This fall has been quite the exciting time! Our daughter just started kindergarten, while our son just moved to a new preschool. With those two things comes all the activities, the driving, the cussing, the anger, the happiness we're leaving the activity, the "wow you did great!", with the next sentence being "I can't believe that car almost hit that kid, what the fuck did they just learn how to drive!?".
This morning I dropped my kids off and here's what happened. The awkward meet up at a door where another parent holds the door open for you, so my daughter goes to get the door and my son is behind and a door hits him in the face. Then of course dropping my son off to his door while we're on a time limit to get to kindergarten on time, while we're waiting for another parent who won't stop talking to my kids teacher about nothing of importance, while I wait to ask a question to the teacher about my son using the term "poopy butt" too much.
Then leaving and instantly getting cut off by a parent as I'm trying to leave, who then cuts another person off and honks at them. THEN we get to preschool and I walk my daughter to the door, making awkward conversation with someone I've met twice about Sonic the Hedgehog when my daughter has a question, but a dad I just met gets in between us and starts talking to me because he also wants to discuss Sonic the Hedgehog.
The mornings get a little hectic these days, but hey I got a blog idea out of it. Here are the different type of parents you will experience each day, one of them could be you!
Mom Trying Too Hard to Be Hot...Mom
I get it and clearly we all love when you show up, but we're old now. If you gotta get super hot at 7 in the morning, more power to you, but I'm showing up to drop my kids off in neon shorts and a Space Jam t-shirt, PROBABLY while wearing a mismatched hat to hide my bed hair.
If your job requires getting dressed up, that's fine, pick the month and usually my job does too. But I'm far less shallow now, I'm more likely to think you're just as cool if you show up in a Spice Girls t-shirt and mismatched sandals (SHOUT OUT TO MY NEW DROP OFF FRIEND WHO DID ONE OF THOSE TODAY!).
The Cool Dad
I think I'm a cool dad, but not this type of cool dad, because I have humility. This is the dad that always has those Mark McGwire sunglasses on or a polo/dress shirt where it's a solid color, but the collar is always white, below, two photo examples:
The kind of dad who when the kid falls you laugh at them and tell them to stop being a, we'll say wussy. And somehow they are always smirking. No reason to smirk so early in the morning. Or at night after a long day. Actually adulthood should have zero smirking.
The Talks Too Much Parent
Earlier the parent who butt in wanting to tell me something, which was 100% okay and I like new friends, but wait a second because I want to hear what my daughter has to say. Ever get in one of those conversations and they won't stop talking? I know when this happens because I am guilty of this 25% of the time, I am 1/4 The Talks Too Much Parent. But I also can read a room, so when I'm done with the story I must blurt out, I switch gears.
But the ones who can't read a room and you're talking to someone about North Dakota while you are just dropping off your kid, we gotta not do that. (This is 100% a conversation that happened and unless you're talking the movie Fargo or maybe how good NDSU football and Trey Lance are, nobody should ever talk about the 4th worst state in the country).
The Talks to Everyone Parent
This is 3/4 me. I will attempt to talk to anyone, including the Real Quiet Parent. I moved to Lincoln 2 years ago and I would like to make some more friends. Is that a crime!? Is the best place to do it in the morning of a very stressful day when you drop off your kids? I'll ignore that answer because I'm trying anyway.
But I like a good chat in the morning, working from home for essentially two years has made me miss social interaction. So if I am that annoying parent, and I am, just politely nod and I'll stop...after getting my question out of the way, because I 1/4th talk too much...arguably more.
Also I'll use this as a parents friends ad, but you, yes you, if you like music and going to movies and going to bed by 10-10:30 PM but still like to drink do I have a couple for you! Also, if you are knowledgeable on 90's hip hop and professional wrestling, I'm just saying, we're available.
The Real Quiet Parent
I respect you. I like that you just show up, you stand and nod. If someone talks to you, you have a one sentence response, if not one word. You walk away mid conversation, sure that hurts my feelings, but I 100% get it. I always get along with the silent people because I can do the talking for the both of us. I also wonder how your home interactions are? Not in a negative way. But in a "Does your kid talk?" kind of way. Moving on!
The I'm Always Late Parent But Don't Care
You pull out and see the parent blaring some soft rock, maybe Evanescence. Or Pink. Okay it's both at the same time. Or if it's the dad it's Drake. But they are always late because they are horrible with time. I can't even describe what they look like because the only look that describes them is late, but I'm sure they are holding a coffee from Scooters or Starbucks that if they just did that after they picked up their kids, they would 100% be on time.
The I'm Always Late Parent But I Do Care, But I'm Always Late Anyway
This parent has a cup of coffee left over from yesterday while she is holding today's coffee. While yelling at her kids to hurry up because they are late. But this person is usually nice 80% of the time, they just decided to have maybe 3 kids too many. Always in a mini van. So in a hurry. Usually the type to say as they are running away, "Sorry I'd talk but I gotta run!" but saying it to nobody in particular.
The We're Friends, But Only With Each Other Parents
If I was still in Vermillion, I would probably be this parent. But in Lincoln I don't know as many people, so it's usually a mixture of the cool dad, the hot mom and the talker parent. I want to be the talker parent! Get me in there! Put me in coach, I'm ready to play!
Usually talking about what their kid did this weekend, usually named Spencer or Bryce or Madeline or whatever, but always misspelled. So it's Spensur, Brise and Medlynnnnnnn. Maybe I don't want to be friends with them. Back to the bench!
The Bitch
This morning I had another story. I've crossed paths with this person maybe 4-5 times now because she likes to park in the exact same area that I do. Super selfish bitch. I had to go, but she keeps the door open so I can't reverse, with no regard for hurrying or being polite. Closes door, looks at you annoyed, then takes forever to get in her car. Super selfish bitch. Then because I was polite and waited, why not have her pull out in front of me? Makes sense.
Usually cuts in front of people...and cars...on the walk to class. 95% chance kid grows up to do this. I hate her.
There's a few more I can probably discuss here, but I think I got the gist! A quick run downs of the ones I don't want to go in-depth on, in no particular order:
- the bad parent
- the I'm on the phone parent
- the I'm on speaker phone parent for absolutely no reason
- the apologetic parent who has a shitty kid
And we did it! More blogs to come and the book is in the finishing stages of editing, so I should be ready to have it up by the end of October. If you're reading this, you might be in it, so I'll be asking for permission for the pictures in the middle of the book part of the book shortly.
Have a great Wednesday!
Jeff
