The Mind of a 49'ers Fan

Blogging on the opening game for my beloved San Francisco 49'ers, the best 32nd ranked NFL team ever!?  Yes, so jump in to my mind during a 49'ers game.  When they suck.

9:12  And now, the game nobody really wants to watch at the end of a long football weekend.  That's my team!  Go 9'ers!!!!

9:13  Love, Steve Young on commentary.  Hate, Chris Berman on commentary.  I can never fully win, also...Berman's ties.  Yikes.



I hate Berman because he seems like such a douche.  Then I read a few things that makes me know he's a douche.  His only saving grace is he's a 9ers fan.

9:14  It took two minutes to bring up the backup quarterback does not stand during the national anthem.  Here's my take, who cares?  I have a lot of military friends, I see the point of being upset with him...but...free country, they fought for his right to do it.  He's not hurting anybody.  And a lot of us definitely can't relate to how people of a different race feel...so there's that.

And trust me, before you say I love Kaepernick, everyone who knows me, knows how much I hate Kaepernick.  Really ever since this...



9:15  THE ANTHEM ISN'T EVEN BEING SUNG!!!!  Probably a Trump supporter or idiot complaining.



9:17  Fun fact, I won Lindsey Stirling tickets when I lived in Lincoln.  I won them so a mom could surprise her daughter because that was her favorite artist.  So that's cool.  Also she's kinda cute.



She's 29!?!

9:19  Again I don't hate Kaepernick for doing what he believes in, I hate Kaepernick for getting my hopes up that a new dynasty was upon the 49'ers and now they suck.  That's now two reasons I hate him.

9:20  This time last year I was at that stadium.  With their crap black jersey.  GET SOME GOLD ON IT!  Then it will make sense.



9:21 Goff being third string makes me think he's a white JaMarcus Russell.  Watch out for the sizzurp.  And the weight gain.

9:22  I feel the 9'ers defense will legit be decent.  The offense, yet to be seen.

9:23  Okay maybe I spoke too soon.

9:24  Case Keenum looks like Kurt Warner right now.  If Kurt Warner wasn't good.

9:26  Every time I clap, my dog thinks he can come up on the couch.  He is not allowed on the couch. Quick side story, his name, sometimes, is Frank Gore.  So imagine how confused he used to be.

9:28  Let the Blaine Gabbert era begin.

9:29  For old times sake "YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HYDE!"



He is like a new Frank Gore.  Patient

9:30  If Torrey Smith wants to be the #1 wide receiver, he has to legit catch an easy pass.

9:31  I just got excited about a complete pass.  Tough times are upon us this year.

9:31 And punting...

9:32  That "On the Way Up" promo for ESPN Sunday Countdown...was the whitest thing I've ever seen.... and that was with Moss and Woodson being included.

9:34  I only fear Todd Gurley on this team, no one else.

9:35  Best logo in the NFL and jersey goes to my team, the 49'ers, I don't care.  I can see a Packers or Cowboys argument, but that would be invalid.  I'm unbiased as they come.

9:36  My team employs Jeremy Kerley, I am sadly happy about that.

9:38  Jerry Rice right now, would be the number 2 wide receiver on the 49ers.  Not even kidding.

9:40  Best offensive weapon is Gabbert running for his life up the middle.  Worst offensive weapon, missing Jeremy Kerley on a for sure TD.

9:41  Again, run to the middle.  First down.  This keeps up he's going to have the single game rushing record for a quarterback.

9:42  I'm kidding, but seriously, it's been every f'ing play that's gotten any yards.

9:42   Garrett Celek drop.  Go figure.

9:44  YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HYDE!!!!  Touchdown.

9:46  Phil Dawson, just a fan of that guy.



9:48  Jeff Fischer is the most average coach ever.  He is who that girl settles with, you know, the attractive girl, she's got a good job, but her dude cheated on her, so she gets a guy who won't leave her ever, but will never amount to anything...that's Jeff Fischer.  It used to be David Arquette.



9:50  It will never get worse than J.T. O' Sullivan.  That 49'ers era was so bad.

9:51  A completion!

9:54  Tan Hyde!

9:56  When did ESPN become super lame?  Was it when Dan Patrick left!?  When the NFL essentially got control of them?  When they fired Bill Simmons?

9:59  Worst 4th down attempt ever.

10:00  Momentum killer.

10:07  Thanks Todd Gurley!

10:08  Pick!!!!!!!!

10:11  A knee interception!

10:12  A text from my buddy Brett "Bowman just intercepted that with his D*#K"



10:13  Fourth down conversion!!!!

10:14  Every time Hyde falls to the ground I hold my breath

10:15 The line is looking good on both sides.  What is this?  2014?

10:16 Third down?  Welp, just run to the middle.

10:16  Shaun Draughn...TD!!!  Wait, Shaun Draughn TOUCHDOWN!?

10:20  The defense looks good.  I can't get over this.  Hope I didn't jinx them.

10:21  I jinxed them.

10:23  Jimmie Ward sighting!

10:27  Hyde ruining my fantasy hopes of winning my game.  And I'm fine with that!

10:29  Kerley is doing well?  Oh crap, was there a fumble?

10:30  Damn you Shaun Draughn!!!

10:34  Two minute warning, 14-0 San Fran.  I like it.

10:39  Berman tries to hide how much of a 9ers homer he is.  It makes me kind of bond with him, even though I hate him.  It's those ties....



10:43  A time out with over 20 seconds left in the half?  What is this!?  Madden!?

10:50  I dislike how the half has begun.  I fear this lead being given up.

10:55  Whew!  Punt.  The quote of the first half, where I thankfully took a break from blogging was Herm Edwards saying, "The Rams offense has set back NFL offenses 50 years".

11:04  So you can barely tap a quarterback and it's a huge penalty.  Touch a punt returner after he catches it, which is a penalty, and no call.  NFL refs are the worst.

11:13  I see why Hekker is the number one punter.

11:16  This game is going to be a big let's run the clock out starting in the 3rd quarter kinda game.

11:17  Third and 10...and now 4th and 10.  Great...

11:19  Home Sweet Home is just an amazing song.  Seriously.

11:21  I think the only offense that may be worse than San Francisco's... is Los Angeles.

11:22  You're fine St. Louis.  You lost nothing.  Keep quiet for a bit and you can get the Jags or someone else in a few years, right?  Steal another franchise.  Then get mad when they move again in 20 years.

11:22  No penalties!?  Tomsula is definitely not coaching this team.

11:23  I bet the punters are tired of punting - my wife.  She's right.

11:28  Another punt, a good return.  Scared team may self destruct.

11:38  This game is going too long and allergies are making me not loving life.  Powering to stay awake, may not last much longer.  Especially with punt city.

11:45  Touchdown, 21-0.  Wow.  What in the living hell.

11:49  Wow, totally almost fell asleep and heard a fan ran on the field.  Lame.  You want attention just sit down for the national anthem...

11:55  Well I think my team is gonna win.  You know what this means!?  31st best team in the league babaaaaay!



9:12  Awoke on my sick day to see 28-0 final score.  Solid.  Some thoughts.  Late night Monday Night Football games suck when you're past 30, especially when you don't feel good.  The 9ers defense looked great, which is good, BUT they played the Rams.  The offense put up 28, against a Rams defense that looked shockingly out of sync.  I still hate Baalke but maybe his moves may work out.  I REALLY hate York, but that's because of his privilege.  But Chip Kelly!?  Love him.  Might name my kid after him if he keeps this up.  And Navarro Bowman is the absolute best.

9:13  With that being said, the 49'ers look like they COULD win maybe 7 games...but I thought the same last year when they walloped the Vikings.  So we'll see by mid-season.  Hoping at least 7 wins, then moving back up the next few years.  Thanks for reading.
Jeff Kleeman

Blogging on the opening game for my beloved San Francisco 49'ers, the best 32nd ranked NFL team ever!?  Yes, so jump in to my mind during a 49'ers game.  When they suck.

9:12  And now, the game nobody really wants to watch at the end of a long football weekend.  That's my team!  Go 9'ers!!!!

9:13  Love, Steve Young on commentary.  Hate, Chris Berman on commentary.  I can never fully win, also...Berman's ties.  Yikes.



I hate Berman because he seems like such a douche.  Then I read a few things that makes me know he's a douche.  His only saving grace is he's a 9ers fan.

9:14  It took two minutes to bring up the backup quarterback does not stand during the national anthem.  Here's my take, who cares?  I have a lot of military friends, I see the point of being upset with him...but...free country, they fought for his right to do it.  He's not hurting anybody.  And a lot of us definitely can't relate to how people of a different race feel...so there's that.

And trust me, before you say I love Kaepernick, everyone who knows me, knows how much I hate Kaepernick.  Really ever since this...



9:15  THE ANTHEM ISN'T EVEN BEING SUNG!!!!  Probably a Trump supporter or idiot complaining.



9:17  Fun fact, I won Lindsey Stirling tickets when I lived in Lincoln.  I won them so a mom could surprise her daughter because that was her favorite artist.  So that's cool.  Also she's kinda cute.



She's 29!?!

9:19  Again I don't hate Kaepernick for doing what he believes in, I hate Kaepernick for getting my hopes up that a new dynasty was upon the 49'ers and now they suck.  That's now two reasons I hate him.

9:20  This time last year I was at that stadium.  With their crap black jersey.  GET SOME GOLD ON IT!  Then it will make sense.



9:21 Goff being third string makes me think he's a white JaMarcus Russell.  Watch out for the sizzurp.  And the weight gain.

9:22  I feel the 9'ers defense will legit be decent.  The offense, yet to be seen.

9:23  Okay maybe I spoke too soon.

9:24  Case Keenum looks like Kurt Warner right now.  If Kurt Warner wasn't good.

9:26  Every time I clap, my dog thinks he can come up on the couch.  He is not allowed on the couch. Quick side story, his name, sometimes, is Frank Gore.  So imagine how confused he used to be.

9:28  Let the Blaine Gabbert era begin.

9:29  For old times sake "YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HYDE!"



He is like a new Frank Gore.  Patient

9:30  If Torrey Smith wants to be the #1 wide receiver, he has to legit catch an easy pass.

9:31  I just got excited about a complete pass.  Tough times are upon us this year.

9:31 And punting...

9:32  That "On the Way Up" promo for ESPN Sunday Countdown...was the whitest thing I've ever seen.... and that was with Moss and Woodson being included.

9:34  I only fear Todd Gurley on this team, no one else.

9:35  Best logo in the NFL and jersey goes to my team, the 49'ers, I don't care.  I can see a Packers or Cowboys argument, but that would be invalid.  I'm unbiased as they come.

9:36  My team employs Jeremy Kerley, I am sadly happy about that.

9:38  Jerry Rice right now, would be the number 2 wide receiver on the 49ers.  Not even kidding.

9:40  Best offensive weapon is Gabbert running for his life up the middle.  Worst offensive weapon, missing Jeremy Kerley on a for sure TD.

9:41  Again, run to the middle.  First down.  This keeps up he's going to have the single game rushing record for a quarterback.

9:42  I'm kidding, but seriously, it's been every f'ing play that's gotten any yards.

9:42   Garrett Celek drop.  Go figure.

9:44  YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HYDE!!!!  Touchdown.

9:46  Phil Dawson, just a fan of that guy.



9:48  Jeff Fischer is the most average coach ever.  He is who that girl settles with, you know, the attractive girl, she's got a good job, but her dude cheated on her, so she gets a guy who won't leave her ever, but will never amount to anything...that's Jeff Fischer.  It used to be David Arquette.



9:50  It will never get worse than J.T. O' Sullivan.  That 49'ers era was so bad.

9:51  A completion!

9:54  Tan Hyde!

9:56  When did ESPN become super lame?  Was it when Dan Patrick left!?  When the NFL essentially got control of them?  When they fired Bill Simmons?

9:59  Worst 4th down attempt ever.

10:00  Momentum killer.

10:07  Thanks Todd Gurley!

10:08  Pick!!!!!!!!

10:11  A knee interception!

10:12  A text from my buddy Brett "Bowman just intercepted that with his D*#K"



10:13  Fourth down conversion!!!!

10:14  Every time Hyde falls to the ground I hold my breath

10:15 The line is looking good on both sides.  What is this?  2014?

10:16 Third down?  Welp, just run to the middle.

10:16  Shaun Draughn...TD!!!  Wait, Shaun Draughn TOUCHDOWN!?

10:20  The defense looks good.  I can't get over this.  Hope I didn't jinx them.

10:21  I jinxed them.

10:23  Jimmie Ward sighting!

10:27  Hyde ruining my fantasy hopes of winning my game.  And I'm fine with that!

10:29  Kerley is doing well?  Oh crap, was there a fumble?

10:30  Damn you Shaun Draughn!!!

10:34  Two minute warning, 14-0 San Fran.  I like it.

10:39  Berman tries to hide how much of a 9ers homer he is.  It makes me kind of bond with him, even though I hate him.  It's those ties....



10:43  A time out with over 20 seconds left in the half?  What is this!?  Madden!?

10:50  I dislike how the half has begun.  I fear this lead being given up.

10:55  Whew!  Punt.  The quote of the first half, where I thankfully took a break from blogging was Herm Edwards saying, "The Rams offense has set back NFL offenses 50 years".

11:04  So you can barely tap a quarterback and it's a huge penalty.  Touch a punt returner after he catches it, which is a penalty, and no call.  NFL refs are the worst.

11:13  I see why Hekker is the number one punter.

11:16  This game is going to be a big let's run the clock out starting in the 3rd quarter kinda game.

11:17  Third and 10...and now 4th and 10.  Great...

11:19  Home Sweet Home is just an amazing song.  Seriously.

11:21  I think the only offense that may be worse than San Francisco's... is Los Angeles.

11:22  You're fine St. Louis.  You lost nothing.  Keep quiet for a bit and you can get the Jags or someone else in a few years, right?  Steal another franchise.  Then get mad when they move again in 20 years.

11:22  No penalties!?  Tomsula is definitely not coaching this team.

11:23  I bet the punters are tired of punting - my wife.  She's right.

11:28  Another punt, a good return.  Scared team may self destruct.

11:38  This game is going too long and allergies are making me not loving life.  Powering to stay awake, may not last much longer.  Especially with punt city.

11:45  Touchdown, 21-0.  Wow.  What in the living hell.

11:49  Wow, totally almost fell asleep and heard a fan ran on the field.  Lame.  You want attention just sit down for the national anthem...

11:55  Well I think my team is gonna win.  You know what this means!?  31st best team in the league babaaaaay!



9:12  Awoke on my sick day to see 28-0 final score.  Solid.  Some thoughts.  Late night Monday Night Football games suck when you're past 30, especially when you don't feel good.  The 9ers defense looked great, which is good, BUT they played the Rams.  The offense put up 28, against a Rams defense that looked shockingly out of sync.  I still hate Baalke but maybe his moves may work out.  I REALLY hate York, but that's because of his privilege.  But Chip Kelly!?  Love him.  Might name my kid after him if he keeps this up.

9:13  With that being said, the 49'ers look like they COULD win maybe 7 games...but I thought the same last year when they walloped the Vikings.  So we'll see by mid-season.  Hoping at least 7 wins, then moving back up the next few years.  Thanks for reading.
Jeff Kleeman

Dad Bod

I'm back!  It's been a good week since I wrote a blog, due to a combo of things.  Stranger Things and The Night Of took over our nights, both are must see shows if you haven't started either.  Adult life always seems to make time fly by.  The new job is going...well it's going.  My cousin came in from Chicago to go to his ex's wedding, so I got to see him a few nights and I'm trying to get in shape at the gym to try and stave off "dad bod" for as long as I can.



Speaking of which, the reason for today's blog, and many others that will be following this, I'm gonna be a dad!  And not only that, for you readers who visit the blog but don't actually know me, I am going to be having a girl (well my wife is, I just kinda helped make it).  What do I think about having a girl?

Freaking excited!  It is going to be awesome and I can't wait.  I keep hearing how being a parent is life changing, and things will never be the same, and that's great.  So I thought for today's blog, I would write some random thoughts I have on things that have happened so far and things that will/may/hopefully won't happen.

So far, the funniest thing I've noticed, especially since we're having a girl, are all the people offering up the services of their children for marriage, most of which their sons can't even say the alphabet yet.  It has made me think that arranged marriages may start coming back in a big way.  Think about the possibilities!

Holidays with your best friends, awesome.  Who doesn't want that!?  And if they are your friends, the kids will more than likely to grow up somewhat normal.  So I don't have to worry about my daughter dating a jerk.  Also awesome.

Another thing that people keep doing, basically the bane of my existence at the moment, "You know what's a good name Jeff?!  MINE!  NAME YOUR KID AFTER ME OR FOREVER REGRET IT!"

I get it, you like your name, or your middle name, or want so and so named after so and so.  That's cool, go make your own kid.  Breaking news, we picked a name.  It's done.  And any future kid we pretty much got it figured out.  So maybe instead of asking us to name our kid after you, say congrats and let's talk about Sam Bradford going to the Vikes or any other current event of your choosing.

I have also noticed how much more I...well it's not judging, but it is.  I judge parents more now I think?  I will see them in public and think I would do something a different way.  So basically I am already becoming what most parents think they are, which is a know it all.  Kid's not even out yet, so it will give me time to not be as judgy, but I'm kind of a judgy person anyway so...GOOD LUCK TO ME!



I gotta start doing some preparation on how to raise a girl.  I gotta figure out how to do a ponytail.  I gotta get my tea party etiquette prepared.  I definitely gotta figure out which Powerpuff Girl is which, but I think I like Bubbles the most?

Not becoming over protective, that is extremely important, but I have a daughter so of course that means I gotta buy a gun, right?  Is that the big joke?  Or do people actually do that?  I have a friend, he lives in northern South Dakota, I can definitely see him pulling a gun out on a prospective date of his kid.  That's not something I'll do, but I get the joke, I just hope I raise her well enough to not pick someone that majorly sucks (I can't wait to look back on this in 16-20 years).  I can read people like a book, and as soon as she's old enough to start dating, I am just not gonna have a good time, unless it's one of my friends kid of course.

Also limiting the Facebook pictures on a kid I have talked about ad nauseum (look it up).  This was discussed with my mother in law today (you'll admit you read my blog sooner or later!)  My wife and I don't want to plaster our daughter all over Facebook.  Or Twitter.  Or Instagram.  Or even Friendster.
Putting a picture up every so is cool.  Important events are fine, occasional "look at my cute kid!" posts are alright.  But every day is nuts to me (no offense to those of you who do, if that's your thing, do it, like Sheryl Crow said, "If it makes you happy."...).  Or putting up pics of your kid to get internet points, just not gonna be my thing.  Also you never know how some people really are, know what I mean?  A few years ago Jared was just some guy who lost weight eating Subway.  Michael Jackson was just some guy who made the best pop album of all time.  Then when the kid is old enough to decide what goes up, she can do it, just please, please, please, do not become an Instagram girl.

Kids toys these days are freaking awesome btw.  B t dubs.  By the way.  The technology now is so insane that a toy phone is more realistic than the Kyocera phone I had when I first purchased my cell phone.



I'm not gonna lie, I will probably play with the toys first to make sure they work, gotta stay young at heart.

I am looking forward to watching football games with my daughter.  I love sports.  I like the University of Michigan, my wife likes Nebraska, it's cool if she likes either, that's fine.  My wife and I both LOVE the 49'ers, if she ever dates a guy who likes another team and switches allegiances I am already upset!

Also, due to my friend Aaron being here last week, we have figured out each route she could use to sneak out of my house.  This isn't my first rodeo, and I cannot wait to make that known.  Also I have a good memory (well, if Kyle and Travis are reading this, maybe it's starting to go to crap), so I know where all my liquor is and how much of it I have at any given time.  Try me future daughter....

Kids are expensive....already!  There are so many things to buy with a kid on the way.  Tonight we looked at what the kid will wear on the first day she is born, that's like...a thing.  Daily things that we have looked at to purchase for a kid that won't remember wearing it.  So crazy!  Luckily my sister in law (I will not take the time to put the - in between anything in law, people came to this blog for entertainment, not a grammar lesson!) gave us a literal car full of stuff to take home.

I respect those who had a mistake kid (like me) and made do with what they could without the assistance of being filmed by MTV.  Props to any single mom or dad out there who made it work with what you had (good job mom). Zero props to any parent who ran away from the responsibility of helping a child grow. (F you dad).  Or dads that would rather go fishing then get a job and go to work to raise your family.

With all of this being said, it is the most exciting, crazy, awesome thing ever.  She is now kicking, which is crazy, and hilarious to me because she probably keeps my wife up at night while I'm snoring away.  And my wife is going to be such a great mom, she is just going to be amazing, and I think I can be an above average dad.  This is going to be fun, stressful and a hell of a ride.  See you soon kid, I can't wait.

Jeff Kleeman