Are You Tired!? Do I Have Some Tips For You!

 

Hey there fellow adult!  If you're reading this, it's more than likely you were born before the year 2000.  If you are reading this and you weren't, then get the fuck outta here, what are you doing?  

So I'm tired literally all the time.  Is that because I'm 40?  Because I have 2 kids?  Because I stay up late and wake up early!?  WHO KNOWS!?

What I do know is I looked up some helpful hints and tricks to never be tired again, thanks Google!  So I'm going to share them because clearly they work.  I'm going to post each one in order with my opinion after and if you have any ideas to not feel tired all the time, please let me know, because as soon as I'm not tired all the time I'll be old...older than I am now. 

Here's some tips!

Eat Often

This can't be accurate can it?  Eating will cause me to be less tired!?  Usually it makes me more tired.  Honestly, I just had dinner a few hours ago and I've been fighting sleep since.  Also what am I supposed to eat to not be tired?  I feel that was a misprint and it was supposed to say "Beat Often".  Take that joke as you will but that's gonna keep me up more than eating. 

Get Moving

Yeah clearly moving around is going to make you less tired, but when am I supposed to do that?  I work at a desk or in my car, so maybe I go park my car for a bit and do some laps around the park and get moving.  But it's summer, so then I'm going to get super sweaty.  So am I supposed to go back to work super sweaty?  Okay, sweatier than I do already because it's summer time and I have leather seats and I'm literally drenched in sweat by the time I leave my car after my 20 minute commute?

* public service announcement.  I have a sweat blanket for my car.  What's a sweat blanket you may ask?  It's a blanket I put between my back and my hot leather chair that makes it so I don't get as sweaty.  In other news until I get a car with air conditioned seats, my kids blankets are my savior on a hot summer day...and it's only JUNE!  

Lose Weight to Gain Energy

So I was going to discuss this above, but getting moving is working out.  I enjoy working out.  I legit enjoy running.  Can I find the time to do any of that?  Minus now at 9 PM at night when I should be exercising and not writing a blog about how I'm tired and should be exercising?

When am I supposed to work out by the way?  6 AM in the morning when I'm super tired?  At night when I just want to sit and watch a show or mess around on my phone?  The middle of the day when I have to return to work!?  I already have issues sweating in my car, I don't want to go to work sweating even more.  Also why is all this sweat leaving my body not a work out and helping me be less tired!?  I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!

Sleep

Oh yeah, actually SLEEPING!  Sure.  Okay, I'm 40 so when is that happening?  

When I decide to stay up later because I don't want to just work all the time and so I stay up later to watch a show so I don't feel like I just work?  Or is it in the morning when I randomly wake up an hour before my alarm because I have to pee all the time now?  Then I fall asleep and my wife's alarm goes off a half an hour before mine so then I lay there debating whether to go back to sleep or just look at my phone and then I fall asleep only for my alarm to wake me up literally minutes later?!  Or is it when I try to sleep in on the weekends and my kids, who are amazing btw, want me to come hang out with them?  Is it when I try to take a nap but I view naps as something that are amazing but also a waste of my time?  Do I like run on sentences!?

My buddy always said about being an adult with kids he will sleep when he dies, but holy shit man that's pretty fucking bleak isn't it?  Just go sleep man.  

*Ever read those articles where super successful people sleep only 3-4 hours a night?  Fuck those people, amiright!?

Reduce Stress

Did you not read the previous paragraph?  Just on trying to sleep I'm stressed.  What are we going to add now to my stress I can't reduce?  Let's see...

Inflation.  Rising costs.  Climate change.  Scary political climate.  Kids.  Their safety.  Money.  Saving for the future.  Trying to find time to sleep, work, workout, be a parent, a spouse, get alone time, finish a show or complete that video game I've tried to play since 2016.  

Also I'm so old that my shoulder randomly tore and it hurts to scratch my neck now.  To steal a great Seinfeld quote, but putting my name in instead...JEFF'S GETTING STRESSED OUT!

Therapy

I'm not dogging on therapy because therapy is a great and healthy thing, it's why I write, because it's therapeutic.  So I'm moving on to the next topic, but not before I say if I was to see a therapist that I would be more tired because they have quiet soothing voices...unless it's therapy like Gallagher, remember that guy!? 

Get me a sledgehammer and a watermelon please, that'll keep me awake!  Also there's two Gallagher's, they are brothers that are feuding...so now I gotta Google and see what's going on with them.

Cut Out Caffeine

How am I supposed to stay awake!?  NATURALLY!?  True story I didn't like coffee before I met my wife.  I never saw the point in it, it tastes like shit.  10 years later I mean, it's not that bad and I need it to live.  

Soda I always saw the point in.  I love it.  Dr. Pepper, Coke, Cherry Coke, all of it.  Give it to me...minus Pepsi Zero, gross.  So am I going to dabble and have one of those a day?  Yes.  Are you trying to tell me I'm supposed to cut that stuff out?  Did you hear of that old ass lady who drank a Dr. Pepper everyday?  She's still alive...I think.  You trying to tell me she didn't do something right?  How much do you think she slept!?

Drink Less Alcohol

Nope!  Next!

More Water

I do enjoy a good water.  It's the best drink ever...after whiskey...and Dr. Pepper...and sometimes milk but only if you had something chocolate...it's so good...or when you have a slice of pizza and drink some milk, I used to love that.  Now, I'm no longer a milk guy but I'm getting off topic.  Sleep?  Yes.

So there you have it!  All helpful tips that will be sure to make you feel super relaxed and ready to have a great day.  You can thank me later!

Thanks for reading:

Jeff

Oh did you know I wrote a book!?  I'd like to sell more and all of it goes to my kids college fund and if we sell more, like oh a million more maybe it can be a movie and then I can...hold up...the next blog I cast Burying the Past.  Then it essentially will be a cinch for those Hollywood types to get the movie going.  

LET'S GOOOOO!  PS buy the book, link below.  

Burying the Past

What's All This To Do Then?

 

I just finished my book, you may have heard!?  So I didn't want to over-promote it but... here is a link to Burying the Past, available now on Amazon!  

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BTRPH7RW?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860

Finishing the book was a glorious/painful experience.  It's definitely not perfect.  There's stories looking back on that I forgot to put in, the Cory putting out a fire story in particular is a great story and I COMPLETELY FORGOT!  SORRY KAAAAAHHHHH!

There's stories that honestly should've went in that I didn't include because of...reasons, particularly with the two jobs in Lincoln.  The stories are so amazingly weird and bonkers they don't honestly seem real anyway.  You can ask me what they are the old fashioned way, text messaging!

Also with any exes I tried to be super nice, I think I was only mean to like two?  And I can't tell other stories because I am quite happily married, so if you want to hear any of those you can ask me what they are the old fashioned way, calling (text messaging you can screen shot, nope)!

Maybeeeeee if I sell 500 copies of the book, I'll get greedy enough to come out with a deluxe edition or put in a better font size for the older people (I did a 12 font and on the test run I thought it looked fine, so my apologies if you had to get a magnifying glass to read...and no apologies if you work at a magnifying glass plant).  

Now that I finished the book, what do I do with the limited time I had?  Well...what do you think this blog is about!?  Join me as I debate my next route...

- Another Book

Nope!  Never.  Done.  

I have debated writing a screen play for fun.  I attempted one a LONG time ago in college that was called 17 Cent Situation...and it is pretty amazing, but writing a screenplay seems far more complicated than a book and it's not going to end up a movie anyway.

- Binge Some More Shows

I honestly don't know what shows I have left to binge watch besides a handful, those being

* Better Call Saul's final season

* Severance (100% happening this week)

* Curb Your Enthusiasm (I'm on episode 5 of season 1...it's a long task)

OR binge watch some classics such as

* Seinfeld, to see if it's held up

* The Office (sadly I've been doing this, I'm to season's 4 finale, it's held up, but Jim is kind of a dick and Pam is possibly the worst, team Karen)

* Community, also to see if it held up or I built it up in my head as the greatest show ever.

Get In To Politics...AGAIN!

Nope!  I don't want to tie again.  There's no other options, I won't win, I won't lose.  I will have a second tie.  That is my destiny.  Plus have you seen how bad it is on both sides?  No, I'm good.  Unless there's a cool third party that isn't influenced by horrible people with money and decide what happens based on what's right.  

PS Tax churches. 

Exercise!

This I do need to do.  Turning 40 has led to my body hating if I eat burritos 6 days in a row, so add diet in there too...in fact, boom we have a winner!  Only one problem, what is a healthy burrito I can do?  Feel free to text me or comment.  

I think I'm going to maybe do my progression diet-wise on this blog.  Let's see how I do now that you're invested!

*Also I had the following blog idea for a while, but it doesn't warrant a full blog, so I'm throwing in my questioning of parenthood activities. 

I was talking with my coworker last week (was it last week!?) and parenting now is crazy right?  Where am I going with this?  Glad you didn't ask!  I'm going in a few directions.  One direction is schools and other various things only having activities during work hours.  When was all of this decided?  Parent teacher conferences at a preschool during the day!?  A fun run scheduled during the noon hour in a big ish city!?  No, what is this?  

All you parents who do make it, what do you...do?  Stay at home spouse is definitely a job (trust me!  I did it briefly) but if you live in the richy rich part of the neighborhood I automatically assume it's a two household income kinda lifestyle so I'm super confused when one person is a banker and the other either doesn't work or is a part time florist.  It's your parents money isn't it?  

The other thing with parenting and activities, if you have more than 2 kids I feel for you.  There's so many things for them to do you don't get any time for yourself.  We have at no particular time: gymnastics, swimming, dance, piano, soccer and we haven't even gotten to baseball/basketball/football.  That's insane on two levels, time and expense.  I'd like my kids to try everything, but I also see why some of those psycho (sorry, intense) parents force (sorry, focus) on one sport, saves some time and money. 

Basically, the main thing to learn is nothing will ever be perfect as long as you try and the kids don't turn in to jerks.  So far so good on my end!

Thanks for reading...also you may be unsure, but I did just release a book, available here:

Burying the Past

Thanks for reading!  Oh, I forgot to list above with exercise...blogging will be back, ish!  Maybe monthly, depends on my ideas and when they come to me.  Have a great day!

Jeff

PS Next blog is going to be about boomers and why they should have to take a test to be on Facebook.  I just thought of this, it's too good not to do.  

Kids Say the Darndest...

It's really great raising two kids who are super curious and ask a lot of questions.  First of all, they haven't been tainted by the world yet, so they are full of wonder and questions such as, "Dad, why is that guys butt sticking out of his pants?".  That was a fun moment at Hy Vee.

Second of all, I'm pretty blunt, but I'm aware of what I can and cannot ask, I absolutely love how blunt kids can be with whatever they say.  They don't care!  They will ask a super awkward question and then move on to watching Gabby's Dollhouse, forgetting they ever asked it.  

Yesterday my daughter asked a question that legit made sense, most of hers do.  So I thought I would tally up a few of her questions and my son's questions into a blog and comment on them.  Let's start with the one that got me to write this blog in the first place:

* note, this isn't one of those super lame blogs where parents lie about their kids quotes, neither have expressed their views on world peace, politics or if Taylor Swift is or isn't overrated.  (She's not, but I can see the argument).  Just some normal questions from two awesome kids.

"Why do you have to pay for school lunches?"

My first reaction was, holy shit, why does anybody have to pay for school lunches?  It honestly should come with school.  But then I got to thinking how underpaid school staff is.  How we have to do donations just to help support a school while legit billionaires are flying a space shuttle into space.  How the education and the societal system is broken, especially when it comes to education and the poor.  Then my head exploded.  

But seriously, I didn't grow up wealthy, but imagine having to not pay for your kid to eat at a place they learn, amazing.  This also goes in to college and how all of their staff is underpaid...but that's for another day.

"Why do kids have to stay home from daycare when they aren't sick?"

I had an entire blog written up about this, but I had to delete it for a few reasons.  I was super angry, which doesn't translate to a good read.  Also I completely understand the risk if a kid "might" be sick.  I oddly helped run a daycare for a few months (my resume is bonkers, I know this.  To learn more about my crazy life, buy my book in November called "Burying the Past"!) so I understand not wanting to close down and refund parents...but....

The system is broken.  Daycare is super expensive.  Most people can't afford it.  Most people can't afford to not have it.  We have the luxury of not being those parents that drop off a sick kid because we have to, but I get it.  But on the same note, people should try to not drop off their kid if they are sick because they get others sick.  They also, not my current daycare, I like this current daycare, but some daycare's didn't have a clue what to do with Covid.  

Kids temp is 100?  Send them home for 2-3 days!  Okay that doesn't affect anything at all work wise, does it?  Our son was sent home from a daycare for having a 99 degree temp in June.  So I had to work from home while our perfectly healthy son was fine.  When I questioned it, the head of the daycare tried to explain to me what a fever was like I wasn't married to a doctor or passed 5th grade science (D's get degrees).  

Quick thing, preschool/daycare teachers and staff should be paid more.  People's jobs SHOULD have a daycare allowance in it.

Basically the first two questions my daughter had involved the education and childcare system and how it's broken.  Perhaps my daughter or son can help change the world in the future and not have a tie in a political race like their dad.  Speaking of which?

Why is that guy so old!?

Okay, only a minor political one, but one that 99% of everyone can agree on.  My son asked this about our president.  Nobody over the age of 65 should be making decisions.  You're done, go drink a margarita and hang with your grand kids, you did your job.  There is no reason anyone should run for any political office at age 88.  

My son is 3 and asked why someone old is speaking on television, clearly he didn't know who it was.  But seriously, what a broken ass system.  Should honestly rename this blog "The System is Broken".  

Why do I have to wake up early every day?

My daughter is learning quick, the answer to this is nobody knows why!  The work day was set Monday thru Friday 8-5 by Satan.  School usually between 8ish - 3 ish?  I'm down for some changes there.  Four day work weeks?  Non Satan hours of 8-5?  Shorter school days where they maximize their learning?  More remote possibilities with jobs, oh, oh, oh!  My favorite question is the next one!

Why are my things during your job?

So a lot of people work without the luxury of being able to pick up and drop off your kids whenever, wherever...Shakira references!  

So my daughter has dance right at 5, that involves working people to leave at 4:30 to get to her after school place on time, then get to dance at 5, but then I gotta go pick up my kid, then go back to the same location to pick up my child when she's done.  Then there's dinner, then whatever small amount of time with them before they go to sleep, then you do the parent thing where you have goals, but stare at a wall or a tv show/phone instead.

Kindergarten training, I'll call it that, was at 9 AM each day, which I worked at 9 AM each day, then it was over at 11:45, so you gotta leave early (I'd also like to throw in I had my vasectomy this week like an idiot, so we dropped her off at 9 AM, then I had a vasectomy, then I waddled to go pick up my daughter, that week SUCKED).  It seems all things for kids are during the day intentionally to make one parent want to lose their god damn mind.  

Daddy how come you can swear?

Because I fucking can, get over it.  (I didn't really respond with that, but it's funny!).  

My kids know not to swear, I've discussed this with a few parents recently, but it's impossible for me to not swear.  Years and years of doing it, if I stub my toe I'm not NOT going to swear.  So you make sure your kids know they can't say the major bad words...but now I have to deal with poopy butt being a bad word at daycare and I have ZERO issues with poopy or butt being said.  Honestly, just be a good person and if they say booby let it slide preschool teacher who should be making way more money than you currently are (see I'm on your side!!!).

That's just a few of the gems they've had, I love the questions my kids ask, luckily they aren't all as deep as some of the above questions, more so it's asking how to add and spell which I can handle.  Here's a quick round up for funny ones that don't need a write up, one is clearly a joke:

- Why do girls not have wieners?

- Why are my farts smelly?

- Why do we have to eat vegetables?

- Are you lying about Santa?

- What are your thoughts on trickle down economics?

- Why do you yell at the 49'ers?

- Why do we fart?

- Why can't I scratch my butt in public?

Just some gems here, clearly the made up question was....Santa, it's the Santa one!  100%....

Thanks for reading as always.  I'm in the beginning stages of the how to convert finished book to Amazon publishing, but I'm there.  I finished a freaking book and I couldn't be happier.  If this takes off, perhaps I'll try another book that'll take far less time to complete than 13 years.  

Thanks for reading!

Jeff

Parenting 101...Questions

When I came up with the idea for this blog, the name Parenting 101...Questions popped in my head and I loved it.  But then I started to wonder, "Are there 101 questions I have about parenting?".  No, not really.  When I sat down pen to paper (fingers to keyboard, you know what I mean) I compiled a list, could I get to 28?  45?  69!?  (Hahaha, see what I did there?).  

No, I couldn't get there, but I do have a few questions that are on my mind, let's begin with...

WHY IS THERE ALWAYS AN EVENT INVOLVING ASKING FOR MONEY!?

Okay, I know why, because the education system is broke and they need money.  But holy...let's say cow.  My son is in preschool, my daughter just started kindergarten.  Fundraiser central.  Want to come to the fair and get food?  Hell yeah I do, but you gotta buy the raffle tickets and the food and whatever else comes up.

Want to go to an event at a preschool and get free food but pay money to watch Sing which you've seen 38 times?  Hell yeah I do!  Sing and Sing 2 have the best replay value for a movie since Moana, BUT now it's starting to add up.  

Coming up we have a food fundraiser (which is good, people should eat) and a running fundraiser (also good, people should run) and don't even get me started on political campaigns and kids coming to my door asking me to buy food.  OF COURSE I'LL BUY YOUR FOOD!  I'm the skinniest fat kid ever, give me higher cholesterol. 

Before I know it, I'm going to be having a fundraiser called "The Fundraiser to Fund the Raisers".  I will play some records, I will rap the Humpty Dance with or without Alex and Dustin beat boxing and set up a beer pong tourney to...wait...okay the records and beer pong tourney sounds like a good idea.  I better bring this up to the HOA WHICH I ALSO PAY MONEY FOR!

Back to music.  When dropping off your kids, what do you listen to?  Do you have it on talk radio or a podcast? Maybe an annoying morning show?  Me?  I'm listening to my mixes.  It can be whatever any time of day, but the real concern is I better have my window rolled up because, my bad, Ice Cube was asking, very politely as a matter of fact, you can do it, put your ass in to it.  

First off Mr. Cube, for me no, not this morning.  But it is funny getting to my 40's and our oldies are Cube, 2Pac, Dre, Korn, Metallica...I might have to stick to sports radio, but I can't handle sports after a 49'ers loss because I'm apparently a fucking child with sports.

Speaking of children!  How come when they find a toy they both haven't seen since pre-covid (somehow 40 years ago) they have to argue over it.  There was a stuffy of a dog that honestly was on the chopping block (neutering block I guess?) for toys, they both spotted it and boom, fireworks.  Anger.  Tears.  Two seconds of that random quiet when you think they fixed it themselves and then, oh wait, no wait, they were kidding.  

I grew up an only child, so all of this is new to me.  I had my cousin Brad, my cousin/brother (crother?  brousin?  It's brousin isn't it?) which we had arguments, we still do, but like, it's funny.  Then we're back to normal, my kids eventually get there, but the arguments over, and I can't emphasize this enough, the stupidest shit, will remain at least until college time.

*kids if you find this blog in 2042, I love you both, I hope you two are just crushing it and climate change hasn't quite taken effect and not to get too political, but I hope to god I stop hearing about one piece of shit ex-president daily by at least 2025...but somehow I doubt it.  Oh, and give dad and mom a call!  - Jeff in 2042

Finally, the terrible 2's aren't a thing.  That's some stupid phrase Dr. Spock or whoever else came up with in the olden times for those god awful parenting books that they made bank on.  The only Dr. Spock anyone should listen to told me to live long and prosper, which again if these kids keep selling me food my cholesterol will not agree with that phrase.  

The 3's are the crazy age...at least til puberty hits I'm guessing.  Our daughter had her craziness at 3 and currently it's our sons turn.  It's the age they can have a conversation with you and say "I love you" one minute and the next say "I'm going to eat your face!", which has happened!  He also discovered how funny the words Poopy and Butt are next to each other which clearly he's a comic genius, poopybutt, I'm laughing just typing it.

Unfortunately you can't say those words in unison or you will get talked to every...single...day...you pick him up.  At least he's not saying god awful things like the f word and How 'Bout them Cowboys.  Now we just have to conquer poopy butt and him crying uncontrollably when we leave a room for "insert 3 year old gymnastics/swimming/anything else class" and we will be good to go!

Well I for one am really glad I didn't attempt to do 101 questions, I kept some of the gold though which I'll share below because they were legit questions that I need to know

- What happened to Josh Hartnett and the guy from Friday Night Lights?  Weren't they supposed to be movie stars!?

- Is new music good?  IS IT!?  

- Underrated show, Brooklyn Nine Nine, I'm watching it now.  But here's the question, it expires on Hulu to go on another streaming service soon so I'm binge watching like mad, but why are there so many streaming services!?  This household alone has: Netflix, Peacock, Disney, Hulu, Amazon, ESPN, HBO, Paramount...WHERE DOES IT END?

- Also why does everything have to have a +!?  Just do a different name...gaaaahhhhhhh.

- Seriously Josh Hartnett was in some good stuff, like seriously what the hell happened?

The rest of the questions were basically things every parent asks, more Hartnett questions (Seriously!?) and how there are no original ideas for TV shows since the 80's....which will be my next blog.  

Thanks for reading as always!

Jeff

Parenting Advice

Who doesn't love unsolicited parenting advice!?  The answer?  Nobody!  I love telling people what to do with their kids.  You know who else likes to lay down Law & Order?  Ice Tea Danny Gilbertson, that's who.  So we decided to ask each other some parenting questions, to give the best advice to you, the parents who need it ;)

Warning: The majority of this is satire.  Duh.

How do you get your kids to sleep?

Danny: Easy, shot of whiskey right before bedtime.

Best idea for playtime?

Danny: The William Tell Game. It teaches precision and they can eat the fruit afterwards so it’s healthy also!

How to get a difficult child to eat?

Danny: Turn everything into a chicken nugget. Just bread it, deep fry it, and bam, broccoli chicken nuggets.

Best TV show/book for education?

Danny: The Art Of The Deal. One chapter a night and so by the time when they turn 10 they’ll be on their way to their first bankruptcy.

Let’s say you get a message from your kids teacher that they are bullying, how do you handle it?

Jeff: High five the kid.  Look, 98% of people are crappy as it is, it's good they are standing up for themselves in a world of monsters.  But after the high five, clearly five weeks with no Cocomelon, I'm not trying to raise monsters.

How old is too old to spank your kid?

Jeff: In our house we don't spank.  They get time out, toys and TV taken away.  But what we should really ask is, "What's the best age to start spanking adults?  So many crap people, if someone is being awful I think age 22-40 should be fine.  Hire a tough person to do the spankings (it's hard for people to get jobs), in public of course.  Boom, new jobs for people who need to find work. 

How many Lego's can you step on as a parent before you decide to throw them all away in a fit of rage?

Jeff: Trick question, the answer to this is ONE.  They can get their fix of Lego's by watching the Lego movies, all terrific movies, even for adults.  At this point I would rather walk over hot coals then step on a Lego again, and I've clearly only stepped on ONE...ever.

What is the best time for a kid to go to bed?

This is a big one for all parents.  But the best answer is what is the best time for you, the parent, to go to sleep?  That answer is 7 PM.  If you're actually a parent you should be exhausted by 7 PM, but you should try to stay up til 10/11 PM for sanity.  If you're out clubbing on a Wednesday night til 2 AM, drinking Pepsi, your kid is more of a parent than you.  But the answer for your kid is every night at 7:45 PM...enough time to binge watch a movie or two shows, then pass out on the couch like a true parent.

This was fun!  Danny, let's do this again, maybe this can be the Q&A blog we do in the future where you, the readers, give us questions and we both answer, kind of like the Coke or Pepsi Challenge?  We'll type our answers blindfolded and let spellcheck REALLY get to work.

Thanks for reading!

Cowriters

I'm Apparent

One month in on being a parent and here we are.  If our life was a movie (the rights still are up for grabs producer Jeff Kleeman in Hollywood!), this would be the part where halfway through we're at the "WHY WON'T SHE STOP CRYING!" part and then a montage of us trying to make her stop to an amazing song, probably this one by Hall and Oates:

Kids...they love to cry.  They also like to be incredibly adorable.  Zoe is awesome.  So since we're at over a month (holy crap), I'm going to do some random observations before my next blog which has to be about how horrible Trump has been, right!?  Or maybe a comical list of who will be a better president in 2020...yup, that's definitely my next blog.  But until then....

MORE RANDOM THINGS I HAVE NOTICED AS A PARENT!

- it now takes over 4 days to watch a complete movie.  No matter the length, I just watched Other People (decent flick, sad surprisingly) and it took me a week.  I can't imagine how long a 3 hour movie would take.  Til 2020?!

- let's get to what we're all thinking: poop.  Poop gets everywhere.  I think by the end of the day, I approximately have 1,000,000 flecks of poop dust all over me.  No joke.

- I believe I spoke about this in the last blog (parent brain, it's real), but my kid could be at a Metallica concert and be passed the f out.  But if I even have a drink of water from across the room, she is going to wake up with GREAT VENGEANCE AND FURIOUS ANGER!



- I hate people wanting to hold my kid, especially people I've never met.  It's not so much you...but it's you.  You may have a cold, or not washed your hands, or not gotten your flu shot.

Our whole family was together last week, and as she was being passed around I just kept thinking, please I hope you washed your hands.  Then people I've never met, or haven't seen in years, or people when I was out and about in town, I definitely was hesitant about.  This might sound dickish, but I guarantee you all thought this if you had a newborn.  And nobody wants a sick kid, she already cries enough as is....

- speaking of my family, I found out you guys all read this!?  Hey everybody!  Hope you all don't mind the cuss words, 49'ers rants (great head coach hire!) and random thoughts.  And hi Ethan!  Milo says hi and wants you to write him.



- playing video games is done, for like a long time right?  I luckily don't play any online games, due to all of them making me motion sick.  But I love me sports games, and I love my collection of NES games even more.

The sports games I have to pause about as much as I would while watching a movie.  The NES has something called cords (it wasn't always wireless people under 23...random age I selected).  So I now have a collection of 70 something games that I can't play until Trump is out of office in 2020 (next weeks blog!  How's that for promotion!?).

- earlier I alluded to how long it takes to finish a movie, but on the flip side of that, wow my DVR and Netflix queue is cleaning up!  I'm caught up on everything where I can even start a new show.

So, a little interaction here, I'm about to start 1 of 3 shows with my wife, feel free to text, message or post on this blog or FB site your vote (just don't do it by telegraph, I need to brush up):

- Brooklyn Nine Nine
- Veep
- Santa Clarita Diet

- also since we're all caught up on the queue, shows to watch ya'll!!!

- Luke Cage
- The Crown
- Stranger Things
- Mr. Robot

That's just 4, we've seen....more than that.

- and finally, what did people do before Facebook and the internet with pictures of their kids!?
If you would like a photo, I can text one, or maybe even get one printed out and send it if we're close enough.

We don't need to document her every waking minute and put it online (if you do this, it's completely fine, you do you.  Everyone has a different opinion on this, this is ours).  We take pictures just for us, not someone I went to high school with and haven't spoken with in 18 years (wow I'm old).  So relax, because once she gets Facebook in high school, I'm sure she will share more than enough.

That's it for this week!  I'm really looking forward to next weeks blog, you know, the one where I come up with candidates to replace this Trump mess.

Until next time....

Jeff Kleeman