Family Movie Night: The Goonies

 

The last time I did a blog was under a year ago...what's happened since then!?  Any news!?  I decided not to blog after, again, maybe 4-5 fully written blogs last year that just...sigh...we won't even get in to it.  I want to enjoy writing again and for now...this is the way.  

My last blog was Space Jam, so it only took a year for me to institute family movie night at my household and what better way to force feed my favorite movies growing up to my children then to start with the Goonies.  Also, man did I miss run-on sentences in my blogs!  I wanted to blog again, but not talk about current events or how I feel about them...so I'm just going to rewatch movies for a while with my kids and enjoy time.  

If you read my Space Jam review last year, you can skip to the next paragraph. If you didn't here is the piece (Space Jam), and here is the premise...I like to be super realistic about movies when I watch them.  It's for the comedy, I completely understand it's just a movie, but the Goonies literally takes place in one day and Chunk already asked Sloth to move in with his family after literally no interaction with him...he has been CHAINED!  Literally every movie you watch is like a week...tops (at some point I will review the absurdity of Star Wars...a 5/5 movie but it's like 3 days!).

So, let's start!  A top 10 all-time favorite movie of mine...The Goonies!

The movie begins just how all children's movies should start.  With a supposed suicide!  Hilarious!  I also love the two brothers are in so many other movies I grew up watching.  Robert Davi when I was a kid I legit thought was Ben Stiller...don't ask.  And Joe Pantoliano is a legend.  

Kerri Green, the red head, clearly I had a crush on as a child, but on this rewatch...a new crush develops, stay tuned!

Also to make it completely about me, if this movie were to cast me in it, I'm 100% Mouth, complete with amazing Purple Rain t-shirt.  

So far...the kids are okay, I do have some concerns about them being scared later on, let's see how this goes!

The Truffle Shuffle as a kid was hilarious, as an adult with kids and sometimes feelings, I feel bad for the guy!  Just a kid...kind of overweight...having to do some demeaning dance in a huge movie.  

Chunk is a lawyer now in real life and skinny...so hopefully he's making some nice Goonies residuals and crushing at life.

The kids just laughed at the dick on the statue falling off.  I really hearty laugh at that...so far this is going well!

Brand (Josh Brolin) works out like mad constantly in this movie. Someday he will become Thanos and snap away half of the population.

New crush alert, Mikey's mom.  Over Andi for sure.  We'll get in to our Andi issues soon.

Is it Andy or Andy?  Oh well...you know who I'm talking about.

Corey Feldman making drug jokes to the housekeeper in retrospect...not surprised he knew so much about them.  

Hearty laugh number 2 by my kids, Mouth putting his tongue in the art work.  My wife even laughed hard.  I need to reconsider my humor with the kids ASAP.

Troy is an absolute fuck.  Attempted murder off the bat with Brand and trying to have his rearview mirror look under Andi's skirt, that mirror is for driver safety buddy!

I absolutely know who Troy grew up to vote for...I had to sneak one in, tell me when I'm telling lies though.  Which I never understood where we got where we did.  If you watch these movies, the bad guys are absolute horrible dipshit assholes.  And they now run the country.  Sigh.

Troy's dad is the absolute worst too.  It rains too much up there for golf anyway.

Side story, I've been to this town.  I have been in the pizza place where Chunk sees the police chase.  It is a dreary ass town.  

Back to the movie, Sloth is just introduced...that poor guy.  Where was child services!?  Instead of money to build a golf course, maybe take those funds elsewhere and help the Sloths' of the world.  He is literally CHAINED!

Also, if you have a doctor spouse, anything medical in a movie that is wrong she will bring up, today I learned Mikey uses that inhaler too much and he needs to be put on better meds.  They also shouldn't be living in that climate so maybe they should build the golf course.

Data is my favorite in this whole movie and I'm so glad he got a career resurgence later in life.  

Andi is wearing Troy's sweater but is constantly eye boning Brand.  Let's figure out her daddy issues ASAP.  Also her friend is prettier when her face isn't getting in the way (that's a quote from the movie don't jump on me!).  She's the nice friend who always gets ignored cuz her friend puts herself out more.  Character wise, in 10 years Andi has had 2 kids and is on husband number 2.  Stef is going to be a happily married doctor, whose spouse is someone like me...Mouth.

Troy is reading Guns & Ammo on the toilet.  Come on...IT'S RIGHT THERE!!!!

The fact these kids made it as far as they did is a miracle.  They are pulling strings out of the ground.  Narrowly missing booby (booty) traps.  Playing with dynamite.  I'm an 80's/90's kid...the best genre of people on the planet btw...we grew up tough, but playing with dynamite is a choice.

You know what else is a choice!?  Chains!?  Sloth is out of them now.  He's a good dude, RIP to the actor who played him after I just googled what he was up to.  

My absolute favorite scene in the movie.  They are going to leave via the wishing well...but Andi decides to stay behind.  Troy what he believes to be Andi up, but it is just his stupid coat she left behind...but here's the question.  HOW MUCH DOES HE THINK ANDI WEIGHS!?  Seriously!?  Is she like pounds to him!?  Come on...IT'S RIGHT THERE PEOPLE!

My kids are doing great.  My son only put a blanket over his head when Sloth was introduced, but he was fine with the bullet in the head of the freezer guy.  I have more questions than answers right now. 

My daughter LOVES pointing out how stupid these kids are.  I have heard her say "C'mon dude!" like 30 times...29 of them were warranted...Chunk deserved that ice cream.

The Fratteli's (band wise, go listen to The Frattelis - Chelsea Dagger).  Who screwed the mom.  Did she steal the kids?  If this was made now, we'd get a straight to streaming prequel within 6 months.  I want these answers.  

So, does Chunk's mom just accept that Sloth is going to live with them?  Is there room!?  Does he have night terrors?  What' is his age.  His IQ?  There's a lot of pain behind those misshapen eyes.  

The dad is so trusting of those jewels at the end he just rips up that contract.  Like, is he going to just pay off his debt in jewels!?  What's the exchange rate on Willie's gold!?

Andi is too comfortable making out with Brand in front of their parents.  You're still in high school...wait like 5 minutes.  Speaking of which she kisses Mikey earlier thinking he's Brand...no way, nuh uh, that girl knew what she was doing.  Fuck off Andi. 

Clearly the ship will be stopped by the government after this...there's no way that ship even gets remotely close to international waters.  They are taking all of that booty for themselves and the irony is they will use that money to spend even more to tear down all of their houses for an even bigger golf course loaded with Guns & Ammo magazines.  

And that's the Goonies!  We end with the bop by Cyndi Lauper - The Goonies R Good Enough.  That song is AMAZING and it has been in my head for 2 days since I watched the movie.  

The Goonies is still 5/5 on the movie scale. It's a classic.  The end.

I'm debating what to do for the next movie, but I am heavily debating Austin Powers or Star Wars. This was really fun so I'm definitely not taking 11 months to write another blog again.  

Jeff