalid - Young, Dumb and Broke

4: Spoon - Hot Thoughts

3: AJR - Weak

2: Post Malone - Congratulations

1: The Killers - The Man

Ras:



10: Pop Evil - Waking Lions

9: THEORY - Rx

8: Thrice - Hurricane

7: Nothing but Thieves - Amsterdam

6: Bobaflex - Say What You Will

5: Don Broco - T-Shirt Song

4: Nothing More - Go To War

3: In This Moment - Roots

2: Foo Fighters - Run

1: Stone Sour - Fabuless

Kleeman:



Since it's my list, I get to explain why I picked the following songs.  I also get to start with an honorable mention of the BEST pop song this year!!!!

HONORABLE MENTION: Charlie Puth - Attention

- it's the best mainstream pop song of 2017, I stand by that statement.  Every time it's on, I'm just gonna keep it on the station, I have no shame.  

10: Lorde - Homemade Dynamite

- My favorite Lorde song since Tennis Court.  She's super talented, and I have a crush on her, there...I said it.  

9: St. Vincent - Los Ageless

- Great song by a great artist.  Underrated. 

8: Kendrick Lamar - HUMBLE

- The best rapper out right now...and he doesn't have much competition anyway.  A classic. 

7: Beck - No Distraction

- I was so glad Beck came back this year with a poppy/happy album.  My favorite artist of all time, with 2 songs on this list.  

6: M83 - Walkway Blues

- I heard this at Beck and instantly Shazamed it, you seeing this producers of Shazam?!  Pick me!  Great song regardless.  

5: Childish Gambino - Redbone

- This song is my alarm, I wake up to it every day.  It's that good I'm not even tired of it.  

4: Portugal, the Man - Feel It Still

- The biggest surprise in music was this band getting huge, and this song was the catalyst for that. 

3: Michael Kiwanuka - Cold Little Heart

- Did you see Big Little Lies?  This is how I first discovered this song, and I'm glad I did.  He has more great songs, look him up.  

2: Beck - Colors

- Beck's best song in years.  I listened to this 3-4 times in a row when I first heard it.  

1: The Killers - The Man

- This made number one on two separate lists.  I'm glad the Killers have a good song again after 10 years.  I said it, sorry Brandon.  

And that's it!  The 10 favorite songs of 3 people who know music.  If you're interested in next year, maybe I'll add one more...maybe.  Thanks for reading and look out for my last blog of the year...where I meet myself, Jeff Kleeman, from 10 years ago.

Jeff

Facebook Trending

Hello!!!  Before we begin, a quick update on my show pitch to Jeff Kleeman.  1 out of 2 Jeff Kleeman's LOVE the idea.  Keep checking back for more updates. 

So if you've been on Facebook the past week, you've seen the newest and COOLEST trend.  Black and white pictures of...stuff.  Why?  Now that's a great question.  When I first started seeing it, I thought, "I'm indifferent".  But now when I see them, well, here's a black and white picture to show you what I think...



It's just another thing.  There was the ice bucket challenge, there were minions, there was actual #fakenews being spread, then non-actual #fakenews being spread (which is real news), now it's black and white pictures of anything...what's next!?

Well we're going to answer that for you.  I have enlisted some of the top minds in my speed dial, (do I still use speed dial...yes?) and we are going to give you some options as to the next Facebook trend.... hell, we might even start one of them.  So sit back, enjoy, and feel free to share what you like, because let's make this about YOU, the reader...because that's what Facebook does.  Let's go!

Kid Rock in the Morning

Are you having trouble getting your day started, but want to find the accurate Kid Rock song to express it?  Seven days straight...Kid Rock.  Nothing better to get your day going.  Here is my personal selection:

 We'll only keep this as 7 days, because there is such a thing as too much Kid Rock...trust me. 

Tag a friend in a random picture of food, but don't tell them why!  Then have them do one of you!

This one has unlimited possibilities.  Here is my friend Dustin:



Hahahaha what!?  That'll have his head spinning.  I hope I get one of these, I just hope it's not lasagna!!!!

Do something good in real life and don't post it on Facebook



Just kidding, that's not...that's not a thing.  Speaking of Nicolas Cage...

Every day is Nicolas Cage day, but only when he's laughing...day!



I made the gif bigger here...to differentiate you see....I wasn't being lazy!  You're lazy!

Take a picture at a restaurant you hate, but be eating at that restaurant, then make people guess and whoever guesses has to do the same thing you just did!



This is my least favorite restaurant, but I go due to other people's decisions.  Can you guess it!?  You better be careful because then you'll have to post a picture yourself!

Added bonus, contributing money to society and to servers who rely on money for a living! 



Petition to bring back Mafia Wars!!!

This isn't a joke.  I really want them to bring back Mafia Wars.  Is that still a thing?  Are my stats saved!? 

Where are they!?!



Post something you really love about your current significant other on your exes wall, then, they can do the same to one of their exes!

I don't see anything bad coming out of this idea. 

Well, we have a nice start.  Seven amazing ideas here people.  Feel free to add any in the comments on Facebook, on this website, or by text message.  I'll be constantly updating this blog throughout the week, then who knows, we may start our own trend!? 

Thanks for reading! 

Jeff Kleeman

So Now What?

Ladies and gentleman...I did it.  I #foundbrokaw:



For those of you who have read this site since 2015 (thanks by the way!), my friends and I came up with an awesome concept called #findbrokaw.  The concept was I would put up 3 random pictures of Tom Brokaw around the campus of the University of South Dakota to promote my website/blog.  If you found the flyer, you got a prize (a shot...I'm not rich!).

The reason we chose Tom Brokaw is because he is the most famous alumni from the University of South Dakota, located in lovely Vermillion, SD!

***Editors note, it's not just Tom Brokaw who went here, but other luminaries such as:

Al Neuharth
Joe Foss
Derek Miles
Pat O' Brien
Bill Janklow

...okay, maybe not all winners.  But Brokaw is!  He shared my same college  (I was mass communication, him political science), shared my same passion (aimlessly going through college and somehow graduating), and then he got in to the career that he always pursued (alright, that we don't have in common...um, moving along!)!

Every year there is a homecoming gathering at my alma mater that we affectionately call Dakota Days, D Days for short.  So the thinking with the #findbrokaw idea (besides promoting my site) was to ultimately try to find the man himself, get a picture with him, and write about it on this blog.  Unfortunately, certain circumstances limited him to appearing here, so we just kind of used it as a fun hashtag, announcing the arrival, or a persons arrival, of Dakota Days.  He was never coming...



A few months ago, I got word from someone in the know that Tom Brokaw would be making a return to Vermillion aka the University of South Dakota.  Excited I told EVERYONE.  He'll be back at D Days! We will get a beer with him, FINALLY!!!  Yeah BROKAW!!!




But that wasn't in the cards.  Not D Days anyway, he was coming the NEXT week, hosting a public forum concerning Russia and United States relations.  I was down.  I saw a great forum, I got to see someone who thinks somewhat like me (I'm moderate, both political sides have a lot of improvement to make.  Two (of many) main things in my opinion, being influenced less by money and maybe seeing the point of view opposite of theirs...I would write a blog on that, but I already got enough angry texts about my Facebook post about kneeling, see previous blog).

The only negatives were the audience questions of course (go figure people like to hear themselves talk about their opinion on things, just go write a blog...like me!) and it was far too short.  But I met him!  I did it!!!  I #foundbrokaw

And then I felt empty...immediately.  Guys and girls...I found Brokaw!  I met him!  Years in the making, done in 3 seconds.  What do I do now?  I messaged my mentor, brought up some other "big" USD names to find.  It was a no from her, they aren't as interesting, I agreed.  Then the idea came to Jeff Kleeman...literally...Jeff Kleeman.



No no no!!!  Not me!!!  Well...kinda not me!  I'm talking about Hollywood producer Jeff Kleeman.



Jeff Kleeman is a Hollywood producer/really nice guy.  The reason I know both facts?  I have the same name as him...clearly.  Also, I have received emails from prospective actors and hopeful producers and writers for years.  It was kind of cool.  A guy from South Dakota getting emails related to big old Hollywood!?  Amazing.  So amazing in fact, I let him know about it, and he was nice enough to write me back.

Then I thought about my own career, been thinking a lot about it lately actually (oh crap, I'm opening up my real thoughts!).  I'm really not sure what to think of it actually.  I went to school to be an anchor/reporter on television (a reason I look up to Tom Brokaw), I didn't go that route due to a few reasons (money/location/horrible job interviews, looking at you KMEG).  Found some odd jobs.  Found a calling as a college advisor for years (seriously), only to have that end when I was employed by my alma mater of the University of South Dakota...of all places.  It took until this year to truly enjoy a job again (thanks John!) and then leave that job to be offered one in insurance (thanks again John!).

Writing and creativity have always been my strong suits, hence this blog.  But I'd love to get paid for it.  Will I?  Probably not, but I've had an idea for a series the last few years, and this is where the Jeff Kleeman idea comes in.  Now click the following song (and replace movie with show) and enjoy.

Here is my pitch, which I've sent to him before, but now I'll do it again in blog form.  Also this time I worked with a co-writer, my cousin Brad Simons (stand up comedian and part time comedy writer/cousin).  So here it is, here's the pitch!!!

The Beaten Path (working title)

Premise: A man in the mid-west who is working as a hack writer suddenly starts getting emails meant for a struggling Hollywood producer who just happens to have his same name.  On a bet from a friend, he starts replying to the emails.  Each decision he makes happens to be successful, setting up the Hollywood producer to unforeseen heights, the only problem is he has a rival who is wondering why he is having this success and sets out to find the reason why.  Boom.  The pitch.

The Cast:

So to give this pitch some life, I need to cast people you can see as the characters, to give this life.

Jeff Kleeman (midwest)

Seann William Scott, and a few reasons why.  This dude is talented and hasn't been in anything good (besides Goon) in years.  Also, I used to be called Stiffler in college, due to us having the same jaw structure (maybe?)... at least I hope that's the reason (I've never done any of the embarrassing things he did in the American Pie movies...I swear).

He's a guy you can root for and could do really well in the role...as me.



Jeff Kleeman (Hollywood)

For the role of producer I want someone not like the real life producer (he's nice!), I want someone who is both someone you can root for, but also someone who can play an ass who makes incredibly selfish decisions.  There is nobody more perfect for this than Jason Alexander.

This character is at the bottom of the barrel in Hollywood, then out of nowhere he starts to be successful and is struggling with why this is happening, but not telling anyone it's not him making these decisions.  He would be great.



Heather White (Hollywood producer foil of Jeff Kleeman/future love interest of midwest Jeff Kleeman)

Raechel Leigh Cook.  I want someone in their 30's who seemingly hasn't had plastic surgery.  Who is really pretty.  Also someone extremely talented who didn't get a shot after She's All That.  And she doesn't even have to wear glasses in this!

The character has to be kinda bitchy but with a redeeming quality, especially if she's the future love interest of one Jeff Kleeman.



Brad Simons (friend of Jeff/instigator of this all happening)

Jon Gabrus from Comedy Bang! Bang!  He is an up and coming comedian and would be amazing in this.  His character would be engaged, so a character arc for everyone involved!



Christy Abernathy (fiance of Brad)

Sasheer Zamata.  She was super underrated on Saturday Night Live and should be in something good post SNL.



Allyson Black (on-again/off-again girlfriend of midwest Jeff)

To round out the cast, my co-writer and I had one major disagreement.  Do we make the love interest the competing producer and have her be younger, then have Jeff's crappy girlfriend be some awful lady?  Or do we make the competing producer age appropriate, and have Jeff's crappy girlfriend be younger.

We went with the latter decision, and the best person for this, and my celeb crush (answer to my future blog for you loyal readers) is:



Milana Vayntrub.  You all know her from the AT&T commercials, but she's a legit funny person who was also in a few shows already (Silicon Valley, This Is Us).

Conclusion:

So what do I hope to get out of this!?  At best?  I get a "story by" credit for me, Jeff Kleeman!  I'll sit comfortably in South Dakota and leave the show to you professionals.  I'll just give you the story ideas and watch the money pile in.  Then I can use all my monies for my daughter and to finally go to Wrestlemania.

At middle best (is that a word?).  Someone steals this idea and it gets produced, and I know it was my idea, so in a way...kinda cool to have an idea stolen that's on TV.  It wouldn't be the first time I've come up with something cool that someone has used, and hopefully it won't be the last.

At worst?  I wrote a fun blog about my TV show idea, tag Jeff Kleeman on Facebook to get his attention, and get some hits out of the deal (well I just did that, so sort of a win).

But how do you pass on this amazing idea?  I don't think you can Jeff Kleeman...you're move!  I smell Emmy!



Goodbye #findbrokaw, you were great.  No hashtag needed on this new endeavor, I prefer pound signs anyway. 

Thanks for reading,

Jeff Kleeman - the mid-west one

PS Next weeks blog you may ask?  Oh man...you just wait.  Because I don't have an idea for one.  Feel free to text me with any (the hall pass one I'll literally have to pass on, forever.  Recent events, and future events, and it's in bad taste...so celeb crush is Milana Vayntrub who you can see above... the AT&T girl, take that Margot Robbie).

Viva! Las Baby!

So let's skip the "It's been a while since my last blog" stuff and get right to it.  This week you'll never even know I was gone, because I have THAT MUCH MATERIAL!  Finally!  First on the agenda... I brought my kid to Vegas and lived to tell about it!

I have now been to Vegas 4 times, 2 of the 3 times were drunken debaucheries (one boys trip, one bachelor/bachelorette Rat Pack party) that I'll forever remember.  One was a very relaxing trip with my girlfriend at the time, who now I'm lucky to say is my wife.  So I love Vegas, but a kid!?  What do you do with a three month old!?

What's that you say?  "Jeff, I saw The Hangover, having a baby in Vegas is hilarious and fun!"  Yeah, you're right, about half of the time it is.  So let's get in to a recap of my time with my wife and three month old child in Vegas.

Day 1

Babies first flight and....it oddly went damn near flawless.  The funny thing with kids and flying, it goes together like Kendall Jenner and Pepsi commercials, it's just a bad idea.



In my single days I would feel so bad for the parents who had the crying kid on a flight.  The kid doesn't know what's going on, so I can't blame him/her/gender fluid (lol, story later on that) for crying hysterically while embarrassed parents wait for it to be over.  So I was clearly expecting the worst.

Her very first flight though?  Not a peep.  Worked out great.  Layover in Denver, where we literally sprint from one end of the airport to the other to hit our connecting flight....we made it.  Still no crying.  We board the plane and wouldn't you know it, we're seated next to a douchy kid with headphones on who death glares us as we sit down.  The babies reaction?  A minor cry, but a massive poop has just transpired.  Totally inconveniencing the massive piece of crap who is sitting next to us.

So I change my first diaper on a plane, she's sliding everywhere, but we make it out without any crap or poop on us, sadly none to wipe accidentally on the ass sitting next to us.  God I hate that guy, and I will forever...

Also, I find it funny that my child and I had our first flights be to Vegas.  But I also find it funny that I was 24, and she wasn't even 3 months yet.  Silly.

Back to the story!

We land in Vegas!  Sin City!  We made it!  I am just amazed at how flawless this is going so far.  The only hang up, our amazing rental car, I can't find where to start the damn thing!?  OH MY GOD YOU START IT IN THE DASH!



Lincoln MKZ, you stole my heart.  And it's such a smooth ride!  Baby Zoe approved.



Some day, it will be mine.



So we drive to our resort, which actually isn't in Vegas, it's in the criminally underrated town of Henderson, NV.  We stayed at the Green Valley Ranch, which unlike most places I've stayed in Vegas, would love to go back to (sorry Luxor, you suck, Circus Circus was fine, and that weird house we stayed at, I still feel dirty):



I miss the pool already.  Speaking of which, let's get to Day 2!

Day 2

My wife has a conference, so it's just me and the baby, the first day is the entire day.  You read that correctly, it's just my baby and I.  At a casino.  For 8 hours.  What to do....

BUFFET.  POOL.  REPEAT.

But here's a tip.  Some people suck.  So you may be eating at a delicious buffet while your kid is sleeping in her car seat.  That won't stop old people from sneak attacking and trying to grab the stroller, moving it while going "OOHHHH CUTE BABY!"  Or people walking by and staring at you and your child.  Or people coming up to you for awkward conversation.

It's definitely the weirdest thing I've noticed with having a child...I was already very approachable, but now with the kid, it's a whole new world.  Also, and my wife agrees, it makes you more approachable to the opposite sex, which my friend Kyle said must appeal to a very specific demographic.

Also, back to the gender fluid comment from earlier, even if my child is wearing a bow, people will assume she is a boy.  It's the funniest thing ever.  I don't care, but I care.  So maybe strangers can try to say, nice baby or nice child.  Try to stay away from the assumptions ya jerks.

Random day 1 observations from Vegas:

- Fat Burger is one of the worst fast food burgers I've had, think Shake Shack without the amazing shake selection added in and grease staining my shoes.



I still have heartburn.

- CRAP WE FORGOT TO GET IN N OUT!  UGGGHHHHH!

- Pepsi is everywhere.  Every restaurant.  Every shop.  Couldn't find a Coke to save my life, and I'm quitting soda this week, so...thanks Vegas.

- Bring your baby to a pool in Vegas, order a drink thinking "Oh, the kid is doing great!"  Then as soon as the lady gets your drink, which takes forever in Vegas btw, your kid starts losing it.  Turns in to me downing a Shock Top and running to the hotel room.

- The most relieved I've ever been may be when my wife got out of the conference for the day.  I may have cried.  I'll admit it.

- Great sushi place there.  I found out my wife HATES oysters.  MORE FOR ME!

Let's get to day 3.

Day 3

Man do I want to gamble.  But you can't gamble with your child around you in Vegas.  You can here in South Dakota...I've seen it first hand!  Slot tourney in Deadwood, and this lady puffing a cigarette, while simultaneously holding her child and hitting buttons.  It was truly the third most impressive thing I've ever seen in my life (text me or write below what the first two are, if you are a friend of mine, you can probably name one of the top 2).

So since I can't gamble, I do the same exact thing as I did the day before hahahahaha.  Yeah.

BUFFET!  POOL!  REPEAT!

It's around this time I get one of those "I'm not from here tans/sunburns", then when you get back home to the mid-west during this time of year, someone always goes "Well it looks like someone got some SUN!?!?"  Always.  Happens.  Seriously.

Random observations from Day 3:

- Carmine's at Caesar's Palace is amazing.  It's this family Italian Restaurant.  But when you're a family of two adult human beings and one small child... we ate a good half of it and I was uncomfortable.  But great place to eat.

- Las Vegas is probably the easiest city I've ever had to drive in.  San Francisco clearly being the worst.  People were even polite on the road, it must've been the amazing Lincoln MKZ.

- The Forum shops are awesome in Vegas.

- Really debated a jacket until I texted my buddy Dino.  He wasn't a fan.

- The strip is still amazing.  Just incredible.  I want to go back already.  Let's go to Day 4.

Day 4

Probably the hardest day with the kid.  I've been sick the past 2 weeks, just now getting over it actually.  I think she may have caught it.  Or the time difference was f'ing her up.  Regardless she was having a day.  So instead of the usual "oh cute babeeeeee!" responses, I was carting her back to the hotel room as fast as possible to people going "aaaawwwwwwwww" to her crying.

Hotel room morning on this one, but I did watch Cheaters all morning...so I had that going for me.

That afternoon when Heather (my awesome wife) finished up, I got to gamble.  Finally!!!!

Now I'm a roulette fiend.  I love playing it, so I went to the video roulette table and met some new "friends".  Some nice gentleman who were roulette "experts" and told me to go along for a ride with them on their roulette plans.  At the time I was up about 80 bucks off of 20, so I politely declined.  I also declined the weed they offered me...every single time.

After leaving my new friends, my wife and I visited the lovely mall of Henderson, before meeting my wife's awesome friend Frances for dinner that night.  Luckily, Frances's boyfriend really wanted to go gamble.  So part 2!!!  More roulette.  More winning.  I finally beat Vegas...better than my usual losing money there.  Not as good as my friend winning up to 4k off of $20, and definitely not as good/bad as my buddy getting up to about 18k off a $20 and then losing it all.

Random observations:

- We'll always remember Svetla.  The nice, older roulette lady.  Think of a hot older lady in a James Bond movie.

- I may have met Juicy J and didn't realize it at the mall.  Or at least his friend.  We had a good talk.

This was our final night in Vegas, sadly.  It always goes too quick.  So day 5 is more of.....

Day 5

Cheaters!  I watched so much Cheaters in the morning.  People are horrible, even on scripted "reality" shows.

While waiting for my wife I did one last loop around the awesome place we stayed at.  Got some delicious salmon bagels at a cafe, and had one last meltdown from my child.  The funny part of this was, it wasn't that bad with my kid.  She's awesome.  After this meltdown she went to sleep, and since we were leaving and it was windy as hell outside, I just stayed in, I'm lucky enough to go to Vegas for 4 days, so I can call this morning a wash.

Sure there were some things I couldn't do, like gamble non-stop or go to gentleman's clubs, but she basically saved me from wasting a lot of money.  And I know my wife loved having her there as well, cries and all.  But she's awesome.  We even got this amazing poolside picture of her, see!



The flight back went great.  She didn't cry for more than a few seconds on either of the flights.  She actually fell asleep in the most uncomfortable looking position, but didn't make a peep.  We actually got complements from other passengers who were amazed at how quiet she was.  (I actually have never been glared at until I got back home the following day and some b death glared me at the grocery store.  I now have another enemy...that's now 9 people I'm enemies with in my entire life, feel free to text or list below if you think you can name the other 8)

So now, when we go to Chicago in two months, I am fully prepared for her to have a complete meltdown on the flights, and meltdown free on the trip itself.  Babies man, it's like they got a mind of their own.  But I'm looking forward to taking her to Wrigley and everywhere else she won't remember.

Thanks for reading.  I'm back!  Later this week will be which college and NFL team have the worst fans?  If it's anything like my Facebook status about that topic, it will be quite the read.  The easy answer is...everyone but your team.

Thanks again!  'Til net time.

Jeff Kleeman

Father Figure

Man that song is amazing!  RIP George Michael.  Limp Bizkit should remake it, just to get that career back on track.  But then again, I love song covers.  Which this blog is going to be about!

What, did you think this blog was going to be about being a parent?  As you can tell if you're an avid reader (which I know you are) I haven't written a blog in weeks.  Why?  The kid is super time consuming!  It's tough, because when she's asleep, you want to sleep, but then you end up doing something else.  Then when you want to sleep, you gotta take care of the kid.  Adult stuff.  So the blog has sadly been thrown to the side, until now.  But I will put a few random thoughts on parenthood right now:

- kids love to cry for no reason, it's not just food and poop
- if you are watching a show, they will cry at a really good part
- when they smile at you, your heart freaking melts
- random strangers will come up to you and the baby, and do baby talk
- oh, and our stroller is a celebrity, bigger celeb then the kid.  It's a stroller that folds up in to a car seat, people lose their minds, and randoms won't stop talking to us about it

So if you know me personally (and if you don't, you should, I'm great) you know I love music.  I also really, really, really love rock covers of pop songs.  Above I referenced one of the most well known covers of a song, Faith.

It's good....but it goes off the rails at the end.  I don't even like it to be honest with you.  If you're going on a cover from Limp Bizkit's collection, unpopular opinion I know, but I love Behind Blue Eyes...sorry, not sorry The Who fans (overrated band btw...sorry, not sorry).

Since we're on the rap/rock trail, let's get to the next cover that is phenomenal...Word Up! by Korn.

Incredible, isn't it?  Rap songs in to rock is really hard, and they did it.  The only one that did it better was a band named Framing Hanley, who covered Lollipop by Lil Wayne.

Another little known rock band that was amazing was Local H, who had a song called Bound For the Floor (trust me, you've heard it), but they have an insanely good cover of Toxic by Britney...

On the other spectrum of that, there is a remake of Cry Me a River, which was my favorite cover of all time, until the lead singer of the band did something so horrendous, I don't want to mention it in this blog.  Feel free to pull it up, but I just can't listen to it anymore.  So my favorite cover now falls to a different Britney song.

Britney would be proud!



Wow, remember that version of Britney Spears!?  Around the same time I discovered the song above, Johnny Cash had released his classic cover of a Nine Inch Nail song, Hurt:

Nirvana also had an amazing cover of well, of the David Bowie classic, The Man Who Sold the World:

Nirvana drummer, also known as the coolest guy in music Dave Grohl has a great cover of Tiny Dancer, go ahead and take a listen, if not just for the chorus.

Finally, if you are a visitor here, you know of my love of Hall and Oates, picture found here: Hall and Oates and Jeff

Well here is a cover of my favorite song by them, I Can't Go For That (No Can Do).

Which this link brings up two questions:

1) Why aren't kazoos in more songs!?
2) There need to be more song titles that use a parenthesis.  If my band (Gotch Gracy) actually had any songs, we'd have a parenthesis in about half of them.

So these are just a few of the best covers of all time.  I know I missed a couple (Killing Me Softly by the Fugees, Metallica's version of Turn the Page, any cover of Rebecca Black's "Friday")... so the following song is one that SHOULD be covered, like immediately.  But first, a side story.

My cousin Brad and I (who are starting a podcast, stay tuned), had a debate over which song should have a cover.  I always pushed for Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson, which in my head I assumed I always told him.  Fast forward a few years, the lovely band Alien Ant Farm came out with a cover!  Overjoyed at me being awesome and thinking it'd be a great rock cover, I told Brad.  Brad... let's just say he doesn't believe I ever said such a thing.  Brad is a jerk, this will be covered on a future podcast, guaranteed.

To move along to his song that would make a great "rock" cover, Lisa Loeb with "Stay"....he is correct, if he in fact came up with that idea on his own....

Well that's it for this week, thanks for reading like usual.  I have no clue what the next blog will be about, definitely not Trump or politics...unless it's the "long awaited" who is the next person who should run for president.  Until next time!

Jeff Kleeman

I'm Apparent

One month in on being a parent and here we are.  If our life was a movie (the rights still are up for grabs producer Jeff Kleeman in Hollywood!), this would be the part where halfway through we're at the "WHY WON'T SHE STOP CRYING!" part and then a montage of us trying to make her stop to an amazing song, probably this one by Hall and Oates:

Kids...they love to cry.  They also like to be incredibly adorable.  Zoe is awesome.  So since we're at over a month (holy crap), I'm going to do some random observations before my next blog which has to be about how horrible Trump has been, right!?  Or maybe a comical list of who will be a better president in 2020...yup, that's definitely my next blog.  But until then....

MORE RANDOM THINGS I HAVE NOTICED AS A PARENT!

- it now takes over 4 days to watch a complete movie.  No matter the length, I just watched Other People (decent flick, sad surprisingly) and it took me a week.  I can't imagine how long a 3 hour movie would take.  Til 2020?!

- let's get to what we're all thinking: poop.  Poop gets everywhere.  I think by the end of the day, I approximately have 1,000,000 flecks of poop dust all over me.  No joke.

- I believe I spoke about this in the last blog (parent brain, it's real), but my kid could be at a Metallica concert and be passed the f out.  But if I even have a drink of water from across the room, she is going to wake up with GREAT VENGEANCE AND FURIOUS ANGER!



- I hate people wanting to hold my kid, especially people I've never met.  It's not so much you...but it's you.  You may have a cold, or not washed your hands, or not gotten your flu shot.

Our whole family was together last week, and as she was being passed around I just kept thinking, please I hope you washed your hands.  Then people I've never met, or haven't seen in years, or people when I was out and about in town, I definitely was hesitant about.  This might sound dickish, but I guarantee you all thought this if you had a newborn.  And nobody wants a sick kid, she already cries enough as is....

- speaking of my family, I found out you guys all read this!?  Hey everybody!  Hope you all don't mind the cuss words, 49'ers rants (great head coach hire!) and random thoughts.  And hi Ethan!  Milo says hi and wants you to write him.



- playing video games is done, for like a long time right?  I luckily don't play any online games, due to all of them making me motion sick.  But I love me sports games, and I love my collection of NES games even more.

The sports games I have to pause about as much as I would while watching a movie.  The NES has something called cords (it wasn't always wireless people under 23...random age I selected).  So I now have a collection of 70 something games that I can't play until Trump is out of office in 2020 (next weeks blog!  How's that for promotion!?).

- earlier I alluded to how long it takes to finish a movie, but on the flip side of that, wow my DVR and Netflix queue is cleaning up!  I'm caught up on everything where I can even start a new show.

So, a little interaction here, I'm about to start 1 of 3 shows with my wife, feel free to text, message or post on this blog or FB site your vote (just don't do it by telegraph, I need to brush up):

- Brooklyn Nine Nine
- Veep
- Santa Clarita Diet

- also since we're all caught up on the queue, shows to watch ya'll!!!

- Luke Cage
- The Crown
- Stranger Things
- Mr. Robot

That's just 4, we've seen....more than that.

- and finally, what did people do before Facebook and the internet with pictures of their kids!?
If you would like a photo, I can text one, or maybe even get one printed out and send it if we're close enough.

We don't need to document her every waking minute and put it online (if you do this, it's completely fine, you do you.  Everyone has a different opinion on this, this is ours).  We take pictures just for us, not someone I went to high school with and haven't spoken with in 18 years (wow I'm old).  So relax, because once she gets Facebook in high school, I'm sure she will share more than enough.

That's it for this week!  I'm really looking forward to next weeks blog, you know, the one where I come up with candidates to replace this Trump mess.

Until next time....

Jeff Kleeman

Thoughts on Parenthood

It's been 19 days since our lives changed with the addition of our beautiful daughter Zoe.  It's also been 19 days of hilarious thoughts that have come in to my head since her arrival in to this world.

I wouldn't trade this experience for the world, but maybe I would've slept a little more beforehand?Regardless, here are some random thoughts on parenthood.  Enjoy.

- no matter where the burp rag goes, she will literally puke milk anywhere else but that damn burp rag.  I am currently typing this with burp juice all over me.

- poop isn't as big of a deal as I thought it would be...speaking of which...

- products for washing your clothes have come a long way!  It's so impressive that you would have no idea that 3 outfits she's about to wear she crapped all over.  The future is now!



- headphones for the "I'm upset cry" may be needed.  My hearing is bad enough, but the decibels that she puts out when she's pissed could double as a tornado alarm.

- the amount of people who flock to a newborn baby are crazy...okay, let's rephrase.  The amount of women who flock to a newborn baby are crazy.  Single friends of mine, feel free to babysit for an hour or two, but you have to pay me per date you get, let's start at $50.

- if you're kid is asleep on you, you can't move, you can't talk, you can't even blink.  She will be waking up...

- on the flip-side of that, if you are in a public place where it's loud as hell, she won't wake up.  What kind of cruel joke is this!?  She is now 4 for 4 on us eating at a restaurant.

- sleeping sucks, but I expected part of it, with the crying and feeding and changing of diapers.  I didn't expect to wake up when I hear zero noise.  Oh, I just put my child to sleep thirty seconds ago and she's not making a noise?  Well shit, I better go see if she's alive.  Then repeat process about 2-15 more times throughout the night.



- my baby farts louder than I do.  She is going to kill me for putting this fact up in about 12-14 years.

- I elaborated on this last week, but having a kid has really upped the re-watching of movies I haven't seen in years, or seen at all.  It's 1 AM, am I going to watch No Strings Attached?  Sure Natalie Portman is delightful!  The Blind Side?  I guess.  Twilight?  Okay, I won't even succumb to that garbage.

- I have now been peed on more times in my life (2-3 times I thought?) than I ever thought...I think I discussed that in my last blog, but I don't remember because....

- parent brain is real.  I wrote a blog I think a week ago?  But it feels like 8 weeks.  What day is it?  No clue.  If ESPN didn't constantly hype the Super Bowl, I would probably forget about it this Sunday (go Falcons).  Or even know what month it is.  I am in living fear of the day daylight savings time happens.

I'm not used to this since I'm always prepared and have everything scheduled.  I feel it'll start to normalize soon, but until it does, I better get going, I have Christmas presents to buy (is it Christmas?!).

Thanks for reading,

Jeff Kleeman

Fatherhood

I have now been a father for over a week.  Let me repeat that again if that first sentence didn't seem believable.  I have now been a father...FOR OVER A WEEK!

It's awesome.  It's one of the craziest/amazing/awesome experiences of my life.  So the following are going to be things I have learned from the past week.  Maybe a story thrown in here and there.  So enjoy the read!

* Disclosure, plan to not share my daughters photo on this blog, and sparingly on Facebook is working great.  So no photos on here for a long time, sorry baby picture enthusiasts.  And Facebook friends, she will be put up sparingly as planned, which with our experience was probably the reason our kids photo got a large amount of likes.  Less is more.

So let's start with the actual process of the birth.  To you fellow novices out there, it's not like the movies.

Oh man, it is not.  When you initially think about the day of the pregnancy, you think you'll be dodging heavy traffic, while she's yelling at you in the passenger seat, making it to the hospital just in time to meet nurses, waiting at the door.  Then the kid comes out 20 minutes later.  The end.

Ha, it doesn't happen that way, besides the wife yelling at your driving part.  It was a process for sure, that's for sure.  And ladies, not that I didn't respect you before (except the Kardashian's, no respect for them, except you Kylie), but wow, you are tough.  My wife birthed a 9 pound 11 ounce kid.  I'm typing this now, crying because I have to poop really, really bad.  That's impressive.

Not only that, an epidural seems like a torture that James Bond would have to endure.  I'd rather take take a laser to the nuts, or sharks with laser beams on their head, rather than experience the pain my wife went through with that.

The actual birth was memorable.  It started on 1-11 in room 111, and we hit 11:11 PM...and it kept going.

She was born at 12:13 AM on 1-12.  So if you like the classics Peaches & Cream and It's Over Now by 112, it's an easy birthday to remember (I'm such a fanboy)!



I was in the room for the process, the only thing I will share, because it's personal, is that seeing the child peek out of there is the most out of body experience ever.  Seeing a human being you've been talking to through a belly for months, peeking out, about to actually come in the world, it's life changing for sure.  I'd be tearing up right now, but again, I really have to poop.

The funny things I did notice that I will share, are the following:

- pregnant women have no shame.
- the push to get the child out is exactly like the movies, swearing and all
- we had a rock star doctor, who I don't know how she focused on the distractions of one too many people in the room, but she did it.  Hats off.
- we had music playing in the background, thought it'd be cool if she came out to an awesome song, "Best Day of My Life" as an example, but I think she came in to Mumford & Sons, she's such a music snob already.
- That first night I don't think I slept?  I think?  Unless I did.  Actually the next 3 days I didn't much, not complaining, just letting you know, if I have any spelling errors, I'm quite sleep deprived.  I had about 6 1/2 hours of sleep those first three nights, my wife even less.

So those were some observations from that night/day.  Here are some from the following days.

- breast feeding in theory looks easy, again I blame the movies and TV.  You don't just whip it out and they start eating right away, more of a process to it.  So if you happen upon this and get discouraged, it's fine, it happens to all.  Did I know that before?  No.  That's why there should be a Schempp Expose or a Reasoner Roundup or a Coley Calling All Friends (my friends who had kids before me who clearly could've written a weekly humorous blog...you're welcome for the cool names if you ever decide to write one fellas).

- I can now spot nipple cream containers from across the room...just thought I'd share that info.
- you can buy any amount of things that may work to help your child sleep, we got a bassinet that's the bomb...in theory.  But does she like that?  Nah, she likes a hand me down rocker-type thing the most.  It vibrates!

- women love newborn babies, I knew this before, but not to this extent.  If I take my daughter anywhere, she will be smothered by people.  Which is awesome, no complaints, I just hope they washed their hands.

* unrelated, but I bet if my male friends that are single babysat my kid, they could take her to a park or something and INSTANTLY get attention from single women.  I may have to charge them for this magical idea.

- poop comes out of your clothes, milk vomit doesn't....at first.

- black poop is a thing.  Surprisingly poop doesn't gross me out as much as I thought it was going to, but according to my friends, it's that 2 1/2 year old poop you gotta watch out for.

- 3 AM TV isn't too bad, tons of infomercials, SportsCenter and music videos are actually played on MTV.

- you can still do what you did before, just pick your time.  I like video games still, and crushing our Netflix queue.  Exercising sucks, but I like to do it, it's still all possible.  So don't think your life is over.  And yes, you can still go on trips...according to my friends, that idea I will definitely write about when we try that this summer (Chicago!).

- you will find people give unwanted parenting advice, for the good info, take it, lock it up, and keep it.  For the dumb stuff, smile and nod and listen to It's Over Now by 112 in your head, then forget it ever happened.

- your phone will blow up the day you announce.  People you haven't heard from in years, asking how the kid is, maybe shocked you procreated.  The coolest part of the messages we received, people seemingly liked the name of our child (that's the best humble brag of all, because I love the name Zoe).

- my friends in the past year (except Matt) have seemingly only had boys.  You know what that means?  Get in line boys, because they can date our daughter in the future, and we can have shared holiday's and life will be awesome.  Ha, or she'll make her own decisions, probably date at least one guy I dislike until meeting someone awesome...please don't grow up too fast Zoe!

- And finally, I said it earlier, but my wife is a rock star.  The common misconception, when the birth is done, basically all the hard work is done, minus some sleep here and there.  Nah, there's more than that.  There's a lot to it, especially if you want to be a good, involved parent.  But put in the work, because it's the greatest thing I've ever accomplished, that and meeting and marrying my wife, the rock star who seemingly feeds all day, who pushed a child out of her body that weighs approximately the same as a sack of potatoes.  She's amazing, they are both amazing.  I'm a lucky guy.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff Kleeman

Goals

It's 2017, which means a few things.  1.  You have decided that this year you are going to be a new you!  Yeah!!!!



2.  You, 9 days in, have already failed and reverted back to your bad habits.  It's okay!  You are still an awesome person.  And for you, yes YOU, reading this that has kept up on your New Year's resolution, well, the following gif is for you:



What'd you expect?  A douchy gif, showing how upset I am with your accomplishments?  No, that's not me, you do you.

I luckily didn't make any New Year's Resolutions, instead, I'm making a list of things to work on or do better at this year.  Maybe the first thing, and most of you should follow suit since...well because I'm right about this one, stop being so cynical about everything.

Oh, I know it's hard to do, especially with the climate of everything now.  People on both sides being god awful or obnoxious in their beliefs, or posts.  But just try.  Maybe get off the Facebook or Twitter, because it's getting you riled up.  Turn off the news, go for a jog (resolution for some) and relax.
Good will always...trump evil (see what I did there?), so it'll all be better shortly, sometimes things have to get crappy before they get better.  Crap, maybe I better attempt to stop pushing my beliefs at you, that's thing to work on number 1!

So let's get this party started huh?  The following are things that I, Jeff Kleeman, will work at learning/improving/doing for the year 2017.

1. Read above.  But I feel the work I put in to this blog in 2016 wasn't as great as 2014/15.  I can blame moving, a new job, leaving that job that turned in to crap, us expecting a child...I can use any excuse, but I just wasn't feeling it.  You can blame me.

I was getting too upset at idiots I saw posting on Facebook and wanted to write the perfect blog or take down, then would get writer's block when I tried, or had to delete it because it was too nasty.

My opinion isn't going to change how these people think, just like theirs is definitely not going to change the way I do.  So back to the basics of the blog: fun thoughts, 49'ers, pro wrestling, less NES blogs, and in perhaps as little as two days, a lot of thoughts on parenting.

2. Speaking of which, I must keep improving this blog.  I found I hated writing it when I was forcing certain subjects or writing it just to keep consistent with my posts.  Garbage.  This blog is certainly therapeutic, and judging by my numbers, you must like reading it for whatever reason, so I'll make sure not one blog sucks this year.

3. The most important one by far.  I'm going to do everything I can to be an amazing dad.  All I have to do is show up on day one and I'll be a better father than my dad within 1 second of my child's life.

Also, and no offense to those who do, I'm not going to post pictures of my kid just to get internet points.  Or attention.  Special pictures can go up, so friends or family who live far away can see some stuff.  But the thing that annoys me about it, the kids can't even talk yet, and people they don't know can track their every move.  It's weird.  And if you have a lot of Facebook friends, you don't legit know EVERYBODY, some people from college you knew could turn out to be pretty damn creepy in the future, it's been 10 years, a lot can change (I thought Hoobastank was here to last!).

Go on Facebook, right now, I dare you to not find one within one tiny scroll.  It's scary.  One of my best friends sent a photo of his newborn, I like that.  You can even send a text with a picture.  Not every single little thing needs to be documented on social media.  Not everything is worth sharing.

4. Speaking of sharing.  I will continue to make my Facebook experience as enjoyable as possible.

Full disclosure, any political garbage you share, unfollowed, fake news, unfollowed, posting pure garbage, unfollowed.  A repost with that damn old lady who isn't funny, unfollowed.



My Facebook feed is so clean, I'm legit shocked when I scroll through it and some garbage gets in there on how the decrease of nuclear families is making American's less patriotic (who, by the way, was posted by someone who was known for less than PG stunts in college on a consistent basis).

The next step may be unfriending the people, since I've documented how freaking hard it is to quit Facebook.

5.  I gotta read more books.  The time I spend scrolling through imgur and Twitter can be better suited to reading a book.  I've probably read the same "dump" (a dump is a bunch of photos all on one page, shared at once) 3 or 4 times now.  I can probably stand to learn something new.

So 5 seems like a good amount to stop at where I elaborate on what I change.  I think the rest of the way a quick "rapid fire" of all the things to improve on for 2017:

6. Finally start Weeds and Dexter (I've waited since 2011 and have no shows left, hooray!  I am truly somebody!)

7. Keep being a huge fan of the 49'ers, even though they suck, the Michigan Wolverines, even though they are now somehow more hated than Alabama/Nebraska/Ohio St/USC/Notre Dame, and root for the Cubs (I've written a blog about my change from the Mariners to Chicago, I love baseball as a sport to watch, even more so than football, I just really stopped caring about Seattle, plus I hate the Seahawks, so making the change to my NL team was easy), even though the ultimate irony is how much they will be hated now that they are really good.  Also go Bruins?

8. Keep listening to music, new and old, discovering new things.  It's always important, especially with a kid, to expose her to good music.  Limp Bizkit nursery rhymes mixed with Mary Had a Little Lamb.  Sure.

9. Keep exercising and eating right.  So, I just started this eating right thing, with mixed results.  I've never had to diet before, and wow, it's hard.  You can't just eat a slice of pizza for a snack, then have dinner, then ice cream, then a soda.  Also, do you know how many calories are in a soda!?  Jesus.

Losing about 15 pounds is my goal, and it's definitely attainable with eating healthy, doing my workouts, oh and I just got DDP Yoga, and so far, it's really awesome.

10.  I will defeat The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past.  It's time to get that monkey from 1994 off of my back.

11.  Start saving for Wrestlemania next year.  Heather, Baby Kleeman, Brad, let's do this.

12.  Going on trips, life is too short.  We'll have a kid with us, but 2-3 trips a year is still doable.  And think of the internet points I can get, I mean, photos I can take!

Well I'm gonna end here, I have a few more goals, but I won't share them here.  2017 is going to be great, there will always be some bumps in the road, but just stay positive.  All you have to do is stop arguing with people on the internet and your year will improve already.

If you have any ideas on how to improve yourself, hell, even others, feel free to respond on this or my FB page.

Thanks for reading.

Jeff Kleeman