Aaron Pew is back to tell YOU who he THINKS are the top 32 current NFL quarterbacks.
I was talking with Mr. Pew (one of like 4 people who still talk to me on the phone out of our group of friends, texting is more convenient, I GET IT!) and we were discussing Chris Simms best quarterback list, which was hot garbage.
What makes Chris Simms more qualified than Pew to make a "best of" quarterback list? Chris was an above average college quarterback. Pew was an above average college drinker. Chris played for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and SUCKED. Pew roots for the Minnesota Vikings who currently don't SUCK. Simms is a douche who is only where he is because of his above average NFL quarterbacks dads genetics and is last name. Pew is not a douche and is ALSO where he is at because of genetics and his last name. Both qualified.
We've been in anticipation of this for a week now so let's get started, but first, a message from Mr. Aaron Pew:
It’s the off-season and that means that idiots like me get to make bold predictions and act like we know what we’re talking about. I’ve decided to be one of the idiots that makes lists. This list? It’s the top 32 Quarterbacks in the NFL right now.
I comprised this list with now in mind. Meaning, I’m not looking too much into career stats…unless I feel like making a biased point about my beliefs. I’m also not looking into the future…meaning, I’m not going to hold it against Tom Brady for being 63 years old. I’m also not giving special advantages to stupid rookies for having a long shelf life. Who is the best QB next year? That’s what I’m listing. So, without further ado…here’s my list:
Thanks Pew, and I, Jeff Kleeman, will interject my thoughts with my usual (this...but in bold!). Enjoy!
32. Mitchell Trubisky
This guy…this guy could be good. Unless he can’t. I have no idea, to be honest. I’ve watched a couple of his games this year…two against the Vikings and one other game. He didn’t look good. At all. The games where people thought he showed promise were still average at best, thus my ranking at 32. He is going into his second year, and we all thought Jared Goff was done after year one, so…
31. Tyrod Taylor
A poor man’s Michael Vick. Taylor can’t win with a good team around him…he’s perfect for any team that wants to be good enough to miss out on top players in the draft, but bad enough to miss the playoffs all the time. Now, however, he is on the Browns…so…I give him 4 games before his appendix bursts on the field and he dies. Poor Browns fans…
A poor man’s Michael Vick. Taylor can’t win with a good team around him…he’s perfect for any team that wants to be good enough to miss out on top players in the draft, but bad enough to miss the playoffs all the time. Now, however, he is on the Browns…so…I give him 4 games before his appendix bursts on the field and he dies. Poor Browns fans…
30. Ryan Tannehill
Why did I start with the bad QBs? I feel so negative. Tannehill was once considered a rising star, but he didn’t live up to the hype…plus he burned me that one time in fantasy football. Coming off of an injury, it’s hard to say what we will see from him, but it probably won’t be as good as the average QB he used to be…so…bad. (I like Tannehill, but yeah...rough stretch ahead)
29. Joe Flacco
Flacco probably doesn’t deserve to be this low on the list, but he kind of falls into the Tyrod Taylor camp…except he won a super bowl. He’s obviously better than Marino, right? Wrong. Flacco won because of an elite defense and talent around him on offense. He’s talented enough to win some games, but the Ravens won’t be going to the Super Bowl or probably even the playoffs any time soon if Flacco is their QB. (He didn't make the "elite" joke...Flacco is about as elite as Trump being a good president, hahaha I had to put a politics joke somewhere, right?)
Flacco probably doesn’t deserve to be this low on the list, but he kind of falls into the Tyrod Taylor camp…except he won a super bowl. He’s obviously better than Marino, right? Wrong. Flacco won because of an elite defense and talent around him on offense. He’s talented enough to win some games, but the Ravens won’t be going to the Super Bowl or probably even the playoffs any time soon if Flacco is their QB. (He didn't make the "elite" joke...Flacco is about as elite as Trump being a good president, hahaha I had to put a politics joke somewhere, right?)
28. Patrick Mahomes
Hype. More hype. Mahomes might be Carson Wentz 2.0, but I just haven’t seen it yet. Plus, I’m not a Chiefs fan, so I’m pessimistic. I think he’ll be good, just not yet. The Chiefs will miss Alex Smith this year at some point.
Hype. More hype. Mahomes might be Carson Wentz 2.0, but I just haven’t seen it yet. Plus, I’m not a Chiefs fan, so I’m pessimistic. I think he’ll be good, just not yet. The Chiefs will miss Alex Smith this year at some point.
27. Teddy Bridgewater
TEDDY! TEDDY! TEDDY! Mr. Two Gloves won’t be on the Vikings next year, but I feel like he’ll always be one of my favorite players. Even being a fan, I have to admit that he isn’t going to carry a team to a Super Bowl. Teddy needs pieces around him, and he’d be smart to go to a team like Arizona and play with their good offensive pieces.
TEDDY! TEDDY! TEDDY! Mr. Two Gloves won’t be on the Vikings next year, but I feel like he’ll always be one of my favorite players. Even being a fan, I have to admit that he isn’t going to carry a team to a Super Bowl. Teddy needs pieces around him, and he’d be smart to go to a team like Arizona and play with their good offensive pieces.
26. Nick Foles
Sun, meet dogs ass. I’m bitter. I’ll admit it (Again, Pew is a Vikings fan, the Eagles may have crushed the Vikings in the NFC championship game). Did anybody see how terrible Foles was in every game he played in until the NFC Championship? WTF. Foles can be a successful QB in the NFL, but for now he’ll remain the backup in Philadelphia. This time next year, he’ll make the Broncos a very happy team.
Sun, meet dogs ass. I’m bitter. I’ll admit it (Again, Pew is a Vikings fan, the Eagles may have crushed the Vikings in the NFC championship game). Did anybody see how terrible Foles was in every game he played in until the NFC Championship? WTF. Foles can be a successful QB in the NFL, but for now he’ll remain the backup in Philadelphia. This time next year, he’ll make the Broncos a very happy team.
25. Jameis Winston
Fameis Jameis. See what I did there? (We did!!!) Winston can make all of the throws and he’s still getting better, so who knows…maybe he’ll become a top 10 QB next year. I get the feeling that he lacks the same passion and leadership that many of the QBs I have listed ahead of him.
Fameis Jameis. See what I did there? (We did!!!) Winston can make all of the throws and he’s still getting better, so who knows…maybe he’ll become a top 10 QB next year. I get the feeling that he lacks the same passion and leadership that many of the QBs I have listed ahead of him.
24. Marcus Mariota (Is this too low for Mariota!? Discuss!)
Man this guy is up and down. It feels like more down than up, but the guy has the fire. He regressed last year when everybody expected him to take off, but he still has a lot of potential. At any rate, he’s going to need to do much better than 3200 yards and he should try to throw more touchdowns than interceptions. Just a thought…
Man this guy is up and down. It feels like more down than up, but the guy has the fire. He regressed last year when everybody expected him to take off, but he still has a lot of potential. At any rate, he’s going to need to do much better than 3200 yards and he should try to throw more touchdowns than interceptions. Just a thought…
23. Cam Newton (Wow, same comment as above with Mariota!)
Why does everybody love this guy so damn much? Has anybody ever watched him throw a football? It’s ugly. If this were a list of top running backs in the NFL, I’d probably list him in the top 10, but as a quarterback…not great at all. He’s eclipsed 60% completion percentage once in his career…once. The last time I checked, completing passes is a vital part of being a quarterback. Obviously, Newton is a tough matchup with his size and running ability, but beyond that, he just wears weird shit after the game.
Why does everybody love this guy so damn much? Has anybody ever watched him throw a football? It’s ugly. If this were a list of top running backs in the NFL, I’d probably list him in the top 10, but as a quarterback…not great at all. He’s eclipsed 60% completion percentage once in his career…once. The last time I checked, completing passes is a vital part of being a quarterback. Obviously, Newton is a tough matchup with his size and running ability, but beyond that, he just wears weird shit after the game.
22. Jimmy Garoppolo (I DISAGREE!!! At least top 15...I'm not that big of a homer, maybe I am, go 9'ers)
This feels to high, but what the hell. Have you seen how white his teeth are? Or is that just a great tan? His career completion percentage is 67.3% and he threw for 1,560 yards and 7 tds in 12 games. That’s basically 3500 yards and 20 tds in a full season. For an inexperienced qb, pretty good. But…small sample size. So, that is why he is where he is.
This feels to high, but what the hell. Have you seen how white his teeth are? Or is that just a great tan? His career completion percentage is 67.3% and he threw for 1,560 yards and 7 tds in 12 games. That’s basically 3500 yards and 20 tds in a full season. For an inexperienced qb, pretty good. But…small sample size. So, that is why he is where he is.
21. Eli Manning
Eli performs when it counts. But he doesn’t perform the rest of the time. He has a career completion percentage of 59.8%, and he’s thrown 228 interceptions. Ouch. Still, the guy has two Super Bowl's so everybody loves him.
Eli performs when it counts. But he doesn’t perform the rest of the time. He has a career completion percentage of 59.8%, and he’s thrown 228 interceptions. Ouch. Still, the guy has two Super Bowl's so everybody loves him.
20. Andy Dalton
Is he good or is he not? I can’t figure it out. He seems to have loaded talent every year, but can’t do enough with it. Plus, he looks like Sid from Toy Story grew up. He’s 62.3% completion percentage for his career, which isn’t terrible, but not great. He seems like he’s in that Joe Flacco or Tyrod Taylor territory. I’d also call is Jay Cutler syndrome…too good to get a high pick, but too bad to really be worth it.
Is he good or is he not? I can’t figure it out. He seems to have loaded talent every year, but can’t do enough with it. Plus, he looks like Sid from Toy Story grew up. He’s 62.3% completion percentage for his career, which isn’t terrible, but not great. He seems like he’s in that Joe Flacco or Tyrod Taylor territory. I’d also call is Jay Cutler syndrome…too good to get a high pick, but too bad to really be worth it.
19. Blake Bortles (dear lord, too high? Just right? Discuss!?)
This seems wrong, but I think he finally gets it. In the big games this year, Bortles performed. His stats are alright, and I think he finally has respect of his team. The jury is still out, but the Jaguars obviously have enough faith in him to sign him long term. I think he needs a good supporting cast, but he has one…so at least he has that going for him.
This seems wrong, but I think he finally gets it. In the big games this year, Bortles performed. His stats are alright, and I think he finally has respect of his team. The jury is still out, but the Jaguars obviously have enough faith in him to sign him long term. I think he needs a good supporting cast, but he has one…so at least he has that going for him.
18. Jared Goff
JARED GOFF IS NOT AS GOOD AS EVERYBODY THINKS (agreed). He has to have his coach babysit him until 15 seconds left on the play clock just to read the damn defense…c’mon man! When he plays average or bad defenses, he’ll light them up, but when he plays top tier defenses (watch his game against the Vikings), he gets embarrassed. Jared Goff should read a fucking book!
JARED GOFF IS NOT AS GOOD AS EVERYBODY THINKS (agreed). He has to have his coach babysit him until 15 seconds left on the play clock just to read the damn defense…c’mon man! When he plays average or bad defenses, he’ll light them up, but when he plays top tier defenses (watch his game against the Vikings), he gets embarrassed. Jared Goff should read a fucking book!
17. Sam Bradford
Bradford is a really good quarterback. I said it. He is. Buuuutttttt….injuries. Bradford is also as fragile as my chances of hooking up with Jennifer Aniston. Seriously…what the hell. If Bradford could stay healthy and stays off of teams associates with Jeff Fischer or Chip Kelly, he’d be in the top 10. I said it.
Bradford is a really good quarterback. I said it. He is. Buuuutttttt….injuries. Bradford is also as fragile as my chances of hooking up with Jennifer Aniston. Seriously…what the hell. If Bradford could stay healthy and stays off of teams associates with Jeff Fischer or Chip Kelly, he’d be in the top 10. I said it.
(Can we talk about Pew's hall pass really quick? Am I the only one that hates Jennifer Aniston? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! And if you're thinking of her character on Friends, she's 10x worse if that's what you're basing it on. I HATE HER! Team Cox, Team Jolie...I still should do that Hall Pass blog, but I can't...yet)
16. Derek Carr
What a disappointment. Carr obviously has a bright future, but last year was not bright. How much more firepower can a guy ask for? He had one of the best receiver duos in the league, a top 5 offensive line, and Marshawn Lynch in the backfield. He regressed. The good news for him? He now gets to play for Chucky. Expect big things for Carr this year.
What a disappointment. Carr obviously has a bright future, but last year was not bright. How much more firepower can a guy ask for? He had one of the best receiver duos in the league, a top 5 offensive line, and Marshawn Lynch in the backfield. He regressed. The good news for him? He now gets to play for Chucky. Expect big things for Carr this year.
15. Case Keenum (THERE IT IS!!! THE REACH!)
I feel like I’m reaching here. I feel like I’m biased. Then again, I don’t think I am. The stigma out there is that he is a one hit wonder. I don’t think he is. Now, if he goes to the Jets this year, he might be terrible, but if he is surrounded with some nice pieces, he’ll be a good QB for a while to come. His stats aren’t bad, but a rating this high comes from swagger…moxy…and huge balls. Keenum played almost flawless football for most of the season and he got better with every game…until he didn’t, and the Vikings sucked dick. Call me a homer…I’ll call you an idiot.
I feel like I’m reaching here. I feel like I’m biased. Then again, I don’t think I am. The stigma out there is that he is a one hit wonder. I don’t think he is. Now, if he goes to the Jets this year, he might be terrible, but if he is surrounded with some nice pieces, he’ll be a good QB for a while to come. His stats aren’t bad, but a rating this high comes from swagger…moxy…and huge balls. Keenum played almost flawless football for most of the season and he got better with every game…until he didn’t, and the Vikings sucked dick. Call me a homer…I’ll call you an idiot.
14. Alex Smith
Captain Check Down? Who gives a shit. This guy has performed more often than he hasn’t. Smith is the perfect QB for a team with a good defense. He eats time with all of his 2 yard passes, and he can put up points. He also threw for over 4,000 yards last year and threw 26 TDs. 5 interceptions? Sign me up. I’d take Smith on my team any day.
Captain Check Down? Who gives a shit. This guy has performed more often than he hasn’t. Smith is the perfect QB for a team with a good defense. He eats time with all of his 2 yard passes, and he can put up points. He also threw for over 4,000 yards last year and threw 26 TDs. 5 interceptions? Sign me up. I’d take Smith on my team any day.
13. Dak Prescott
I don’t really understand why I rated him this high. He’s performed pretty well, but lets not fool ourselves. The Cowboys aren’t winning games because of Dak. That’s got Zeke written all over it. Still, he has really good completion percentage, averages 3,500 yards, and threw only 17 Int in his first two seasons. I don’t like it, but I guess I’m on board. If I’m being completely honest, tho, I’m just lazy and I don’t want to rearrange this list now.
I don’t really understand why I rated him this high. He’s performed pretty well, but lets not fool ourselves. The Cowboys aren’t winning games because of Dak. That’s got Zeke written all over it. Still, he has really good completion percentage, averages 3,500 yards, and threw only 17 Int in his first two seasons. I don’t like it, but I guess I’m on board. If I’m being completely honest, tho, I’m just lazy and I don’t want to rearrange this list now.
12. DeShawn Watson (Too high in my opinion, but this is Pew's list...but damn Pew, TOO HIGH!
This guy played like 3 games, but dude…DUDE! He looked awesome. It is such a small sample size, but I’m all in. Yes, this has everything to do with him winning me games in fantasy football. OK, not everything, but a lot…still the guy is a lot of fun to watch. I’m excited to see how he is next year.
11. Phillip Rivers
He’s a douchebag, (HE IS A DOUCHE) but he’s good. He carries that team on a regular basis and he gets no credit for it. Full disclaimer, he isn’t really a douchebag…he seems like a nice guy in real like, but he’s a tool on the field. Still, really good.
He’s a douchebag, (HE IS A DOUCHE) but he’s good. He carries that team on a regular basis and he gets no credit for it. Full disclaimer, he isn’t really a douchebag…he seems like a nice guy in real like, but he’s a tool on the field. Still, really good.
10. Kirk Cousins (future Viking, but appropriately rated)
Kirk Cousins is statistically a top 5 QB. The only reason I didn’t rate him higher is because you would all yell at me. I’m very sensitive. The knock against Cousins is that he isn’t a winner. I think the knock on him is that he played for the fucking Redskins. Christ. That team. Give the guy some running game and decent defense, and he’ll carry the rest of the team. Also, I have him in fantasy…and he’s probably going to the Vikings.
Kirk Cousins is statistically a top 5 QB. The only reason I didn’t rate him higher is because you would all yell at me. I’m very sensitive. The knock against Cousins is that he isn’t a winner. I think the knock on him is that he played for the fucking Redskins. Christ. That team. Give the guy some running game and decent defense, and he’ll carry the rest of the team. Also, I have him in fantasy…and he’s probably going to the Vikings.
9. Andrew Luck
The sad part about Luck is that he’s on a terrible team…imagine if he was on the Falcons! I think there have to be serious concerns about his health, which is why I rated him as low as I did. He’s really good, but he didn’t play at all last year, he missed 9 games in 2015…I just don’t know. On the plus side, he looks just like Kyle Jensen, which makes me think happy thoughts all the time when I watch him play.
The sad part about Luck is that he’s on a terrible team…imagine if he was on the Falcons! I think there have to be serious concerns about his health, which is why I rated him as low as I did. He’s really good, but he didn’t play at all last year, he missed 9 games in 2015…I just don’t know. On the plus side, he looks just like Kyle Jensen, which makes me think happy thoughts all the time when I watch him play.
8. Matthew Stafford
Without Matthew Stafford, the Lions would still be the Lions of old. Stafford single handedly wins like 7 games each year, and they usually only win 8 games, so that’s impressive. Even though I hate the guy, I have to respect him. He can come back from anything…except herpes. Nobody can come back from that.
Without Matthew Stafford, the Lions would still be the Lions of old. Stafford single handedly wins like 7 games each year, and they usually only win 8 games, so that’s impressive. Even though I hate the guy, I have to respect him. He can come back from anything…except herpes. Nobody can come back from that.
7. Russell Wilson (I hate this guy...so much, but he's here, if not higher, for sure)
When I look at the Vikings opponents each year, Russell Wilson in the quarterback that stresses me out the most. He doesn’t go down. He can turn a shit play into a miracle at any time. Plus he can actually throw the ball. He is Cam Newton if Cam Newton knew how to throw a football. Cam Newton is not a good quarterback (Pew HATES Cam Newton).
When I look at the Vikings opponents each year, Russell Wilson in the quarterback that stresses me out the most. He doesn’t go down. He can turn a shit play into a miracle at any time. Plus he can actually throw the ball. He is Cam Newton if Cam Newton knew how to throw a football. Cam Newton is not a good quarterback (Pew HATES Cam Newton).
6. Ben Roethlisberger
Big Ben has had a much better career than people realize. He’s thrown 329 TDs; thrown for 51,065 yards, and his completion percentage is 64.1%. Damn. He’s still really good, even though he struggled last year. Everybody talked about how terrible he was this year, but…he threw for 4,251 yards, 28 td, and 14 ints. Shoot. I think 12 interceptions of those were in one game against the Jaguars, so that’s pretty good. As soon as he retires, the Steelers (and all Antonio Brown fantasy owners) are screwed.
Big Ben has had a much better career than people realize. He’s thrown 329 TDs; thrown for 51,065 yards, and his completion percentage is 64.1%. Damn. He’s still really good, even though he struggled last year. Everybody talked about how terrible he was this year, but…he threw for 4,251 yards, 28 td, and 14 ints. Shoot. I think 12 interceptions of those were in one game against the Jaguars, so that’s pretty good. As soon as he retires, the Steelers (and all Antonio Brown fantasy owners) are screwed.
5. Matt Ryan
Matt Ryan has thrown over 4,000 yards in 7 consecutive seasons…7. 7! 5 of those 7 were over 4,500. He has a 64.9% completion percentage. If he had won that Super Bowl against the Patriots, he’d be Aaron Rodgers. Seriously, ya’ll, he’s really good. Any team that has Matt Ryan on it, will have a chance to win it all.
Matt Ryan has thrown over 4,000 yards in 7 consecutive seasons…7. 7! 5 of those 7 were over 4,500. He has a 64.9% completion percentage. If he had won that Super Bowl against the Patriots, he’d be Aaron Rodgers. Seriously, ya’ll, he’s really good. Any team that has Matt Ryan on it, will have a chance to win it all.
4. Carson Wentz (I'm a big Wentz fan as well)
The sample size is still small, but the guys has an insanely bright future. He was the MVP of the league…errrr, he would have been if he didn’t get injured. He’s young, so I’m confident he won’t have a setback. He can beat a team any way, and he’s already showed it.
The sample size is still small, but the guys has an insanely bright future. He was the MVP of the league…errrr, he would have been if he didn’t get injured. He’s young, so I’m confident he won’t have a setback. He can beat a team any way, and he’s already showed it.
3. Aaron Rodgers
Last year was rough for the Packers. Not only did they lose Rodgers, they also lost their shoulder to cry on…get it? Rodgers is great…like really good. Without Rodgers, the Packers are the Lions without Stafford. Did you follow that? They inspire fear in nobody. They almost lost to the Browns. I don’t need to throw stats at you, you know Rodgers is really good. I rated him below two other QBs, though, because he’s rather fragile. He’s had major injuries in a few separate seasons…tough to know how that will hold up.
Last year was rough for the Packers. Not only did they lose Rodgers, they also lost their shoulder to cry on…get it? Rodgers is great…like really good. Without Rodgers, the Packers are the Lions without Stafford. Did you follow that? They inspire fear in nobody. They almost lost to the Browns. I don’t need to throw stats at you, you know Rodgers is really good. I rated him below two other QBs, though, because he’s rather fragile. He’s had major injuries in a few separate seasons…tough to know how that will hold up.
2. Drew Brees
If you need proof of what Brees can do in a game, just watch the second half of the Divisional Round game against the Vikings. He sliced and diced that defense and won the game 3 times…until he didn’t. HA! Brees isn’t talked about in the G.O.A.T. conversation like Manning, Brady, etc., but he should be.
If you need proof of what Brees can do in a game, just watch the second half of the Divisional Round game against the Vikings. He sliced and diced that defense and won the game 3 times…until he didn’t. HA! Brees isn’t talked about in the G.O.A.T. conversation like Manning, Brady, etc., but he should be.
1. Tom Brady
FINE! He’s the G.O.A.T. I submit. He just keeps on going. Regardless of your thoughts on his placement all time, I can’t think of a better option for a team to have right now. He’s the reigning MVP, he completed 66.3% of his passes and threw for 4,577 yards & 32 TD’s. Also, he’s married to a supermodel. I know, I know…we all hate him. I’m with you. Above all that, I have to admit that he’s the best in the game right now.
FINE! He’s the G.O.A.T. I submit. He just keeps on going. Regardless of your thoughts on his placement all time, I can’t think of a better option for a team to have right now. He’s the reigning MVP, he completed 66.3% of his passes and threw for 4,577 yards & 32 TD’s. Also, he’s married to a supermodel. I know, I know…we all hate him. I’m with you. Above all that, I have to admit that he’s the best in the game right now.
Well, there it is. The list. I know I have a lot of quarterbacks in spots a lot of you wouldn’t, but that’s the beauty of this. None of it matters! Isn’t that great?! What do you think of the list? Let me know in the comments. Thanks! - Aaron Pew
Oh hey, it's me, Jeff, I'm back. Thanks for reading! As Aaron John Pew said, if you disagree, agree, or just gree...feel free to comment here, or on the FB page, we'd love to see you argue with Pew, okay, well I would love to see you argue with Pew.
Coming tomorrow, word associate with Brian Opp and a classic re-post of our first word associate with Alex Baker. Thanks for reading!
Jeff Kleeman
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