Overrated Foods: A Kleeman Report...Report

People get mad or offended now about the smallest things.  Yesterday I received a text from my friend Travis.



"True or false, chislic is completely overrated?"

Simple enough question, the answer, my opinion, is yes.  It's always overpriced.  It's not something that I would order, but if someone were to offer me a bite, yeah...sure.  But I'd do the same with toast, and toast is just...toast.



That doesn't mean it's bad.  That doesn't mean I dislike it.  It just means I don't enjoy it as much as most, and view it as a food that gets unneeded acclaim for being cut up steak (or lamb) with seasoning...

So of course I told Travis that I would make it my Facebook status...let's see what happens?  What happened?  I forgot we live in 2018, the era of everybody is offended by everything!  Yeah!  Great!  What started with a few funny memes, gifs, comments, etc, ultimately turned in to more.  I got texts!  Personal messages!  It was even turned political in one response (I shared an article about how South Dakota is making chislic the state snack, or "nosh" if you will... that's my state, always the important issues.  Not increasing teacher pay or anything else important.  Definitely nosh, that's what's important. Anyway a guy who is awful pushed to pass this bill...and it’s my fault for sharing that stupid article).  Hell, even one of my best friends (hi KAAAAAH) made a status that I, Jeff Kleeman, was overrated (which is actually really funny).

So of course I’m a glutton for punishment and I have decided to do a blog about the most overrated foods!  But I'm not going to make the choices, I'm just going to review them.  I’ve enlisted two people who love food as much as I do (no, not Ben Gutnik...next time Ben!). The previously mentioned Travis and our buddy Alan.



Meow, right ladies?

This blog will be much like my status. Super easy, not time consuming and sure to piss people off for no reason.

Here is the list from Travis and Alan. If you can correctly identify who picked what (there is one that was chosen by both) you will win the only Kleeman Report shirt in existence. Still up for grabs, years later.

Casey’s Pizza



A Midwest favorite. I personally love Casey’s pizza. This person does not (its Alan, one freebie). Greasy gas station pizza.  I believe he thinks it’s rubbery. And did I mention it’s from a gas station?

On a personal note, living in Sourh Dakota, it’s fun describing to people out of state that the most popular pizza is from a gas station, the most popular chicken is from Pizza Ranch...and you can only guess where the most popular hamburgers are...right?  Trick question, I have no clue. Personally around here?  Five Guys?

Ice Cream

The person who chose this is crazy but may have a point. I never go out of my way for ice cream. Every movie when a girl is dumped, straight to the ice cream, which is a lie in real life. And in the winter, the need for this is extinct. I get it.

Funnel Cake

John would be pissed if he actually read these blogs (just kidding, hi John!).  I do see why this was chosen. It’s not my thing. It’s just sugar on fried dough. If I’m at an amusement park the two things I’m getting...wow guys...seriously!?  The next two oddly.

Soft Pretzels

I love soft pretzels. I love cheese. I love salt. I oddly would’ve agreed with hard pretzels though. I'm not a big fan, they just aren't my thing.  The only good thing hard pretzels are for is this...



Corn Dogs

Dammit. I love corn dogs. I’m just gonna move along, but I’m not "chislic offended"...hey a new term!

Coffee

I used to be on this train. Coffee sucked...until it didn’t. It took me forever to like coffee, but now I like it. I’m not one those crazy coffee people, but it’s alright in my book.  Next!  Oh crap...

Bacon

Everyone loves bacon.  Everyone goes crazy over bacon.  The argument that both Alan and Travis had, is that every single person who likes bacon, they get a little too crazy about it.



Do you think that's what she's actually saying in that gif?  Maybe she loves Macon, GA?

Well anyway, bacon...overrated?  I can see it, but I'm currently eating bacon so.....

Boneless Chicken Wings

Are they wings or are they glorified chicken nuggets that you pay double for to not have the hassle of getting your fingers dirty and making the joke, "I ate the bone!"?



I actually agree with this selection.  I prefer normal wings anyway.  Bone and all.

Bloody Mary’s

I agree 100% with this selection, but I hate tomato juice.  Also places in bulk are dong "fun" things with Bloody Mary's.  You want a Bloody Mary with a hamburger?  Sure!  Bacon?  Yeah!  Hot dog and fries!?  Okay!



Just order a meal and get over your hangover like a normal person.  Also that photo is why the world hates the United States.

Disclaimer: The person who chose this also likes Bloody Mary's, but doesn't like all the crap in it, I just felt the need to add that piece of information, I'm not sure why?

Oreo’s

This was Travis.  Screw you Travis, you're wrong!  That's two hints!  Chislic offended.

This is Travis and I in better times...pre-Oreo diss.



Just to prove you can make anything political, Travis hates Oreos because he prefers Hydrox!!!  Just kidding, he prefers his in a Dairy Queen Blizzard, and a Blizzard only!!!



Krispy Kreme

The argument here is that mom and pop stores have better donuts, that is correct.  This goes with the chislic, in my opinion, because I like Krispy Kreme, but I'd much rather have a different brand.  Maybe one of those family run ones...or, oh I don't know...a Casey's donut!!!



Also I'm more upset at Krispy Kreme because they made the rapper change his name, not cool guys.



Red Velvet

It's just chocolate cake with red food coloring people!  Wake up!

Macaroni and Cheese

And the mot scandalous for last.  This was chosen because as soon as you're done with that first bite or two, is it still amazing?  After that, it's just cheese on noodle from this persons point of view.

The entire sentence above, I disagree with because I love mac and cheese, but I see the argument.  Maybe people should try to be more like that, amiright?  Instead of attacking someone because they say mac and cheese is overrated...or CHISLIC, maybe just look at their point of view, swallow your pride, and agree to disagree?

This person said that about Mac and Cheese, but some people may think that about Spaghetti.  I personally don't like bananas.  I know someone who doesn't like cheese on their burger...that's their decision.

The most attention a post has received on my Facebook wall in quite sometime, was an apparent attack on chislic (again, I said overrated, it's still decent), maybe the next blog will be about how most comment or react to a post about that, but don't comment or react to important topics like what's happening in the world right now, or fundraisers and donations for people who have something going on who need help?  It's an interesting topic, but no way in hell I'm touching that.

The next blog will be on my top 10 favorite Nintendo Entertainment System games...and Super Mario Bros. does not make the list.  Spoiler alert!



If you have any foods to share that you think are overrated, please do.  I want to know what people REALLY think about Party Pizza?  Hint?  I love it. 

Til next time...

Jeff Kleeman

Death Row Meal

Sitting at work today, my coworker made a joke about granola being his 17th favorite food.  Me, being quite quirky found that absolutely hilarious.  But it got me thinking, what are my 17 favorite foods?

Do I have 17 favorite foods?

I do!!!

So with my creative juices flowing I got to writing this down as soon as I could...when I got home.. right before we had dinner (supper to some of you).  So I was hungry (hangry to some of you).

Then my wife adds in, may as well say it's what you would eat for your last dinner.  So let's get this done.  In reverse order, my favorite foods.

17. Pinwheels

I was at a party once where I ate an entire row.  I'm not fat, but if I had stayed at this party, I think that would be a different story.

16. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups



I never said it had to be a meal.  It could be a snack, or a side, even a dessert.  Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are the best candy bar.  You can argue, it's fine.  I think you're wrong, it doesn't mean I'm right.

15. Soft pretzels with cheese

You know what I'm getting at a sporting event?  Soft pretzels.  I'm not gonna get a funnel cake (sorry John), or cotton candy (yuck).  I will get a beer, and what goes better with that than a salty pretzel with cheese!?

14. CT CRUUUUUUNCH (Cinnamon Toast Crunch)



Best cereal.  Ever.  I don't even know what I would say is the 2nd best cereal.  That's the disparity for me.

13. Crab stuffed mushrooms

Dooooood.  You know how good mushrooms are on everything?  You know how good crab is?  Cream cheese!?   Well add all that together and you get this.  It's amazing.  This makes it over pinwheels due to some past experiences I'd rather not share.

12. Grilled pineapple



If you read this blog regularly, you know I won a fantasy football tournament.  $100 a person, I won, I was broke.  I wanted to eat at this place called Brazilian Carnival.  They slice off meat in front of you, all kinds of meat.  But what did I like the most!?  The grilled freaking pineapple.  I gave the guy $5 to come back whenever I raised my hand.

11. Doritos (Nacho Cheese)



The best chip ever (Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips is a close 2nd).  If all I had was these and a delicious Dr. Pepper, I would be in heaven...and in cardiac arrest.

10. Peanut Butter Sandwich

That simple bro.  You get some creamy (not chunky, I'm not a savage!) peanut butter.  Get some bread, spread that sumbitch on, and boom, delicious.  Is 10 too high!?  I say it's not high enough, but there's stuff...that's higher.

9. Oreos

I wish Oreos would stop being stupid.  Stay away from double stuffed.  Stay away from candy corn, or S'mores, or vanilla.  Just good old fashioned Oreos, with some milk.  Oreos has caused some of the rare arguments in my household.

8. Chicken sandwiches



If I'm hungover there is only one thing I can stomach.  I love chicken sandwiches.  Just amazing.  Put some mayo on there.  Lettuce, tomato, cheese, no cheese, no tomato, no lettuce!?  Chicken on a freaking sandwich...amazing.

7. Sushi!



I would like to thank my friend Amber.  I graduated from college and had never attempted sushi.  My friend Eric and I (hi Ras!) decided to go with.  We went to a sushi place in Sioux City, IA, not the first place you'd think to go...and I ordered a few rolls, not really understanding what I was doing, then it happened.  Love.  All sushi, hence why I didn't put a specific roll, because it's all amazing.  We even saw Tori Black once getting sushi...I swear!

6. Spaghetti

You're in college and you don't have that much money, but want to eat something delicious that has amazing reheat value?!  Spaghetti.  You have a date and want to look like you kinda know what you're doing (even though she knows it's just spaghetti?), make spaghetti.  You like to eat spaghetti and want to make spaghetti for yourself?  Spaghetti!  Bottom line, spaghetti.

5. Crab rangoons



The last of the appetizers, but the best.  Crab rangoons could be used as currency.  Absolutely fantastic.

4. Steak - medium rare

I like steak.  I don't like steak well done.  I don't like it medium well, or even medium.  Hell I don't even mind it rare.  But I love me some medium rare steak.  Nothing on it, Ron Swanson style.  SO GOOD.

3. Cheeseburger



Does this need explanation?  It's cheese, on beef.  On a bun.  With assorted toppings of your choice.

Pop quiz, which fast food chain has the best burger.  Okay it's In N' Out, but what local fast food chain has the best burger?  You says Culvers Wisconsin Cheddar Burger, and you just won yourself a prize...to be determined at a later date and time.

2. Stuffed Crust Pizza

I love PIZZA!!!!  P I Z Z A!!!!

Pizza of all kinds is amazing, but the best kind, has cheese in the crust.  Pizza Hut you are brilliant.  It actually sounds so good I would order one now if we hadn't just ate.

DRUM-ROLL PLEASE!?!?!  What is my favorite food!?  What would be my "last" meal!?

1. Breakfast Burritos



I don't know when my love affair started happening with breakfast burritos.  But a few things on my love of this delicious food.

1. I make the best one.  It's one of the few foods I can make that are better than any restaurants, it's definitely better than anyone else's I've ever tried.

2. Ortega and sour cream, best combo since peanut butter and jelly.  Throw that on this, boom baby.

3. I once made a McGriddle style breakfast burrito.  Even at it's worst, it's one of the best things I've ever ate.

4. Best fast food breakfast burrito?  Taco John's.  Easily.  Sonic is up there, a place in Lincoln, NE has a chain called DeLeon's, that's good, hell if McDonald's brought back their massive burrito, even they would be on this list.  I know what I'm making this weekend.

Well that's it for this week!  Thanks for reading, sorry I've been gone, but it's been BUSY.  Figuring out my new job.  We're having a kid.  Speaking of which, look out for my blog Monday, as this Sunday we are having our reveal party.  What will it be!?!?!

Thanks for reading.

Jeff Kleeman

Random Things I Like

This is me, Jeff Kleeman.  So if you've been reading this blog for a while, either here or at the old site, you know that I like some "interesting" things.  If you don't know, well you are about to get quite the education on all things me.

Last night, I was involved in a group text, and the topic arose of random things I like, so it was decided I compile a list of 33 of my favorite things (since I'm 33 it makes sense). 

We'll keep it strictly related to random things, no actual people I know, if that's included, then the list gets tricky.  So let's get this party started!

1. Lists

2. "Sugar" by Trick Daddy (just a great song!)

3. Oreos (only dipped in milk, not the same without it)

4. Jim Harbaugh (best coach ever)



5. My lucha mask (if you haven't, do yourself a favor and watch Lucha Underground, thank me later!)


Come at me!

6. Dr. Pepper



7. The San Francisco 49'ers (god why do I like them!?)



8. Baseball transactions

9. My "Macho Man" Randy Savage figure

Oh yeah!

10. The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man


My wedding party

11. Mix CD's



12. My collection of NES/SNES games



13. Spider-Man

14. Socks


My actual wedding



Scottie Pippen socks?  Duh.







I have a serious problem

15. Elephants



16. 1990's NBA basketball players



17. Super Mario Bros.



18. The Rat Pack


The old Rat Pack

The new Rat Pack

19.  Drinking challenges where you win a prize



20. Whiskey

Mmmm Whiskey

21. Deadwood, South Dakota



22. Halloween

Half Iron Man/half Black Widow?

23. D-Days (my alma mater, the University of South Dakota's Homecoming celebration)





24. Buffets

25. University of Michigan college sports

I HATE Ohio St.

26. Netflix binges

27. Dance-offs



28.  Breakfast burritos

29.  The Bob Ross channel on Twitch



30.  Actual books (none of that Kindle crap!)

31.  Quoting things



32.  Watching infomercials (they are just so oddly addicting for me)

33.  Finishing blogs (it's such a relief when it's done!)

Thanks for reading everyone!  Next week will have Part 2 of movies that should be remade and back to the Nintendo Challenge (for those new to this site, I play old Nintendo games...horribly, then review them). 

Til next time...

Jeff Kleeman

Me and the lady

PS If you know me and think I forgot something, well go crazy, but keep it PG.  Clearly there are some things I didn't put on here, more so opposite sex related.  But, if it was me 20 years ago, the entire list would've only been pictures of Kathy Ireland, clearly.

Yowza!