Dad Bod

I'm back!  It's been a good week since I wrote a blog, due to a combo of things.  Stranger Things and The Night Of took over our nights, both are must see shows if you haven't started either.  Adult life always seems to make time fly by.  The new job is going...well it's going.  My cousin came in from Chicago to go to his ex's wedding, so I got to see him a few nights and I'm trying to get in shape at the gym to try and stave off "dad bod" for as long as I can.



Speaking of which, the reason for today's blog, and many others that will be following this, I'm gonna be a dad!  And not only that, for you readers who visit the blog but don't actually know me, I am going to be having a girl (well my wife is, I just kinda helped make it).  What do I think about having a girl?

Freaking excited!  It is going to be awesome and I can't wait.  I keep hearing how being a parent is life changing, and things will never be the same, and that's great.  So I thought for today's blog, I would write some random thoughts I have on things that have happened so far and things that will/may/hopefully won't happen.

So far, the funniest thing I've noticed, especially since we're having a girl, are all the people offering up the services of their children for marriage, most of which their sons can't even say the alphabet yet.  It has made me think that arranged marriages may start coming back in a big way.  Think about the possibilities!

Holidays with your best friends, awesome.  Who doesn't want that!?  And if they are your friends, the kids will more than likely to grow up somewhat normal.  So I don't have to worry about my daughter dating a jerk.  Also awesome.

Another thing that people keep doing, basically the bane of my existence at the moment, "You know what's a good name Jeff?!  MINE!  NAME YOUR KID AFTER ME OR FOREVER REGRET IT!"

I get it, you like your name, or your middle name, or want so and so named after so and so.  That's cool, go make your own kid.  Breaking news, we picked a name.  It's done.  And any future kid we pretty much got it figured out.  So maybe instead of asking us to name our kid after you, say congrats and let's talk about Sam Bradford going to the Vikes or any other current event of your choosing.

I have also noticed how much more I...well it's not judging, but it is.  I judge parents more now I think?  I will see them in public and think I would do something a different way.  So basically I am already becoming what most parents think they are, which is a know it all.  Kid's not even out yet, so it will give me time to not be as judgy, but I'm kind of a judgy person anyway so...GOOD LUCK TO ME!



I gotta start doing some preparation on how to raise a girl.  I gotta figure out how to do a ponytail.  I gotta get my tea party etiquette prepared.  I definitely gotta figure out which Powerpuff Girl is which, but I think I like Bubbles the most?

Not becoming over protective, that is extremely important, but I have a daughter so of course that means I gotta buy a gun, right?  Is that the big joke?  Or do people actually do that?  I have a friend, he lives in northern South Dakota, I can definitely see him pulling a gun out on a prospective date of his kid.  That's not something I'll do, but I get the joke, I just hope I raise her well enough to not pick someone that majorly sucks (I can't wait to look back on this in 16-20 years).  I can read people like a book, and as soon as she's old enough to start dating, I am just not gonna have a good time, unless it's one of my friends kid of course.

Also limiting the Facebook pictures on a kid I have talked about ad nauseum (look it up).  This was discussed with my mother in law today (you'll admit you read my blog sooner or later!)  My wife and I don't want to plaster our daughter all over Facebook.  Or Twitter.  Or Instagram.  Or even Friendster.
Putting a picture up every so is cool.  Important events are fine, occasional "look at my cute kid!" posts are alright.  But every day is nuts to me (no offense to those of you who do, if that's your thing, do it, like Sheryl Crow said, "If it makes you happy."...).  Or putting up pics of your kid to get internet points, just not gonna be my thing.  Also you never know how some people really are, know what I mean?  A few years ago Jared was just some guy who lost weight eating Subway.  Michael Jackson was just some guy who made the best pop album of all time.  Then when the kid is old enough to decide what goes up, she can do it, just please, please, please, do not become an Instagram girl.

Kids toys these days are freaking awesome btw.  B t dubs.  By the way.  The technology now is so insane that a toy phone is more realistic than the Kyocera phone I had when I first purchased my cell phone.



I'm not gonna lie, I will probably play with the toys first to make sure they work, gotta stay young at heart.

I am looking forward to watching football games with my daughter.  I love sports.  I like the University of Michigan, my wife likes Nebraska, it's cool if she likes either, that's fine.  My wife and I both LOVE the 49'ers, if she ever dates a guy who likes another team and switches allegiances I am already upset!

Also, due to my friend Aaron being here last week, we have figured out each route she could use to sneak out of my house.  This isn't my first rodeo, and I cannot wait to make that known.  Also I have a good memory (well, if Kyle and Travis are reading this, maybe it's starting to go to crap), so I know where all my liquor is and how much of it I have at any given time.  Try me future daughter....

Kids are expensive....already!  There are so many things to buy with a kid on the way.  Tonight we looked at what the kid will wear on the first day she is born, that's like...a thing.  Daily things that we have looked at to purchase for a kid that won't remember wearing it.  So crazy!  Luckily my sister in law (I will not take the time to put the - in between anything in law, people came to this blog for entertainment, not a grammar lesson!) gave us a literal car full of stuff to take home.

I respect those who had a mistake kid (like me) and made do with what they could without the assistance of being filmed by MTV.  Props to any single mom or dad out there who made it work with what you had (good job mom). Zero props to any parent who ran away from the responsibility of helping a child grow. (F you dad).  Or dads that would rather go fishing then get a job and go to work to raise your family.

With all of this being said, it is the most exciting, crazy, awesome thing ever.  She is now kicking, which is crazy, and hilarious to me because she probably keeps my wife up at night while I'm snoring away.  And my wife is going to be such a great mom, she is just going to be amazing, and I think I can be an above average dad.  This is going to be fun, stressful and a hell of a ride.  See you soon kid, I can't wait.

Jeff Kleeman