I'm Apparent

One month in on being a parent and here we are.  If our life was a movie (the rights still are up for grabs producer Jeff Kleeman in Hollywood!), this would be the part where halfway through we're at the "WHY WON'T SHE STOP CRYING!" part and then a montage of us trying to make her stop to an amazing song, probably this one by Hall and Oates:

Kids...they love to cry.  They also like to be incredibly adorable.  Zoe is awesome.  So since we're at over a month (holy crap), I'm going to do some random observations before my next blog which has to be about how horrible Trump has been, right!?  Or maybe a comical list of who will be a better president in 2020...yup, that's definitely my next blog.  But until then....

MORE RANDOM THINGS I HAVE NOTICED AS A PARENT!

- it now takes over 4 days to watch a complete movie.  No matter the length, I just watched Other People (decent flick, sad surprisingly) and it took me a week.  I can't imagine how long a 3 hour movie would take.  Til 2020?!

- let's get to what we're all thinking: poop.  Poop gets everywhere.  I think by the end of the day, I approximately have 1,000,000 flecks of poop dust all over me.  No joke.

- I believe I spoke about this in the last blog (parent brain, it's real), but my kid could be at a Metallica concert and be passed the f out.  But if I even have a drink of water from across the room, she is going to wake up with GREAT VENGEANCE AND FURIOUS ANGER!



- I hate people wanting to hold my kid, especially people I've never met.  It's not so much you...but it's you.  You may have a cold, or not washed your hands, or not gotten your flu shot.

Our whole family was together last week, and as she was being passed around I just kept thinking, please I hope you washed your hands.  Then people I've never met, or haven't seen in years, or people when I was out and about in town, I definitely was hesitant about.  This might sound dickish, but I guarantee you all thought this if you had a newborn.  And nobody wants a sick kid, she already cries enough as is....

- speaking of my family, I found out you guys all read this!?  Hey everybody!  Hope you all don't mind the cuss words, 49'ers rants (great head coach hire!) and random thoughts.  And hi Ethan!  Milo says hi and wants you to write him.



- playing video games is done, for like a long time right?  I luckily don't play any online games, due to all of them making me motion sick.  But I love me sports games, and I love my collection of NES games even more.

The sports games I have to pause about as much as I would while watching a movie.  The NES has something called cords (it wasn't always wireless people under 23...random age I selected).  So I now have a collection of 70 something games that I can't play until Trump is out of office in 2020 (next weeks blog!  How's that for promotion!?).

- earlier I alluded to how long it takes to finish a movie, but on the flip side of that, wow my DVR and Netflix queue is cleaning up!  I'm caught up on everything where I can even start a new show.

So, a little interaction here, I'm about to start 1 of 3 shows with my wife, feel free to text, message or post on this blog or FB site your vote (just don't do it by telegraph, I need to brush up):

- Brooklyn Nine Nine
- Veep
- Santa Clarita Diet

- also since we're all caught up on the queue, shows to watch ya'll!!!

- Luke Cage
- The Crown
- Stranger Things
- Mr. Robot

That's just 4, we've seen....more than that.

- and finally, what did people do before Facebook and the internet with pictures of their kids!?
If you would like a photo, I can text one, or maybe even get one printed out and send it if we're close enough.

We don't need to document her every waking minute and put it online (if you do this, it's completely fine, you do you.  Everyone has a different opinion on this, this is ours).  We take pictures just for us, not someone I went to high school with and haven't spoken with in 18 years (wow I'm old).  So relax, because once she gets Facebook in high school, I'm sure she will share more than enough.

That's it for this week!  I'm really looking forward to next weeks blog, you know, the one where I come up with candidates to replace this Trump mess.

Until next time....

Jeff Kleeman

Thoughts on Parenthood

It's been 19 days since our lives changed with the addition of our beautiful daughter Zoe.  It's also been 19 days of hilarious thoughts that have come in to my head since her arrival in to this world.

I wouldn't trade this experience for the world, but maybe I would've slept a little more beforehand?Regardless, here are some random thoughts on parenthood.  Enjoy.

- no matter where the burp rag goes, she will literally puke milk anywhere else but that damn burp rag.  I am currently typing this with burp juice all over me.

- poop isn't as big of a deal as I thought it would be...speaking of which...

- products for washing your clothes have come a long way!  It's so impressive that you would have no idea that 3 outfits she's about to wear she crapped all over.  The future is now!



- headphones for the "I'm upset cry" may be needed.  My hearing is bad enough, but the decibels that she puts out when she's pissed could double as a tornado alarm.

- the amount of people who flock to a newborn baby are crazy...okay, let's rephrase.  The amount of women who flock to a newborn baby are crazy.  Single friends of mine, feel free to babysit for an hour or two, but you have to pay me per date you get, let's start at $50.

- if you're kid is asleep on you, you can't move, you can't talk, you can't even blink.  She will be waking up...

- on the flip-side of that, if you are in a public place where it's loud as hell, she won't wake up.  What kind of cruel joke is this!?  She is now 4 for 4 on us eating at a restaurant.

- sleeping sucks, but I expected part of it, with the crying and feeding and changing of diapers.  I didn't expect to wake up when I hear zero noise.  Oh, I just put my child to sleep thirty seconds ago and she's not making a noise?  Well shit, I better go see if she's alive.  Then repeat process about 2-15 more times throughout the night.



- my baby farts louder than I do.  She is going to kill me for putting this fact up in about 12-14 years.

- I elaborated on this last week, but having a kid has really upped the re-watching of movies I haven't seen in years, or seen at all.  It's 1 AM, am I going to watch No Strings Attached?  Sure Natalie Portman is delightful!  The Blind Side?  I guess.  Twilight?  Okay, I won't even succumb to that garbage.

- I have now been peed on more times in my life (2-3 times I thought?) than I ever thought...I think I discussed that in my last blog, but I don't remember because....

- parent brain is real.  I wrote a blog I think a week ago?  But it feels like 8 weeks.  What day is it?  No clue.  If ESPN didn't constantly hype the Super Bowl, I would probably forget about it this Sunday (go Falcons).  Or even know what month it is.  I am in living fear of the day daylight savings time happens.

I'm not used to this since I'm always prepared and have everything scheduled.  I feel it'll start to normalize soon, but until it does, I better get going, I have Christmas presents to buy (is it Christmas?!).

Thanks for reading,

Jeff Kleeman

Fatherhood

I have now been a father for over a week.  Let me repeat that again if that first sentence didn't seem believable.  I have now been a father...FOR OVER A WEEK!

It's awesome.  It's one of the craziest/amazing/awesome experiences of my life.  So the following are going to be things I have learned from the past week.  Maybe a story thrown in here and there.  So enjoy the read!

* Disclosure, plan to not share my daughters photo on this blog, and sparingly on Facebook is working great.  So no photos on here for a long time, sorry baby picture enthusiasts.  And Facebook friends, she will be put up sparingly as planned, which with our experience was probably the reason our kids photo got a large amount of likes.  Less is more.

So let's start with the actual process of the birth.  To you fellow novices out there, it's not like the movies.

Oh man, it is not.  When you initially think about the day of the pregnancy, you think you'll be dodging heavy traffic, while she's yelling at you in the passenger seat, making it to the hospital just in time to meet nurses, waiting at the door.  Then the kid comes out 20 minutes later.  The end.

Ha, it doesn't happen that way, besides the wife yelling at your driving part.  It was a process for sure, that's for sure.  And ladies, not that I didn't respect you before (except the Kardashian's, no respect for them, except you Kylie), but wow, you are tough.  My wife birthed a 9 pound 11 ounce kid.  I'm typing this now, crying because I have to poop really, really bad.  That's impressive.

Not only that, an epidural seems like a torture that James Bond would have to endure.  I'd rather take take a laser to the nuts, or sharks with laser beams on their head, rather than experience the pain my wife went through with that.

The actual birth was memorable.  It started on 1-11 in room 111, and we hit 11:11 PM...and it kept going.

She was born at 12:13 AM on 1-12.  So if you like the classics Peaches & Cream and It's Over Now by 112, it's an easy birthday to remember (I'm such a fanboy)!



I was in the room for the process, the only thing I will share, because it's personal, is that seeing the child peek out of there is the most out of body experience ever.  Seeing a human being you've been talking to through a belly for months, peeking out, about to actually come in the world, it's life changing for sure.  I'd be tearing up right now, but again, I really have to poop.

The funny things I did notice that I will share, are the following:

- pregnant women have no shame.
- the push to get the child out is exactly like the movies, swearing and all
- we had a rock star doctor, who I don't know how she focused on the distractions of one too many people in the room, but she did it.  Hats off.
- we had music playing in the background, thought it'd be cool if she came out to an awesome song, "Best Day of My Life" as an example, but I think she came in to Mumford & Sons, she's such a music snob already.
- That first night I don't think I slept?  I think?  Unless I did.  Actually the next 3 days I didn't much, not complaining, just letting you know, if I have any spelling errors, I'm quite sleep deprived.  I had about 6 1/2 hours of sleep those first three nights, my wife even less.

So those were some observations from that night/day.  Here are some from the following days.

- breast feeding in theory looks easy, again I blame the movies and TV.  You don't just whip it out and they start eating right away, more of a process to it.  So if you happen upon this and get discouraged, it's fine, it happens to all.  Did I know that before?  No.  That's why there should be a Schempp Expose or a Reasoner Roundup or a Coley Calling All Friends (my friends who had kids before me who clearly could've written a weekly humorous blog...you're welcome for the cool names if you ever decide to write one fellas).

- I can now spot nipple cream containers from across the room...just thought I'd share that info.
- you can buy any amount of things that may work to help your child sleep, we got a bassinet that's the bomb...in theory.  But does she like that?  Nah, she likes a hand me down rocker-type thing the most.  It vibrates!

- women love newborn babies, I knew this before, but not to this extent.  If I take my daughter anywhere, she will be smothered by people.  Which is awesome, no complaints, I just hope they washed their hands.

* unrelated, but I bet if my male friends that are single babysat my kid, they could take her to a park or something and INSTANTLY get attention from single women.  I may have to charge them for this magical idea.

- poop comes out of your clothes, milk vomit doesn't....at first.

- black poop is a thing.  Surprisingly poop doesn't gross me out as much as I thought it was going to, but according to my friends, it's that 2 1/2 year old poop you gotta watch out for.

- 3 AM TV isn't too bad, tons of infomercials, SportsCenter and music videos are actually played on MTV.

- you can still do what you did before, just pick your time.  I like video games still, and crushing our Netflix queue.  Exercising sucks, but I like to do it, it's still all possible.  So don't think your life is over.  And yes, you can still go on trips...according to my friends, that idea I will definitely write about when we try that this summer (Chicago!).

- you will find people give unwanted parenting advice, for the good info, take it, lock it up, and keep it.  For the dumb stuff, smile and nod and listen to It's Over Now by 112 in your head, then forget it ever happened.

- your phone will blow up the day you announce.  People you haven't heard from in years, asking how the kid is, maybe shocked you procreated.  The coolest part of the messages we received, people seemingly liked the name of our child (that's the best humble brag of all, because I love the name Zoe).

- my friends in the past year (except Matt) have seemingly only had boys.  You know what that means?  Get in line boys, because they can date our daughter in the future, and we can have shared holiday's and life will be awesome.  Ha, or she'll make her own decisions, probably date at least one guy I dislike until meeting someone awesome...please don't grow up too fast Zoe!

- And finally, I said it earlier, but my wife is a rock star.  The common misconception, when the birth is done, basically all the hard work is done, minus some sleep here and there.  Nah, there's more than that.  There's a lot to it, especially if you want to be a good, involved parent.  But put in the work, because it's the greatest thing I've ever accomplished, that and meeting and marrying my wife, the rock star who seemingly feeds all day, who pushed a child out of her body that weighs approximately the same as a sack of potatoes.  She's amazing, they are both amazing.  I'm a lucky guy.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff Kleeman

Goals

It's 2017, which means a few things.  1.  You have decided that this year you are going to be a new you!  Yeah!!!!



2.  You, 9 days in, have already failed and reverted back to your bad habits.  It's okay!  You are still an awesome person.  And for you, yes YOU, reading this that has kept up on your New Year's resolution, well, the following gif is for you:



What'd you expect?  A douchy gif, showing how upset I am with your accomplishments?  No, that's not me, you do you.

I luckily didn't make any New Year's Resolutions, instead, I'm making a list of things to work on or do better at this year.  Maybe the first thing, and most of you should follow suit since...well because I'm right about this one, stop being so cynical about everything.

Oh, I know it's hard to do, especially with the climate of everything now.  People on both sides being god awful or obnoxious in their beliefs, or posts.  But just try.  Maybe get off the Facebook or Twitter, because it's getting you riled up.  Turn off the news, go for a jog (resolution for some) and relax.
Good will always...trump evil (see what I did there?), so it'll all be better shortly, sometimes things have to get crappy before they get better.  Crap, maybe I better attempt to stop pushing my beliefs at you, that's thing to work on number 1!

So let's get this party started huh?  The following are things that I, Jeff Kleeman, will work at learning/improving/doing for the year 2017.

1. Read above.  But I feel the work I put in to this blog in 2016 wasn't as great as 2014/15.  I can blame moving, a new job, leaving that job that turned in to crap, us expecting a child...I can use any excuse, but I just wasn't feeling it.  You can blame me.

I was getting too upset at idiots I saw posting on Facebook and wanted to write the perfect blog or take down, then would get writer's block when I tried, or had to delete it because it was too nasty.

My opinion isn't going to change how these people think, just like theirs is definitely not going to change the way I do.  So back to the basics of the blog: fun thoughts, 49'ers, pro wrestling, less NES blogs, and in perhaps as little as two days, a lot of thoughts on parenting.

2. Speaking of which, I must keep improving this blog.  I found I hated writing it when I was forcing certain subjects or writing it just to keep consistent with my posts.  Garbage.  This blog is certainly therapeutic, and judging by my numbers, you must like reading it for whatever reason, so I'll make sure not one blog sucks this year.

3. The most important one by far.  I'm going to do everything I can to be an amazing dad.  All I have to do is show up on day one and I'll be a better father than my dad within 1 second of my child's life.

Also, and no offense to those who do, I'm not going to post pictures of my kid just to get internet points.  Or attention.  Special pictures can go up, so friends or family who live far away can see some stuff.  But the thing that annoys me about it, the kids can't even talk yet, and people they don't know can track their every move.  It's weird.  And if you have a lot of Facebook friends, you don't legit know EVERYBODY, some people from college you knew could turn out to be pretty damn creepy in the future, it's been 10 years, a lot can change (I thought Hoobastank was here to last!).

Go on Facebook, right now, I dare you to not find one within one tiny scroll.  It's scary.  One of my best friends sent a photo of his newborn, I like that.  You can even send a text with a picture.  Not every single little thing needs to be documented on social media.  Not everything is worth sharing.

4. Speaking of sharing.  I will continue to make my Facebook experience as enjoyable as possible.

Full disclosure, any political garbage you share, unfollowed, fake news, unfollowed, posting pure garbage, unfollowed.  A repost with that damn old lady who isn't funny, unfollowed.



My Facebook feed is so clean, I'm legit shocked when I scroll through it and some garbage gets in there on how the decrease of nuclear families is making American's less patriotic (who, by the way, was posted by someone who was known for less than PG stunts in college on a consistent basis).

The next step may be unfriending the people, since I've documented how freaking hard it is to quit Facebook.

5.  I gotta read more books.  The time I spend scrolling through imgur and Twitter can be better suited to reading a book.  I've probably read the same "dump" (a dump is a bunch of photos all on one page, shared at once) 3 or 4 times now.  I can probably stand to learn something new.

So 5 seems like a good amount to stop at where I elaborate on what I change.  I think the rest of the way a quick "rapid fire" of all the things to improve on for 2017:

6. Finally start Weeds and Dexter (I've waited since 2011 and have no shows left, hooray!  I am truly somebody!)

7. Keep being a huge fan of the 49'ers, even though they suck, the Michigan Wolverines, even though they are now somehow more hated than Alabama/Nebraska/Ohio St/USC/Notre Dame, and root for the Cubs (I've written a blog about my change from the Mariners to Chicago, I love baseball as a sport to watch, even more so than football, I just really stopped caring about Seattle, plus I hate the Seahawks, so making the change to my NL team was easy), even though the ultimate irony is how much they will be hated now that they are really good.  Also go Bruins?

8. Keep listening to music, new and old, discovering new things.  It's always important, especially with a kid, to expose her to good music.  Limp Bizkit nursery rhymes mixed with Mary Had a Little Lamb.  Sure.

9. Keep exercising and eating right.  So, I just started this eating right thing, with mixed results.  I've never had to diet before, and wow, it's hard.  You can't just eat a slice of pizza for a snack, then have dinner, then ice cream, then a soda.  Also, do you know how many calories are in a soda!?  Jesus.

Losing about 15 pounds is my goal, and it's definitely attainable with eating healthy, doing my workouts, oh and I just got DDP Yoga, and so far, it's really awesome.

10.  I will defeat The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past.  It's time to get that monkey from 1994 off of my back.

11.  Start saving for Wrestlemania next year.  Heather, Baby Kleeman, Brad, let's do this.

12.  Going on trips, life is too short.  We'll have a kid with us, but 2-3 trips a year is still doable.  And think of the internet points I can get, I mean, photos I can take!

Well I'm gonna end here, I have a few more goals, but I won't share them here.  2017 is going to be great, there will always be some bumps in the road, but just stay positive.  All you have to do is stop arguing with people on the internet and your year will improve already.

If you have any ideas on how to improve yourself, hell, even others, feel free to respond on this or my FB page.

Thanks for reading.

Jeff Kleeman

2016: The Year That's Not That Bad

Yeah, you read the name of this blog right, 2016, was NOT THAT BAD!  Sure we have an idiot president elect, but half of you thought we did from 2001-2009 and we seem to be alright (barring any weird Russian friendship we seem to be developing).  And half the people reading this think we have an idiot president now (I think you're wrong, but you won't admit it because he's not on your team or that he's....not the same as you...he was also born in this country so enough with that crap).

2016 will also be known as the year of celebrity deaths...but that will also be 2017, and 2018, and 2019, and so on, and so on, and so on.  Not to sound like a jerk, but there are so many celebrities, especially older ones, that it's bound to start coming in droves.

Another thing that bugged me about celeb deaths this year, all the posts!  I'll admit, I posted about Prince, because I LEGIT LISTENED TO PRINCE!  I noticed people posting who probably could name 1999 and When Doves Cry and that's it.  I saw people posting on David Bowie who I don't think even heard any of his songs.  Hell, I love music and I can only name you four Bowie songs (and shockingly, I like the Wallflowers cover more of Heroes more than his...judge, I don't care).

So many people were posting about these deaths to get attention and internet points, it was insane.  I mean, I liked Muhammad Ali as much as anyone but come on, if you're my age you didn't need to post anything, you never once saw him box.  You might have liked his appearance in Wrestlemania I, maybe?!



Enough on that tangent, let's get in to the meat and potatoes of this article.  2016...not being that bad.  A lot of good has happened in 2016 that you may have missed.  I'm going to post my personal list of why 2016 wasn't so bad.  Enjoy.

- Are you reading this?  Well you're alive!  Hooray!  That means you can still do more than complain about how bad 2016 was on the internet.  You can go outside and complain about 2016.  Or go on an adventure.  Life isn't that bad, so stop pretending that it is.  You're freaking ALIVE!

- Have you been to Burger King?  Because if you haven't it's the golden age of Burger King food.
One in particular stands out:



What a time to be alive!  Your generation may have had the moon landing, but we got Mac N Cheetos, so yeah...we win.  Add in their great work with breakfast and it's a surprise I'm not sponsored by Burger King (pleeeease, pay me a free Whopper Jr. a month guys!).

- On a personal note, even more personal than Mac N Cheetos, my wife and I bought a house this year.  And I'm sure you've done something just as cool.  Celebrate your own accomplishments this year, be positive.  We got a house I never thought I'd live in.  It's awesome, it's new, it's great.

- I grew a beard this year.  It was incredible.  It was so good, I can only count on two fingers how many people hated it.  I also have a crazy dog, but I like my crazy dog.  So here is a picture of both, conveniently in my awesome house I love:



- Let's keep this going.  My wife and I are having a kid.  This is the most important thing I've ever accomplished.  Even bigger than when I beat Super Mario RPG:



I cannot wait to become a father, considering I never had one.  I can't wait to actually be there for my kid and everything she does.  It's a great year to create a child.

- Also the majority of my friends have had kids this year, which is phenomenal.  I can count about 12 new kids names that I already can't remember (I'm bad with names)  And that happened in "the worst year ever".  No, it happened in a year like every single one...other than 2001, that year sucked.

- More personal notes, I got to see my cousin Baltimore, seeing Philadelphia, Washington D.C. and the first state in the union, Deleware!  Got to go to Wichita with my wife for a fun wedding.  Was in one of my best friends weddings in Sioux Falls.  Got to go on my first cruise in the Gulf of Mexico and see Cozumel and Progreso.  Minneapolis to see basically every store in the Mall of America.  I also received a 49'ers luchador mask...finally (the only good thing 49'ers related to happen to me in 2016)!



- I moved back to my hometown of Vermillion which isn't all that bad.  It's quiet.  I get to see my friends and some family more consistently and I can legit go to Wal-Mart and not think I'll be shanked.

- I also was lucky enough to leave a job I despised, oddly in a position I sadly was perfect for at my alma mater. Trust me, working there was far worse than anything I've ever had to endure and leaving a boss who was truly awful made me appreciate the places I had worked before .  Not many people are lucky enough to get to leave a place that makes them unhappy, I'm grateful for that.

- Let's get to sports!  2016, you brought us a Chicago Cubs World Series.  Can you believe that!?  The freaking Chicago Cubs won a World Series, handing over the longest sports drought to the Arizona Cardinals.  Amazing.

- Peyton Manning won a Super Bowl to finish his career, I'm okay with that, even though Broncos fans are a bit much sometimes.

- 2016 also brought the Cleveland Cavaliers their first championship.  Hell Cleveland in general had a good sports year.  The Cavs won the NBA Championship.  The Cleveland Indians made the World Series and will probably win one in the next few years.  And the Cleveland Browns are going to be god awful, but they may be so bad, that in about 3-4 years, if done right, they will finally be good.

- The Houston Rockets no longer wear these!



I mean, it's been a while, but at least they don't wear them, yuck.  Worst jersey ever.  (Oooh, another blog idea!).

- AJ Styles debuted!  If you don't know what that means then that's okay!  He rules.



- Leo DiCaprio, the most "unlucky" guy in the world finally won his Oscar (oddly for the worst movie he was nominated for....Wolf of Wall Street is phenomenal).  So that happened!

- Here is a PBS link with even more good things that happened, that I'm too lazy to write about:
Good Things to Happen.

Hey you're back from that link!  That was some good stuff!  Grad rates better, less teen birth no matter how hard Teen Mom tries.  Yay!

- Now if you've been here, you know I hate the Kardashian's, but I love Kylie Jenner, and she's done some amazing work this year!  Such as:



Kleeman/Jenner 2032.  Will she be old enough to be my vice president by then!?  WHO CARES!?

- Music has been great this year, touched on in an earlier blog which can be found here:

Best Music of 2016

These are just a few of the things I found great about 2016, did you have anything good happen?

Feel free to share, or call me an idiot for trying to show you that this year wasn't all that bad!  Next year will be even better with the arrival of my daughter (two weeks!).  Two of my good friends I grew up with are getting married next year.  More trips in store.  More things will happen good and bad.  But remember, without the bitter, the sweet just ain't as sweet.  So calm down, be happy, appreciate what you got, and keep reading my blog (I like the numbers!).

Thanks for reading.  See you next year, which is Sunday.

Jeff Kleeman

NES Review From Z - A: Part IV: Super Mario!

It has now been a week since I was going to write this blog.  Why have I taken so long?  Mario.  That and, well, life.  Kids coming, holidays are here, Shameless binge watch complete, time to get to that review of the best gaming series in history (sorry Ratchet and Clank!).

SUPER MARIO BROS!



I usually review a lot more games than just three, but these three games are so iconic, I decided to cover this because without Mario, I probably wouldn't be writing a blog that 104 people read (thanks guys!).

So I've had Mario in my life as long as I can remember.  I grew up playing Super Mario Bros. 1-3 on the original NES.  I begged my mom to get me a Super Nintendo (SNES), just so I could play Super Mario World.  In between that, Mario taught me how to drive horribly in Mario Kart.  At the tail end of the SNES, I rented my favorite game, Super Mario RPG so many times, the jerk kid at the video store told me I should just buy it.  Then that let to Super Smash Bros and even more Mario Kart in college.  I love Mario.

Now with the release of Super Mario Run on the iPhone, I've gotten in the bad habit of playing it...a lot.  I haven't splurged yet on the other levels, but you want some tips on levels 1-3, you got it, just text me.

*message to Nintendo, don't release a game for 9.99 just to have it so you can only play 3 levels.  I get the money grab aspect of this.  How about starting off with 4-8 levels, then making us pay? 

Long story short, I love Super Mario, and occasionally Luigi...oh and definitely Peach.



So with this review, I will be covering 1-3.  Not the original Mario Bros. game, which in it's own right is fun, but it's just, well, it's a whole lot of jumping, but worth adding to your collection.



So let's start, backwards as usual, with arguably the best game released on the Nintendo Entertainment System.

Super Mario Bros. 3

This game is so good it even came with it's own Fred Savage starring commercial...um....I mean movie.

*Nintendo, to appease for your mistakes of Super Mario Run, please come out with a sequel to The Wizard, title it "The Wizard: Lucas's Revenge" with complete original cast.  Please and thanks.



Back to the game.  It's pretty amazing.  Easily a top all time game, let alone all time top NES game.

The game is so in-depth, there are hidden parts of levels all over the place.  Hell, it was the first time I ever used a strategy guide as a kid, just to see what else I was missing (basically everything).  It also turned me on to the fun of gambling and guessing cards, great job NES!

The game still holds up today, it's fun as hell, and on my replay, even though I didn't want to, I warped, just to try to beat it in record time.

Did I beat it on my replay?  No, but only because I was in a hurry to get this article done...a week ago...the same article that I am just now writing.  So I'll try to beat the game before my kid is born... maybe.

For your collection, this, and spoiler alert, every game in this blog review are must own.

Super Mario Bros 2.

This is one of the most underrated games ever made.  Mario 2 started out as a game without Mario at all.

Originally called Yume Kojo, Mario was integrated in to this game after people found the original sequel to Super Mario too difficult (which if you had/have an SNES, you can play the difficult levels on Super Mario All-Stars).

The fun part about this game, you get to play as 4 playable characters: Mario, Luigi, Toad and Peach.
Each character had their own strengths, and it also led to my intense hate of anything Luigi related, simply because it's so damn hard to play with his feet always wiggling around.



It also was the first time you got to take on Birdo, quite possibly the first trans videogame character.
This was a game truly ahead of its time.



Also this is one of the few Mario games where Bowser isn't the main enemy, it's a villain named Wart.



Which naming him Wart seemingly follows the trend of naming NES characters after deformities, looking at you Battletoads characters!



* Nintendo, can someone, anyone, get a Battletoads remake in motion?!  ANYBODY!?

Super Mario 2 is great, another must own.  That now leads us to the game that started it all.

Super Mario Bros.

I have the classic Mario Bros/Duck Hunt double cartridge.  (I won't talk much of Duck Hunt, we all know Duck Hunt is great, but I can't play it as my NES gun doesn't reflect off of these new fangled TV's.... so my review of Duck Hunt, it's really fun...for 10 minutes...there).

I have played Super Mario so much, I can beat the first level with my eyes closed (thanks college, and to one of my best chums Eric "Ras" Rasmussen for that idea).  We played Mario so much we came up with our own challenges.  Playing the first level without powering up while intoxicated (tasks, tasks, all these tasks!), we also tried to speed beat it, trying to emulate this:

Incredible.  Even more incredible that it still holds up today.  When I replayed this, I decided to go through some levels, and really take my time to enjoy how fun it was, even taking the time to find this coin box on my first try:

Still got it.  I would've done the middle finger trick, but I didn't do it that day, sorry.

I didn't defeat this quite as quick as the speedy guy, but I did still defeat it.  It's one of those games you put in if you want to feel dominant in this age of insanely hard and insanely time consuming video games.  It's great.  It's probably why Mario Run is comparable to this game, for the simplicity of it.

So yes, you have an NES collection, you obviously own these.  Now a couple of fun observations about the Mario series, in no particular order.

- clearly the first issue, is it Mario Mario and Luigi Mario?  The Mario Bros?  Or is Mario the man with no name.  Or is there some Fight Club thing going on with Luigi?
- how does Peach always get kidnapped?  She seems like she can hold her own, just judging from Smash Bros.  So maybe in a sequel it'll be revealed she's in to these kinda things?  Likes being captured.  Maybe she's in to Bowser...speaking of which.
- I have somehow made it this entire blog without talking about the main villain of the Mario series, but why does he keep going after Mario?  Isn't he just gonna give up after the 6th or 7th time of losing?  Also, Mario has literally murdered all of Bower's kids...so who is the real hero, huh!?
- Do you think Luigi has a complex?  Mario gets all the attention, he gets Peach.  No wonder there's a rumor about the game Luigi's Mansion where he killed himself.  Poor guy.



- This thought is for later games, but I gotta touch on Yoshi here.  Is Yoshi a species?  It's not one particular pet or dinosaur or whatever the hell Yoshi is, main reason for that?  This video about sums it up:

Well that's all you're gonna get out of me today for Mario related things, I've already been away from Super Mario Run for much too long.  I hope you enjoyed this blog as much as I had writing it.

Next week will have a recap of the year 2016, and why it wasn't so bad.  I mean, there's gotta be some reasons right!?  Right!?!?!

Thanks for reading as always you beautiful people.

Jeff Kleeman

Best Songs of 2016 - Top 5

2016 will go down as one of the most...interesting years in quite sometime.  I think that's safe to say right!?  So while I round up some facts for my next blog (coming in a few days, I swear!) about why 2016 wasn't completely horrible, I got a message from my buddy Ras last night.  This is Ras!

Ras: Top songs of 2016?
Jeff: Blog idea?
Ras: Of sorts.

And then it begun.  Compiling the top 5 songs we each liked in 2016.  It was a very tough list, for multiple reasons.  We are both avid music loves, Ras more so than me.  In the past year we have discovered hundreds of songs, but most didn't even come out in 2016.  Also, there is a lot of really good music!  A ton.  So it was hard to whittle it down.  But we did it.

So why wait any longer, let's get started, first up, is Ras's list.

5.  Blacklite District - We Are the Danger

4.  Bleeker - Highway

3.  Thrice - Black Honey

2.  Red Sun Rising - Emotionless

1.  Highly Suspect - My Name Is Human

That list is fantastic.  I'll admit, my favorite out of those 5 is Bleeker, but you should give all of them a listen, great songs all around.  Ras, thank you as always, here are some words to live by, by Ras himself.

My top 5?  Well....

5.  M83 - Go!

4.  Rae Sremmurd - Black Beatles

3.  Anderson .Paak - Am I Wrong?

2.  Miike Snow - Genghis Khan

1.  The Weeknd Ft. Daft Punk - Star Boy

And there you have it!  Feel free to add your own here if you wish.  By the end of the week, as previously stated, there will be a "Why 2016 wasn't so bad" article, and if you're lucky, you may even get the newest NES one by tomorrow morning with the release of Super Mario Run!

As always, thank you for reading.

Jeff Kleeman

PS With Alan Thicke passing yesterday, listen to this timeless song!