Do People Still Read?

 

I haven't written a blog in months.  I've tried, but I haven't.  Between kids, work, reading Dungeon Crawler Carl and trying to keep in shape...I HAVE NO TIME!  So, I've collected some of my random thoughts from the past few months and compiled them all into this one post.  As the kids say, LFG!

- I sound like a real Donut!  "That's for you Crawler fans out there"

- do kids even say LFG anymore?  Gen Z.  I got some issues with Gen Z, I'd express them here, but I don't want to sound like a crotchety old man.  But also, Gen Z doesn't really read or know how to read. I've seen their posts and how they text.

- Okay 2% of Gen Z, the ones reading this, you some real ones.

- I can't say lol anymore btw?  GTFO

- If I say lol, I'm laughing 1/4 of the time.  If I say LOL, all caps, I'm laughing maybe 3/4 of the time.  If I put ROFL, 0% laughter.  And if I type ha at the end my sentence, I'm using it to awkwardly insert a word there in text that doesn't need to be there, ha. 

- Nighttime is overwhelming these days with kids.  They go to bed at 9 in the summer which gives myself and my wife 1-2 hours to fit in: working out, watching a show/movie, talking, reading Dungeon Crawler Carl.  I don't know how parents who let their kids stay up late get anything done.

- Maybe by waking up early?  But I say this with all sincerity.  Fuck that. 

- I don't know how people have more than 2 kids.  How are you going to give each kid the time they deserve, as well as get them in activities/make it to all of their things.  It's too much.  Then get alone time to not watch a show?  Ha.

- Max 2 kids to those of you reading this debating on children.  Just call me China, cuz 2 is perfect.

- Does China still do that?

- Where our country is the opposite.  More people for low paying work!  

- Speaking of movies/TV shows, I never thought I'd be the person to watch them in shifts...but here we are.  Shift watching is weird, continuing a story halfway through feels wrong but it's the only way I finished Dune or Oppenheimer.  

- There's a THIRD Dune coming, FML.  I just hope they don't have a sequel to Oppenheimer!  

- JK, there's definitely a sequel to Oppenheimer coming, give them a few more months.  LOL

- I can't say lol anymore?  GTFO

- Worst sports parents in order is:

1. Baseball

2. Football

3. Soccer

4. Everything else (I'm going to assume Wrestling is somehow number 4, I've seen the vids of some garbage parents at meets.)  Safest sport for kid's parents, I gotta assume fencing!

- Getting in my 40's has given me an amazing superpower though, I can fall asleep any time.  I have passed out at a luau, at John Wick in a theater, I can take on the world...one nap at a time.  

- It's tht second craziest power I've gotten in my 40's after power to grow hair in places that shouldn't have it.

- New music sucks btw.  No new good rap.  Or rock.  I always wanted to stay hip and with it with new music.  But there's not much good besides some alt and some pop.  Or soda as some call it...

- LOL, GET IT!?  SODA!?

- I can't say LOL anymore, GTFO

- If you told me at 24 that Facebook sucked, I would've thought you were crazy.  That place was for college kids only, you needed a college email.  It was the life.

- I only keep FB for work, and my ego rush of the birthday wishes.  Snapchat and Insta I'd get rid of but there are some people who only interact with me on those apps.  If only there was a device for calling and/or texting that was just as useful........

- EDITORS NOTE: I have gotten rid of Instagram.  I now have gotten rid of Twitter, Threads, Insta, next is Snap or Tik Tok.  The only thing that has changed, less cosplay thirst traps.  

- Don't you dare judge me.

- I have seen people on Facebook do posts about their besties who they have personally texted me about saying they no longer like.  Or hate.  Or they hate their spouse, or both.  And then I delete their friend and a year later they are still pretending to like each other.  What is the ever-loving fun in that?  Just stop being around people who make you unhappy.

- Why share a picture of you celebrating a friendship that doesn't exist.  One of the numerous things the boomers got lucky with is if you moved away or lived far from each other, you no longer needed to pretend to be friends.  

- Here come the texts asking who I'm talking about.  I'll tell you.

- If people still read.

- I was in a group chat for the longest time.  And this guy was in it who made fun of EVERYBODY.  That's his life.  He's a horrible person. You know what I did? Cut him out, super easy.  

- Fast food prices.  Too damn high btw, it's cheaper to eat at Chili's than it is to get McDonald's.  McDonald's is trash, delicious, great trash. Stop pretending to be someone you're not.  We already have people doing that on social media. 

- I started this blog 3 months ago btw.  That's how stupid time is.  

- I wrote the above a month ago.  

- And I wrote the above a week ago!  This is how I finish my media, that's how I'll write my blogs from now on.

- Driving is so much worse now.

- I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel since 2016 people have felt that they have the ability to be rude or mean people with no consequences...I just don't know how that coincides with anything that has happened in the last 10 years...

- No lol for that one....

- Okay fine, lol.

- I won't do that joke again, I swear!

- Nickelback is good now, wtf happened?

- Speaking of music, we just kinda gotta sorta pretend they aren't real people now right?  Just listen to the music and move on.

-Kanye I'm looking at you!  Michael Jackson.  Don't even get me started on Diddy... or Fiddy.  All just kinda sorta awful people who made some bangers.  We're in trouble if the most sane was is legit Eminem.

- If you have a large family and you're having a kid, and you plan to name that kid the same name as another kid in the family, just send a quick text. Or message.  It's your life, you do you.  But it's also unbelievably unfair to the originally named kid.  It's also tacky as all hell.

- Doubling down, super tacky.

- Speaking of kids names.  No more unneeded letters in the name.  We don't need Erin to be spelled Airin.  Get bent. Figure it out. 

- This one will get me super heat. I don't like the summer anymore.  Last place.  I don't get the summer off, so what do I enjoy about being hot and sweaty all the time?  I can't go to the pool all afternoon.  I can't survive off of freeze pops for sustenance.  I get mosquito bite reactions that rival a tumor on my face.  The 4th of July went from being a 1–3-day holiday to my neighborhood doing it for an entire week.  

- Kids don't even get a summer break anymore anyway, they get like 2 1/2 months.  Get bent.

- School also shouldn't start until Labor Day is over.  

- Also, teachers should be paid more...I'm gonna end this blog before it gets crazier.

- One last thing. Let's bring back "get bent".  Make Get Bent great again.  

- I think my next blog will be my inner voice thoughts throughout a day.  But we'll see how much this blog gets me in trouble. Cuz I feel I'm there.  

- If anyone reads.

- Jeff

Family Movie Night: The Goonies

 

The last time I did a blog was under a year ago...what's happened since then!?  Any news!?  I decided not to blog after, again, maybe 4-5 fully written blogs last year that just...sigh...we won't even get in to it.  I want to enjoy writing again and for now...this is the way.  

My last blog was Space Jam, so it only took a year for me to institute family movie night at my household and what better way to force feed my favorite movies growing up to my children then to start with the Goonies.  Also, man did I miss run-on sentences in my blogs!  I wanted to blog again, but not talk about current events or how I feel about them...so I'm just going to rewatch movies for a while with my kids and enjoy time.  

If you read my Space Jam review last year, you can skip to the next paragraph. If you didn't here is the piece (Space Jam), and here is the premise...I like to be super realistic about movies when I watch them.  It's for the comedy, I completely understand it's just a movie, but the Goonies literally takes place in one day and Chunk already asked Sloth to move in with his family after literally no interaction with him...he has been CHAINED!  Literally every movie you watch is like a week...tops (at some point I will review the absurdity of Star Wars...a 5/5 movie but it's like 3 days!).

So, let's start!  A top 10 all-time favorite movie of mine...The Goonies!

The movie begins just how all children's movies should start.  With a supposed suicide!  Hilarious!  I also love the two brothers are in so many other movies I grew up watching.  Robert Davi when I was a kid I legit thought was Ben Stiller...don't ask.  And Joe Pantoliano is a legend.  

Kerri Green, the red head, clearly I had a crush on as a child, but on this rewatch...a new crush develops, stay tuned!

Also to make it completely about me, if this movie were to cast me in it, I'm 100% Mouth, complete with amazing Purple Rain t-shirt.  

So far...the kids are okay, I do have some concerns about them being scared later on, let's see how this goes!

The Truffle Shuffle as a kid was hilarious, as an adult with kids and sometimes feelings, I feel bad for the guy!  Just a kid...kind of overweight...having to do some demeaning dance in a huge movie.  

Chunk is a lawyer now in real life and skinny...so hopefully he's making some nice Goonies residuals and crushing at life.

The kids just laughed at the dick on the statue falling off.  I really hearty laugh at that...so far this is going well!

Brand (Josh Brolin) works out like mad constantly in this movie. Someday he will become Thanos and snap away half of the population.

New crush alert, Mikey's mom.  Over Andi for sure.  We'll get in to our Andi issues soon.

Is it Andy or Andy?  Oh well...you know who I'm talking about.

Corey Feldman making drug jokes to the housekeeper in retrospect...not surprised he knew so much about them.  

Hearty laugh number 2 by my kids, Mouth putting his tongue in the art work.  My wife even laughed hard.  I need to reconsider my humor with the kids ASAP.

Troy is an absolute fuck.  Attempted murder off the bat with Brand and trying to have his rearview mirror look under Andi's skirt, that mirror is for driver safety buddy!

I absolutely know who Troy grew up to vote for...I had to sneak one in, tell me when I'm telling lies though.  Which I never understood where we got where we did.  If you watch these movies, the bad guys are absolute horrible dipshit assholes.  And they now run the country.  Sigh.

Troy's dad is the absolute worst too.  It rains too much up there for golf anyway.

Side story, I've been to this town.  I have been in the pizza place where Chunk sees the police chase.  It is a dreary ass town.  

Back to the movie, Sloth is just introduced...that poor guy.  Where was child services!?  Instead of money to build a golf course, maybe take those funds elsewhere and help the Sloths' of the world.  He is literally CHAINED!

Also, if you have a doctor spouse, anything medical in a movie that is wrong she will bring up, today I learned Mikey uses that inhaler too much and he needs to be put on better meds.  They also shouldn't be living in that climate so maybe they should build the golf course.

Data is my favorite in this whole movie and I'm so glad he got a career resurgence later in life.  

Andi is wearing Troy's sweater but is constantly eye boning Brand.  Let's figure out her daddy issues ASAP.  Also her friend is prettier when her face isn't getting in the way (that's a quote from the movie don't jump on me!).  She's the nice friend who always gets ignored cuz her friend puts herself out more.  Character wise, in 10 years Andi has had 2 kids and is on husband number 2.  Stef is going to be a happily married doctor, whose spouse is someone like me...Mouth.

Troy is reading Guns & Ammo on the toilet.  Come on...IT'S RIGHT THERE!!!!

The fact these kids made it as far as they did is a miracle.  They are pulling strings out of the ground.  Narrowly missing booby (booty) traps.  Playing with dynamite.  I'm an 80's/90's kid...the best genre of people on the planet btw...we grew up tough, but playing with dynamite is a choice.

You know what else is a choice!?  Chains!?  Sloth is out of them now.  He's a good dude, RIP to the actor who played him after I just googled what he was up to.  

My absolute favorite scene in the movie.  They are going to leave via the wishing well...but Andi decides to stay behind.  Troy what he believes to be Andi up, but it is just his stupid coat she left behind...but here's the question.  HOW MUCH DOES HE THINK ANDI WEIGHS!?  Seriously!?  Is she like pounds to him!?  Come on...IT'S RIGHT THERE PEOPLE!

My kids are doing great.  My son only put a blanket over his head when Sloth was introduced, but he was fine with the bullet in the head of the freezer guy.  I have more questions than answers right now. 

My daughter LOVES pointing out how stupid these kids are.  I have heard her say "C'mon dude!" like 30 times...29 of them were warranted...Chunk deserved that ice cream.

The Fratteli's (band wise, go listen to The Frattelis - Chelsea Dagger).  Who screwed the mom.  Did she steal the kids?  If this was made now, we'd get a straight to streaming prequel within 6 months.  I want these answers.  

So, does Chunk's mom just accept that Sloth is going to live with them?  Is there room!?  Does he have night terrors?  What' is his age.  His IQ?  There's a lot of pain behind those misshapen eyes.  

The dad is so trusting of those jewels at the end he just rips up that contract.  Like, is he going to just pay off his debt in jewels!?  What's the exchange rate on Willie's gold!?

Andi is too comfortable making out with Brand in front of their parents.  You're still in high school...wait like 5 minutes.  Speaking of which she kisses Mikey earlier thinking he's Brand...no way, nuh uh, that girl knew what she was doing.  Fuck off Andi. 

Clearly the ship will be stopped by the government after this...there's no way that ship even gets remotely close to international waters.  They are taking all of that booty for themselves and the irony is they will use that money to spend even more to tear down all of their houses for an even bigger golf course loaded with Guns & Ammo magazines.  

And that's the Goonies!  We end with the bop by Cyndi Lauper - The Goonies R Good Enough.  That song is AMAZING and it has been in my head for 2 days since I watched the movie.  

The Goonies is still 5/5 on the movie scale. It's a classic.  The end.

I'm debating what to do for the next movie, but I am heavily debating Austin Powers or Star Wars. This was really fun so I'm definitely not taking 11 months to write another blog again.  

Jeff