The Kleeman Report

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

The Mind of a 49'ers Fan



Blogging on the opening game for my beloved San Francisco 49'ers, the best 32nd ranked NFL team ever!?  Yes, so jump in to my mind during a 49'ers game.  When they suck.

9:12  And now, the game nobody really wants to watch at the end of a long football weekend.  That's my team!  Go 9'ers!!!!

9:13  Love, Steve Young on commentary.  Hate, Chris Berman on commentary.  I can never fully win, also...Berman's ties.  Yikes.

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I hate Berman because he seems like such a douche.  Then I read a few things that makes me know he's a douche.  His only saving grace is he's a 9ers fan.

9:14  It took two minutes to bring up the backup quarterback does not stand during the national anthem.  Here's my take, who cares?  I have a lot of military friends, I see the point of being upset with him...but...free country, they fought for his right to do it.  He's not hurting anybody.  And a lot of us definitely can't relate to how people of a different race feel...so there's that.

And trust me, before you say I love Kaepernick, everyone who knows me, knows how much I hate Kaepernick.  Really ever since this...

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9:15  THE ANTHEM ISN'T EVEN BEING SUNG!!!!  Probably a Trump supporter or idiot complaining.

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9:17  Fun fact, I won Lindsey Stirling tickets when I lived in Lincoln.  I won them so a mom could surprise her daughter because that was her favorite artist.  So that's cool.  Also she's kinda cute.

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She's 29!?!

9:19  Again I don't hate Kaepernick for doing what he believes in, I hate Kaepernick for getting my hopes up that a new dynasty was upon the 49'ers and now they suck.  That's now two reasons I hate him.

9:20  This time last year I was at that stadium.  With their crap black jersey.  GET SOME GOLD ON IT!  Then it will make sense.

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9:21 Goff being third string makes me think he's a white JaMarcus Russell.  Watch out for the sizzurp.  And the weight gain.

9:22  I feel the 9'ers defense will legit be decent.  The offense, yet to be seen.

9:23  Okay maybe I spoke too soon.

9:24  Case Keenum looks like Kurt Warner right now.  If Kurt Warner wasn't good.

9:26  Every time I clap, my dog thinks he can come up on the couch.  He is not allowed on the couch. Quick side story, his name, sometimes, is Frank Gore.  So imagine how confused he used to be.

9:28  Let the Blaine Gabbert era begin.

9:29  For old times sake "YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HYDE!"

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He is like a new Frank Gore.  Patient

9:30  If Torrey Smith wants to be the #1 wide receiver, he has to legit catch an easy pass.

9:31  I just got excited about a complete pass.  Tough times are upon us this year.

9:31 And punting...

9:32  That "On the Way Up" promo for ESPN Sunday Countdown...was the whitest thing I've ever seen.... and that was with Moss and Woodson being included.

9:34  I only fear Todd Gurley on this team, no one else.

9:35  Best logo in the NFL and jersey goes to my team, the 49'ers, I don't care.  I can see a Packers or Cowboys argument, but that would be invalid.  I'm unbiased as they come.

9:36  My team employs Jeremy Kerley, I am sadly happy about that.

9:38  Jerry Rice right now, would be the number 2 wide receiver on the 49ers.  Not even kidding.

9:40  Best offensive weapon is Gabbert running for his life up the middle.  Worst offensive weapon, missing Jeremy Kerley on a for sure TD.

9:41  Again, run to the middle.  First down.  This keeps up he's going to have the single game rushing record for a quarterback.

9:42  I'm kidding, but seriously, it's been every f'ing play that's gotten any yards.

9:42   Garrett Celek drop.  Go figure.

9:44  YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HYDE!!!!  Touchdown.

9:46  Phil Dawson, just a fan of that guy.

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9:48  Jeff Fischer is the most average coach ever.  He is who that girl settles with, you know, the attractive girl, she's got a good job, but her dude cheated on her, so she gets a guy who won't leave her ever, but will never amount to anything...that's Jeff Fischer.  It used to be David Arquette.

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9:50  It will never get worse than J.T. O' Sullivan.  That 49'ers era was so bad.

9:51  A completion!

9:54  Tan Hyde!

9:56  When did ESPN become super lame?  Was it when Dan Patrick left!?  When the NFL essentially got control of them?  When they fired Bill Simmons?

9:59  Worst 4th down attempt ever.

10:00  Momentum killer.

10:07  Thanks Todd Gurley!

10:08  Pick!!!!!!!!

10:11  A knee interception!

10:12  A text from my buddy Brett "Bowman just intercepted that with his D*#K"

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10:13  Fourth down conversion!!!!

10:14  Every time Hyde falls to the ground I hold my breath

10:15 The line is looking good on both sides.  What is this?  2014?

10:16 Third down?  Welp, just run to the middle.

10:16  Shaun Draughn...TD!!!  Wait, Shaun Draughn TOUCHDOWN!?

10:20  The defense looks good.  I can't get over this.  Hope I didn't jinx them.

10:21  I jinxed them.

10:23  Jimmie Ward sighting!

10:27  Hyde ruining my fantasy hopes of winning my game.  And I'm fine with that!

10:29  Kerley is doing well?  Oh crap, was there a fumble?

10:30  Damn you Shaun Draughn!!!

10:34  Two minute warning, 14-0 San Fran.  I like it.

10:39  Berman tries to hide how much of a 9ers homer he is.  It makes me kind of bond with him, even though I hate him.  It's those ties....

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10:43  A time out with over 20 seconds left in the half?  What is this!?  Madden!?

10:50  I dislike how the half has begun.  I fear this lead being given up.

10:55  Whew!  Punt.  The quote of the first half, where I thankfully took a break from blogging was Herm Edwards saying, "The Rams offense has set back NFL offenses 50 years".

11:04  So you can barely tap a quarterback and it's a huge penalty.  Touch a punt returner after he catches it, which is a penalty, and no call.  NFL refs are the worst.

11:13  I see why Hekker is the number one punter.

11:16  This game is going to be a big let's run the clock out starting in the 3rd quarter kinda game.

11:17  Third and 10...and now 4th and 10.  Great...

11:19  Home Sweet Home is just an amazing song.  Seriously.


11:21  I think the only offense that may be worse than San Francisco's... is Los Angeles.

11:22  You're fine St. Louis.  You lost nothing.  Keep quiet for a bit and you can get the Jags or someone else in a few years, right?  Steal another franchise.  Then get mad when they move again in 20 years.

11:22  No penalties!?  Tomsula is definitely not coaching this team.

11:23  I bet the punters are tired of punting - my wife.  She's right.

11:28  Another punt, a good return.  Scared team may self destruct.

11:38  This game is going too long and allergies are making me not loving life.  Powering to stay awake, may not last much longer.  Especially with punt city.

11:45  Touchdown, 21-0.  Wow.  What in the living hell.

11:49  Wow, totally almost fell asleep and heard a fan ran on the field.  Lame.  You want attention just sit down for the national anthem...

11:55  Well I think my team is gonna win.  You know what this means!?  31st best team in the league babaaaaay!

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9:12  Awoke on my sick day to see 28-0 final score.  Solid.  Some thoughts.  Late night Monday Night Football games suck when you're past 30, especially when you don't feel good.  The 9ers defense looked great, which is good, BUT they played the Rams.  The offense put up 28, against a Rams defense that looked shockingly out of sync.  I still hate Baalke but maybe his moves may work out.  I REALLY hate York, but that's because of his privilege.  But Chip Kelly!?  Love him.  Might name my kid after him if he keeps this up.  And Navarro Bowman is the absolute best.

9:13  With that being said, the 49'ers look like they COULD win maybe 7 games...but I thought the same last year when they walloped the Vikings.  So we'll see by mid-season.  Hoping at least 7 wins, then moving back up the next few years.  Thanks for reading.
Jeff Kleeman

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