Space Jam

 

It's been since December of 2023 since I've written a blog, what's happened in the year and a half between in the world!?  Anything!?  I thought I would change it up a little, there's only so much blogging you can do about how you disagree with how stupid people are, so I'm going to watch movies and review them, writing down what I think as it happens.  Today, we're doing the 1996 classic, Space Jam.  

We're starting off hot!  With the "unproblematic" R. Kelly playing in the background right off the bat while the also... "unproblematic" James Jordan is rebounding shots for his son, young Michael Jordan.  I'm legit currently reading "Michael Jordan: The Life", I chose an awful time to see anything that has to do with his dad.  

My daughter asked me why are the opening credits just Michael Jordan highlights...honestly, I could watch just Michael Jordan highlights for an hour and twenty minutes.  That'd be no issue for me.  That's already one hour and ten minutes longer than LeBron's longest highlight reel (warning: I like LeBron, he has the best CAREER of any NBA player ever...but there will be many LeBron jokes in this). 

Bugs Bunny gets top billing in this movie which has always been hilarious to me.  Did his agent want equal billing with Michael or what?  Did David Falk (MJ's agent) just let this slide!?  

The Space Jam song by the Quad City DJ's is a legitimate bop and it's better than their only hit, The Train...I said it.  The Space Jam soundtrack is a legit 5/5 perfect soundtrack, it has it all!  A collection of rapper's rapping about Hitting Them High, then Hitting Them Low.  It has Seal covering Steve Miller.  It has a Basketball Jones cover where Chris Rock, Chris Rock's it.  It has a song Believing You Can Fly by a cult leader AND it has a song called Buggin' written by Jay-Z but rapped by Bugs Bunny.  Google that last sentence...I'll wait.  

Okay you're back!  Yeah, Jay-Z wrote a Bugs Bunny rap.  Welcome to 1996!

We're now to the Shawn Bradley think piece of this movie and I'm 4 minutes in.  Why was he in over Hakeem Olajuwon or David Robinson!?  You're building the best players and you just go for the tallest Mormon you can find?  Was there too much violence in this for David Robinson or what!?  More thoughts on the lineup later, I know this because I've seen this movie more than I'd care to admit. 

Also RIP Shawn Bradley.  

Four people wrote Space Jam.  Four.  And the director, Joe Pytka didn't direct a movie for 21 more years.  WTF.  Quick thought, that director did magic here. He got a dude who can't act to carry a movie with cartoons characters and Newman.  But seriously, FOUR WRITERS!?

I also want to know the timeline this movie was written.  MJ retired in the summer of 1993, he went and played baseball in 1994...came back to the NBA spring of 1995 and this movie came out in 1996.  So if you believe that he was legit secretly suspended for gambling, did Warner Brothers and the NBA in the meantime go in to cahoots and have the screenplay mirror what was going to happen in real life to create the highest grossing basketball movie of all time?!  Go ahead...look it up, I'll wait. 

LeBron could never.

Speaking of NBA conspiracies Patrick Ewing is in this, they froze that envelope so he'd be the number 1 pick for the Knicks, so who is to say that they didn't force MJ to "retire" then come back and make the best movie of all time since The Godfather 2.  

Back to the commercial...sorry, "movie"!  It starts with MJ playing baseball, let's discuss this for a second.  The dude played an entirely different sport until his 30's, went and played baseball, AA baseball at that and still hit over .200?!  LeBron could never.  Hitting a ball any athlete will say is the hardest thing in the world and this dude went to AA against future pros and minor league veterans and still hit over .200 which most major leaguers can't do now!?!?  MJ is the goat.  LeBron could never. 

Also, he left baseball then months later dropped over 50 at MSG against the Knicks so...yeah.  Goat.

Muggsy Bogues being in this is fun, but they took the shortest and the tallest (Bradley) players in this just for the movie.  If we're being realistic about this you're taking John Stockton or Gary Payton at this point to play...point.  I'd even argue Nick Van Exel.  Again, more thoughts later.  

Also Muggsy I think is in this only because MJ was so harsh in calling him a midget it legit ruined his career, so now he gets royalties from being in Space Jam.  That's my third conspiracy theory and we're like 20 minutes in. 

A player lost all his confidence just because MJ made fun of him, let that soak in....LeBron could never.

So MJ's home in this is an unguarded family home in the only nice part of Birmingham, Alabama.  That is the least believable part of this movie...a movie that has aliens try to take over the world by playing Michael Jordan and a team of Looney Tunes in basketball and Michael's house is just not up to snuff (also that there's a single nice place in Birmingham...that is also not believable).

Also no security!?  His only security is Newman from Seinfeld...did they expect nothing bad to happen!?!?

Off topic, which child of his grew up to be caught with cocaine, I hope it wasn't Jeff!

Off topic part 2, when I was 8 I saw a basketball card with Michael Jordan's name, his middle name is Jeffrey.  That is legit why I chose him as my favorite player ever.  That and the cool Nike commercials.  I didn't know he'd be the best or tied for the best basketball player of all time when I was 8.  This story nobody believes, yet they believe that Michael Jordan and a team of Looney Tunes can beat aliens for control of the world. 

The voice of Homer Simpson and the wife of Ray from Everybody Loves Raymond being courtside in this is so random.  Was Marge Simpsons busy!?  Was Ray Barone working!?  Did these two actors randomly date!?  I got to Google this.  Just wait...

No they didn't...why is this happening?!  Couldn't they have gotten someone big at that time for a cameo?  Cindy Crawford?  Pamela Anderson?  Kato Kaelin!?

Danny Ainge has range, and I'm not just talking about his basketball shooting.  What an actor!  "COME ON MAN GET BACK ON D!!!!"

Vlade Divac and Cedric Ceballos were masking up in this movie to protect themselves from losing their health, health that was being stolen from the other NBA players...could we not have played this movie for anti-vaxxers/maskers to show why that is important?!  That might have changed a lot of minds.  Kleeman for president...if we ever get a new one ever again.

Back to the movie!  Bill Murray, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan golfing outing.  I hate golfing...legit I hate it.  But if I was to be asked to go along on that trip, I'm leaving immediately, as fast as it took MJ to get abducted by the Toons down that hole.

I looked up the almost cast in this, Chevy Chase and Michael J Fox turned down Newman's role and Gheorge Muresan who is famous for being tall and in a Snicker's commercials ALSO turned this down.  Wow.

Also, Golf Jam and Skate Jam were almost things and I have to question why they weren't!? Tiger Woods at his height in Golf Jam, MJ would've done that cameo over Space Jam 2 in a second.  Skate Jam!?  It'd be like Gleaming the Cube but with cartoons.  I'm all in on these, come on WB!!!

We all wanna bang Lola Bunny right!?  Why is this happening!?  What are these feelings and why did they make her like this!?  She has to be a hot bunny to be good at basketball!?  

Oh, if that offends you I have bad news for you, turn on the news.

Also the Space Jam website is still up, go check it out.  I'm doing a new thing with my blogs where I'm not putting in too much work, so just go to another browser and look for it.  I will no longer link things.

Okay, it's game time...before that though let's get in to the rotation for the Monstars.  Ewing, Barkley and Grandmama Larry Johnson are all fine choices.  Big front line, then you add in Bradley!?  Then Bogues is your point....not one of them has any outside shooting so they must've been expecting a bruising, low scoring game.  But this is 1996 so if I'm forming the perfect team at that time?  Let's go with Payton for point guard, Clyde Drexler for my shooting guard (could go Reggie Miller here too), small forward I neeeeeed some outside scoring so Glen Rice is there (but if it's Reggie we're putting in Scottie Pippen for defense and a future 1 on 1 for dating his wife) just for some buckets, not for Rice's defense, then we have Barkley and Ewing already so we're good there, you could argue having Karl Malone and Hakeem or Robinson...OR SHAQ but Shaq had to go make crap movies (except Blue Chips, that movie is the shit).  

Also on the billing, MJ and Bugs up top, but the true star of this is Daffy Duck.  Steals the show in every scene, has Danny Ainge range in sports and acting.  He's great.

Fun parenting hack I stole from this movie, the Bugs Bunny water legit works when my kids are playing sports.  It's all mental, they had the heart to win this game the whole time!

Bill Murray coming back for a last second assist wearing a St. Paul Saint's hat is an underrated hat choice.  He's a better number 2 than Scottie Pippen. I SAID IT!

Toon Squad wins!  Kisses everywhere, I love the rabbit ear implications that Bugs Bunny is erect, again, are we all supposed to F Lola Bunny!?

The end of the movie is maybe the most unrealistic part.  Michael Jordan would not have given the powers back, especially to Muggsy.  But he did come back to win 3 straight titles for the second time in a row...LeBron could never.  

After 1998 we will just pretend he that he never went back to sports and played for another team (the Wizards....sigh) randomly for 2 years, then buy another team and be completely god awful at running it (the Bobcats/Hornets) and he definitely never had a Hall of Fame speech that made me cringe so hard I had to stop watching and he definitely, definitely did not get a Hitler mustache at any point (brave choice, would be better suited now I guess for a Tesla ad)...we're just gonna pretend he rode off in to the sunset in 1998 and was just an ambassador for the game.  And maybe he made the Space Jam sequel that would've brought us in to the world of Space Golf and Space Skate....

I BELIEVE I CAN FLYYYYYYYY

That's it!  That's the first one of these and I actually enjoyed writing this so that's neat.  I think I'll do one of these again, if you actually read this, maybe comment what movie I do and I'll abide. Til next time...

Jeff Kleeman

December Should Be Closed

The point of this blog is right there in the title ya'll.  I don't want to work in December.  I mean, I'm Jeff Kleeman, I rarely want to work as it is anyway amiright?!  But let's get with the times, let's have an 11 month year.  Let's use December to literally do nothing but sit on a couch and catch up on TV shows.  Or work out.  Or, I guess, hang out with our families.  

Seriously, we have so little time as adults, it's insane the shit we have to do in December....skip this part if you don't have kids...I'll tell you when to resume below.  

Theme weeks are in session and it's hard to keep it straight with one kid, let alone two.  Did you know jammie day was on Monday AND on Friday but at separate schools? Then it's silly hat day.  Then it's silly socks.  Then it's silly nervous breakdown day for the parents.  I'm tired just typing that.  Add in the fact I work Monday-Friday, then add in all the kids events.  And homework.  And repeat.  Then you get the weekend, but get this, YOU DO NOT GET THE WEEKEND!

This time of the year you gotta go shopping on the weekends.  Or meet Santa...sometimes more than once.  You gotta see family that can't make it for Christmas.  You have office parties.  Friends parties.  Football...as a 49'ers fan this year it's insanely stressful, I'm glad I"m time stamping that thought on December 22nd, but having currently the best team gives me anxiety they might not win the whole thing.  And college football....I'm time stamping this as well on December 22nd, but Michigan is my team and they cheated to get where they are dammit and I need that win too!  (My condolences to my alma mater, the University of South Dakota, who got a game on national television and legit shit the damn bed, but they were #3!  What a football year for ME).

Anyway, back to non-football things.  Give us December off.  Give us the month, paid, to shop, do the kid stuff, the family stuff, all of the stuffs.  There's a few essential jobs that must be performed, so you docs, lawyers, police and retail people, you can figure something out for yourself, I got enough problems.  Speaking of which....

Let's get more phones.  I'm tired of my iPhone.  I want some options like we had back in the day.  Remember the Chocolate?  The RAZR?  The ENV3!?!?!  We literally have like 3 options for phones right now, I hate it.  It's time to update.  Bring me back to 2006...the fashion is already back to where it was, now bring me an updated version of the Nokia dammit.  

Speaking of phones...group chats need a leave chat feature.  I'm in about 8-9 different group chats...it won't stop.  I've legit thought of changing my number, or getting an additional line, just for people I want to hear from, that would save me a lot of annoyance.  But then someone would give that phone number out and I would be in 2 separate hells, 3 if you add in the 9ers anxiety, 4 if you add in how busy life is an adult.  

I also had a really fun observation about boomers that my wife told me to not write, it was too mean, it's Christmastime.  The premise essentially is how they talk down to people our age in their 30's and 40's, legit adults with jobs and kids, and act like the actual adults are still kids...it's maddening.  Also, if you want to play a fun game, go out to eat with a bunch of people over 50 and watch them try to split a bill...or figure out a tip (it's 20%...at worst, for everyone, if they crush it tip more, simple).  

Anyway, it's not like they helped cause how horrible everything is now and don't know how to not share fake links on social media and....I better quit, my wife was right.

Sick days though!  So sick days are definitely an issue now, especially with kids.  It sucks because look, I get it...people go to work sick because they want to store up their PTO in case their kids are sick or they want to have a free, non-sick day.  It sucks.  Factor in that our kids are getting us sick from the daycare we send our kids to, but then they can't stick around at the daycare because they are sick and it's just a vicious cycle.  It's the worst.  What do I propose here?  Clearly for most they may not have a chance to work from home...I mean I do, but most don't. 

Those who can, should be able to stay home and those who don't, I am so sorry, um...what do you suggest?  A daycare that has single rooms...kinda like jail, but not, where your sick kid can go in that room.  And it's loaded with toys and a TV and a bed.  Okay it's a kid jail, let's work on a fun name for it though.  Time Out Time.  Not Home, But Alone.  It's a work in progress.

Thank you all for reading.  Have a happy New Year.  It'll be 2024 so it should be great up until about August.  

Jeff

Random Thoughts Vol. 25

I had an idea for about 38 different blogs..okay I'm lying...36.  But none of them are really wow'ing me at the moment.  But I wanted to write, because I like to write...so I thought I would just put all of these ideas into one blog in an idea that I've clearly done 36 times before...okay, 34 times before.  So here we go another Random Thoughts!

Random Thoughts 31 Part 8

We're binge watching Suits right now.  How is it when this originally aired nobody gave a shit about it, but it drops on Netflix I get literally 8 different people in a span of 2 days telling me to watch this show?  It's good, it's just not Mad Men/Game of Thrones/Breaking Bad good.  It's more in that Dexter/Californiacation...any shitty show on Showtime territory of occasionally great, mostly average...and sometimes awful shows.  Anyways, go watch Suits!

Being a parent, I can see how every generation before us was like "it'll go too fast!".  It does...sort of.  It can go insanely slow sometimes, but that's when you're not doing anything.  But we have approached busy season and I swear, tomorrow will be Christmas.  We got 2 kids.  Both at the age you should have them in things, so piano, swimming, practice piano, soccer, practice soccer, soccer practice, dance, soccer and dance the same night, school function, and birthday party...oh my god the birthday parties!  So many!  We legit were invited to a birthday party where my kid didn't even know the person.  

So when someone says it goes by fast, it's only because you're busy....because when it goes by slow, parenthood is can sometimes be pure hell.  They are learning how to be humans, their emotions are insane, they get cranky and complain and it's loud, especially at birthday parties...oh my god the birthday parties!  So many!  Did I happen to tell you we were invited to a very loud one that we didn't even know the person!?  

Also if I was watching Suits while it originally was airing, I would've been extremely concerned for Megan Markle due to her not being the best actress.  Hoping she could somehow land on her feet...good for her, that's all I gotta say.  That's enough about Suits!

Boomers love milk.  We went on a trip and both sets of parents watched the kids, they did great so this isn't a diss.  But old people, besides thinking everyone is underfed LOVE MILK.  That's it, that's my thought.  Imagine me trying to stretch that idea in to one full blog, WTF was I thinking?!  But seriously, so much milk drank.  So much cereal eaten. All of our coffee creamer over a span of 4 days gone.  The "Got Milk" campaigns were clearly designed to keep us going, but as I've gotten older milk is kinda garbage.  

Also there's nobody really that rootable in Suits.  Okay, enough about Suits!  Besides Donna.  Sort of, she has her moments of sucking.  But she's rootable.  She's fine.  Louis goes in and out of being annoying because the writers seemingly don't know what to do to make a full season...I'm only on season 3 but my god we're in for a long haul.  At least we got Donna.

Getting older...I'm now 41, my body is really starting to hate me.  I get up out of bed too fast, I'm dizzy.  If I stretch something to fix something else, then another body part hurts.  My back always hurts.  I'm tired, even if I've slept.  What we need is a third day of a weekend, to really help with the sanity and to maybe rest my body.  If you couldn't get the gist of it from above, the days fly by way too fast, give us an off day, NFL players get one, why don't we?!

The thing about Donna, she's so smart and attached to Harvey, I just hope she finds happiness.  No spoiler alerts...okay, enough about Suits!  But Donna, the clock is ticking, give up on Harvey.  

This blog has been in my drafts for a month now, can you tell how scatterbrained it is?  Not one of my finest, but thank you for reading.  Maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to write another one of these before the year is over.  Topics I'm thinking of include:

- Seriously, why is Louis written so weird.  He's either pure evil or you feel bad for him.  Does this get better?  Yeah, that's a blog idea.

- By the end of this year, I'll write why I want the 49'ers to win the Super Bowl so bad and I hope to god they are in position to.  Long story short, I'm tired of getting anxiety from a team that doesn't care about me.  Same goes to you Chicago Bulls and Michigan Wolverines, but I'd love to see a Super Bowl win with my kids and my team has come SO CLOSE IN 3 OF THE PAST 4 YEARS!  I just want one.  More.

- What would I do with a million dollars?  That's a fun blog.  

- I wouldn't mind another Inner Voice blog.  My thoughts through a whole day, but by 9 AM it'd have so much profanity and half of it would be complaining about my back, so maybe not.  

Any other ideas?  Drop me a line, comment below, do a smoke signal.  

Thanks for reading.  I'm just glad I finished this blog honestly, it only took forever.

Jeff

Are You Tired!? Do I Have Some Tips For You!

 

Hey there fellow adult!  If you're reading this, it's more than likely you were born before the year 2000.  If you are reading this and you weren't, then get the fuck outta here, what are you doing?  

So I'm tired literally all the time.  Is that because I'm 40?  Because I have 2 kids?  Because I stay up late and wake up early!?  WHO KNOWS!?

What I do know is I looked up some helpful hints and tricks to never be tired again, thanks Google!  So I'm going to share them because clearly they work.  I'm going to post each one in order with my opinion after and if you have any ideas to not feel tired all the time, please let me know, because as soon as I'm not tired all the time I'll be old...older than I am now. 

Here's some tips!

Eat Often

This can't be accurate can it?  Eating will cause me to be less tired!?  Usually it makes me more tired.  Honestly, I just had dinner a few hours ago and I've been fighting sleep since.  Also what am I supposed to eat to not be tired?  I feel that was a misprint and it was supposed to say "Beat Often".  Take that joke as you will but that's gonna keep me up more than eating. 

Get Moving

Yeah clearly moving around is going to make you less tired, but when am I supposed to do that?  I work at a desk or in my car, so maybe I go park my car for a bit and do some laps around the park and get moving.  But it's summer, so then I'm going to get super sweaty.  So am I supposed to go back to work super sweaty?  Okay, sweatier than I do already because it's summer time and I have leather seats and I'm literally drenched in sweat by the time I leave my car after my 20 minute commute?

* public service announcement.  I have a sweat blanket for my car.  What's a sweat blanket you may ask?  It's a blanket I put between my back and my hot leather chair that makes it so I don't get as sweaty.  In other news until I get a car with air conditioned seats, my kids blankets are my savior on a hot summer day...and it's only JUNE!  

Lose Weight to Gain Energy

So I was going to discuss this above, but getting moving is working out.  I enjoy working out.  I legit enjoy running.  Can I find the time to do any of that?  Minus now at 9 PM at night when I should be exercising and not writing a blog about how I'm tired and should be exercising?

When am I supposed to work out by the way?  6 AM in the morning when I'm super tired?  At night when I just want to sit and watch a show or mess around on my phone?  The middle of the day when I have to return to work!?  I already have issues sweating in my car, I don't want to go to work sweating even more.  Also why is all this sweat leaving my body not a work out and helping me be less tired!?  I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!

Sleep

Oh yeah, actually SLEEPING!  Sure.  Okay, I'm 40 so when is that happening?  

When I decide to stay up later because I don't want to just work all the time and so I stay up later to watch a show so I don't feel like I just work?  Or is it in the morning when I randomly wake up an hour before my alarm because I have to pee all the time now?  Then I fall asleep and my wife's alarm goes off a half an hour before mine so then I lay there debating whether to go back to sleep or just look at my phone and then I fall asleep only for my alarm to wake me up literally minutes later?!  Or is it when I try to sleep in on the weekends and my kids, who are amazing btw, want me to come hang out with them?  Is it when I try to take a nap but I view naps as something that are amazing but also a waste of my time?  Do I like run on sentences!?

My buddy always said about being an adult with kids he will sleep when he dies, but holy shit man that's pretty fucking bleak isn't it?  Just go sleep man.  

*Ever read those articles where super successful people sleep only 3-4 hours a night?  Fuck those people, amiright!?

Reduce Stress

Did you not read the previous paragraph?  Just on trying to sleep I'm stressed.  What are we going to add now to my stress I can't reduce?  Let's see...

Inflation.  Rising costs.  Climate change.  Scary political climate.  Kids.  Their safety.  Money.  Saving for the future.  Trying to find time to sleep, work, workout, be a parent, a spouse, get alone time, finish a show or complete that video game I've tried to play since 2016.  

Also I'm so old that my shoulder randomly tore and it hurts to scratch my neck now.  To steal a great Seinfeld quote, but putting my name in instead...JEFF'S GETTING STRESSED OUT!

Therapy

I'm not dogging on therapy because therapy is a great and healthy thing, it's why I write, because it's therapeutic.  So I'm moving on to the next topic, but not before I say if I was to see a therapist that I would be more tired because they have quiet soothing voices...unless it's therapy like Gallagher, remember that guy!? 

Get me a sledgehammer and a watermelon please, that'll keep me awake!  Also there's two Gallagher's, they are brothers that are feuding...so now I gotta Google and see what's going on with them.

Cut Out Caffeine

How am I supposed to stay awake!?  NATURALLY!?  True story I didn't like coffee before I met my wife.  I never saw the point in it, it tastes like shit.  10 years later I mean, it's not that bad and I need it to live.  

Soda I always saw the point in.  I love it.  Dr. Pepper, Coke, Cherry Coke, all of it.  Give it to me...minus Pepsi Zero, gross.  So am I going to dabble and have one of those a day?  Yes.  Are you trying to tell me I'm supposed to cut that stuff out?  Did you hear of that old ass lady who drank a Dr. Pepper everyday?  She's still alive...I think.  You trying to tell me she didn't do something right?  How much do you think she slept!?

Drink Less Alcohol

Nope!  Next!

More Water

I do enjoy a good water.  It's the best drink ever...after whiskey...and Dr. Pepper...and sometimes milk but only if you had something chocolate...it's so good...or when you have a slice of pizza and drink some milk, I used to love that.  Now, I'm no longer a milk guy but I'm getting off topic.  Sleep?  Yes.

So there you have it!  All helpful tips that will be sure to make you feel super relaxed and ready to have a great day.  You can thank me later!

Thanks for reading:

Jeff

Oh did you know I wrote a book!?  I'd like to sell more and all of it goes to my kids college fund and if we sell more, like oh a million more maybe it can be a movie and then I can...hold up...the next blog I cast Burying the Past.  Then it essentially will be a cinch for those Hollywood types to get the movie going.  

LET'S GOOOOO!  PS buy the book, link below.  

Burying the Past

I'm 40, Mentally 30, Physically 50: A Blog

 

Lately I've been watching movies that people have been telling me for YEARS to watch.  I had somehow never seen the following:

- Ghost

- My Cousin Vinny

- Roadhouse

- White Men Can't Jump

- Parenthood

- more movies to list that some day I will do a blog on each one I watched...spoiler alert, I don't think I really missed out on much (although the monster truck scene in Roadhouse should be studied for YEARS in any film school, it's a masterpiece.  Actually that's my next blog, reviewing each of the "new" movies).

While watching Parenthood I had two thoughts.  1.  It's really not that funny, it's super depressing.  2.  Steve Martin is about to have a 4th kid in that movie...did you see his picture above!?  He looks 60!  Guess how old he was when they shot the movie?  Go on...guess...

44.  I'm 4 years away from that.  How did our generation decide to age just a little bit better than the previous one?  I see men and women that are 44 now that can easily pass for mid 30's.  Is it the fashion?  Better availability of botox?  Both!?  

So that movie got me to thinking a few things (besides the fact that Mary Steenburger has aged wonderfully, her vs Julia Louis Dreyfus in an ultimate cougar battle, who wins!?).  I started to wonder the above, but I think I figured it out (it's botox and plastic surgery and social media forcing us to all still look young)...so I solved that one.  The second one, where is my mid-life crisis?  

There are a lot of theories to that, but I fell upon a Tik Tok (pre-banned Tik Tok, so if you read this in the future, Tik Tok is an application that steals your information, the only difference is that app is from China stealing your information, while you're probably getting a link to this blog on Facebook or Twitter, apps stealing your information in the good old USA!), this Tik Tok video went in to great length to describe why my generation hasn't had a mid life crisis.  It was quite interesting, clearly we've gone through numerous crises (crisees!?) already, we've also had significantly less wealth built up than the boomer generation who had money saved up enough to go buy a new car or spouse.  

My generation has also grown up a lot different than the ones before and after.  We got to experience rotary phones, dial up connections and everything in our phone.  Video games?  We've had them all, from hooking them up on the back with a screwdriver to playing all of those games on my phone just last night!  Ways to pirate movies?  Covered in every aspect through my life.  Tapes to LimeWire to "redacted".  Music?  Our oldies are still cooler than whatever this generations songs are called.  (Side note, I had a joke about how I'm so old The Next Episode by Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg is an oldie...I also had a joke that I'm so old I can fart the beginning seconds in the restroom every morning after my coffee).  Us older millennial's are a weird in-between of the old ways vs the new.  REMEMBER 1-800-COLLECT!?!?  YOWZA!

I think we've experienced so much in such a short time we didn't have time to have a mid life crises.  Or we're aging so differently (and better) than previous generations that our midlife crises will be around age 50.  But by then I'll be so old my main crises will be where do I start when I re-watch all the Marvel movies?  Or when will I finally see Limp Bizkit (0 for 3 this decade, come on Fred!)?  Maybe I'm one of the lucky few who didn't have one?  

Life is pretty crazy now and most if not all of you reading this are around my age, so we're all just trying to navigate a post-Covid world involving work and school and social functions.  Handling kid stuff and figuring out how to have them live their best lives and be involved in as many cool things as they can, BUT at the same time do enough for yourself (like binge watching shows and catching up on dramedy's about parenting from the 80's that you've never seen, oh and staying healthy because cholesterol is a thing now).  Or if you don't have kids, just figuring your shit out.  Because that's life, and life is tough (did I steal that from Parenthood!?).

One last thought on my age, based on the title, turning 40 now is insane.  I don't feel like I'm 40 until I sleep the wrong way on my new pillow.  Then I feel like an old ass 50 year old.  I also have to watch my cholesterol as I stated above, but I could seriously f with some Taco Bell right now.  Listening to music with the windows down I'm cranking some rap or rock but then I get a ringing in my ears.  And I love to drink and go out, but boy do I love having a drink or two at home and being in the house by nighttime.  Those my age reading this who still go hard like I did 10 years ago, my hats off to you...but I'll always remember passing out "early" on a floor and my cousins best friend going "Wow, if Jeff Kleeman knew what he was doing now he would be so disappointed in himself!".  Best quote ever, thanks Spud.  

I will leave you with another quote from my seriously brainy, super cool daughter from this week that really got me, so wise for a 6 year old to say the following: "Remember the years go pretty quickly to 100...now let's go get ice cream!".  Smart kid.  

Thanks for reading and sorry, not sorry, for all the parentheses!  

Jeff

PS Steve Martin is a legend and must be protected at all costs.  Coming next time, movies Jeff watched that are old and he writes about them!

PPS I wrote a book!  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BTRPH7RW?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860

What's All This To Do Then?

 

I just finished my book, you may have heard!?  So I didn't want to over-promote it but... here is a link to Burying the Past, available now on Amazon!  

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BTRPH7RW?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860

Finishing the book was a glorious/painful experience.  It's definitely not perfect.  There's stories looking back on that I forgot to put in, the Cory putting out a fire story in particular is a great story and I COMPLETELY FORGOT!  SORRY KAAAAAHHHHH!

There's stories that honestly should've went in that I didn't include because of...reasons, particularly with the two jobs in Lincoln.  The stories are so amazingly weird and bonkers they don't honestly seem real anyway.  You can ask me what they are the old fashioned way, text messaging!

Also with any exes I tried to be super nice, I think I was only mean to like two?  And I can't tell other stories because I am quite happily married, so if you want to hear any of those you can ask me what they are the old fashioned way, calling (text messaging you can screen shot, nope)!

Maybeeeeee if I sell 500 copies of the book, I'll get greedy enough to come out with a deluxe edition or put in a better font size for the older people (I did a 12 font and on the test run I thought it looked fine, so my apologies if you had to get a magnifying glass to read...and no apologies if you work at a magnifying glass plant).  

Now that I finished the book, what do I do with the limited time I had?  Well...what do you think this blog is about!?  Join me as I debate my next route...

- Another Book

Nope!  Never.  Done.  

I have debated writing a screen play for fun.  I attempted one a LONG time ago in college that was called 17 Cent Situation...and it is pretty amazing, but writing a screenplay seems far more complicated than a book and it's not going to end up a movie anyway.

- Binge Some More Shows

I honestly don't know what shows I have left to binge watch besides a handful, those being

* Better Call Saul's final season

* Severance (100% happening this week)

* Curb Your Enthusiasm (I'm on episode 5 of season 1...it's a long task)

OR binge watch some classics such as

* Seinfeld, to see if it's held up

* The Office (sadly I've been doing this, I'm to season's 4 finale, it's held up, but Jim is kind of a dick and Pam is possibly the worst, team Karen)

* Community, also to see if it held up or I built it up in my head as the greatest show ever.

Get In To Politics...AGAIN!

Nope!  I don't want to tie again.  There's no other options, I won't win, I won't lose.  I will have a second tie.  That is my destiny.  Plus have you seen how bad it is on both sides?  No, I'm good.  Unless there's a cool third party that isn't influenced by horrible people with money and decide what happens based on what's right.  

PS Tax churches. 

Exercise!

This I do need to do.  Turning 40 has led to my body hating if I eat burritos 6 days in a row, so add diet in there too...in fact, boom we have a winner!  Only one problem, what is a healthy burrito I can do?  Feel free to text me or comment.  

I think I'm going to maybe do my progression diet-wise on this blog.  Let's see how I do now that you're invested!

*Also I had the following blog idea for a while, but it doesn't warrant a full blog, so I'm throwing in my questioning of parenthood activities. 

I was talking with my coworker last week (was it last week!?) and parenting now is crazy right?  Where am I going with this?  Glad you didn't ask!  I'm going in a few directions.  One direction is schools and other various things only having activities during work hours.  When was all of this decided?  Parent teacher conferences at a preschool during the day!?  A fun run scheduled during the noon hour in a big ish city!?  No, what is this?  

All you parents who do make it, what do you...do?  Stay at home spouse is definitely a job (trust me!  I did it briefly) but if you live in the richy rich part of the neighborhood I automatically assume it's a two household income kinda lifestyle so I'm super confused when one person is a banker and the other either doesn't work or is a part time florist.  It's your parents money isn't it?  

The other thing with parenting and activities, if you have more than 2 kids I feel for you.  There's so many things for them to do you don't get any time for yourself.  We have at no particular time: gymnastics, swimming, dance, piano, soccer and we haven't even gotten to baseball/basketball/football.  That's insane on two levels, time and expense.  I'd like my kids to try everything, but I also see why some of those psycho (sorry, intense) parents force (sorry, focus) on one sport, saves some time and money. 

Basically, the main thing to learn is nothing will ever be perfect as long as you try and the kids don't turn in to jerks.  So far so good on my end!

Thanks for reading...also you may be unsure, but I did just release a book, available here:

Burying the Past

Thanks for reading!  Oh, I forgot to list above with exercise...blogging will be back, ish!  Maybe monthly, depends on my ideas and when they come to me.  Have a great day!

Jeff

PS Next blog is going to be about boomers and why they should have to take a test to be on Facebook.  I just thought of this, it's too good not to do.  

Vertigo or: I'm Dizzy When I Get Up Too Fast and Other Weird Things of Getting Old

 

Getting older has led to the WEIRDEST things.  If you told me when I was 30, that 10 years later the following would happen I would've said you're crazy!  Let's explore:

- As I mentioned in the title, getting dizzy is ROUGH.  Getting up too fast when I hear my kid asking for me in the morning or just getting out of bed has led to some fun mornings.  The things that are happening as I get older are so weird to me.  Dizzy spells.  Being tired literally early in the evenings.  My back ALWAYS HURTS.  

Back to vertigo, I haven't had it in years, then a few weeks ago, boom, dizzy.  Fun fact, I also had a bout of vertigo on the very first TV show I ever hosted, did I hide it well?  Yes.  Was it all downhill from there?  Also yes.  

Quick tip to get rid of the vertigo/dizziness: put your body against a wall, standing up of course...and proceed to tilt your head side to side like the Roxbury Guys, then you're good to go...well that and prescription drugs of course.

- I still watch The Office!?  There is so much content in entertainment it's insane.  We are truly in the golden age of television, with some amazing shows I have yet to partake in.  So I ask you this, why am I still willingly watching The Office!?  

Same with The Simpsons, same if a random Seinfeld is on.  Is it a comfort thing!?  I'm about to binge watch the hell out of Curb Your Enthusiasm, so maybe I'll take a tiny break from watching the same episode of The Office for the 12th time...after the dinner party episode, because it's perfect television.

- They are still making Fast and the Furious movies!?  How are there so little ideas to movies these days?  Hire me and my cousin Brad, we'll whip you up a fun, cheaply made idea that'll make you you're money back and have you leaving the comfort of your living room (or a movie theater, what are those!?) with a smile on your face...or a frown.  Either way hire us, are you listening other Jeff Kleeman!?

Although I am impressed that they tied Tokyo Drift to the 10th (or is it 9th!?  11th!?) Fast and the Furious movie, which, is quite impressive to the large collective of people who were thinking, "I wonder what the gang from the least successful Fast and the Furious movie is up to!?".  Also, where is Bow Wow!?  

- Superhero movies are getting old and repetitive!?  I'm so tired of the amount of content they are putting out.  Back in the day you would watch one of these, there may or may not be a few sequels, then it was done for a few years.  Now we have 2-3 current Batmen, a billion Spider-Men...a lot of average to barely above average Marvel shows and a ton of movies that I have to force myself to watch because I don't want to be lost when Avengers 8 comes out.

Again, give me a low budget, get me my Cowriter, we'll write you another movie starring Eric Rasmussen, boom, money.  

Also, related rant.  Comics were lame when I was a kid, I loved them and now it's cool!?  Not fair.  Rant over.  

- Staring at my phone with my wife at 9:30 PM on a Friday night is enjoyable simply because it's quiet!?  It's so crazy.  10 years ago I was still going out, every so.  Not really the bars anymore, house parties were nice or friend get togethers.  Now it's kinda nice being home on a Friday or Saturday and just....CHILLING.  I do miss the occasional party, I REALLY miss beer pong and I definitely would love a board game night...as long as all of my guests clean up after themselves, don't wake up my kids and leave at a reasonable hour, is that too much to ask!?

Lastly, my book was 100% done, then it was 90% done to fix some things....(thanks Brad!), now it's 100% done again.  I might put the first page on his blog in a few weeks, but that's all leading up to say it's done and I just need to go on Amazon publishing and get things rolling.  Here is the cover of the book, if you know me, it's an old friend!

Look for that book coming up soon.  If you don't mind me, I'm going to stand up now and do some stretches.  Thanks for reading!

Jeff