I love this title. It was going to be fuck daylight savings time, which was the reason for "parental advisory" but then I didn't want to sound like I'm giving parenting advice. If you're watching your kid and helping them learn and develop and you have a roof over their head, you're doing just fine.
Nope this article will be about parental observations because I haven't done one of these blogs in so long. Reason I haven't written my blog in a while? I'm writing my book! It's an autobiography about my life. Am I famous? No. Do I have great stories? Yes. Do I hope to make some money off of it and send it to a producer who I share the same name with and then have him option the rights to it and I make even more money off of it to pay off our student loans? Maybe. Here's parenting stuff I wanted to write about.
Daylight Savings is the worst. We all know this. It's definitely not needed anymore and it needs to go. Either keep the fall back or the spring forward time and fucking GET RID OF IT. It's great if you're in your 20's and you get an extra hour to get drunk and sleep in. It's great if you're not a parent, but like, sort of. It's cool to get that extra hour, but then it throws off your day. Then when it gets warm you lose an hour anyway. How is that fair? Fuck daylight savings.
Potty training a boy vs a girl is insanely different. Girls just go right away. No issues, at least for us. Boys. He's been potty trained since July. But boy does he love poop in his pants (Leo when you read this in the future, I hope you have stopped by then). The reason I'm writing about this is...well it was funny and gross lol. You ever garden or do something outside and get mud stuck in your finger nail? Yesterday I got poop stuck in my finger nail. It was quite the surprise. He had to poop, I didn't know there was poop in his pants, damn thing flew in the air and I caught it like a baseball, a little too well. But yeah, if parenting has done anything to me, it's made me not get sick to my stomach on poop and puke, so that's a win.
Daycare. Daycare is great and crappy at the same time. I love it because if you get a good one it's great. The kids learn things. Make friends. That's awesome. The crappy part? The daycare cold. Then we, the parents get it. Then the kid gets sick at daycare and they can't go to daycare where they initially got sick. Also, and I'll deal with this a lot more when I get older, shitty parents are the worst. Daycare providers reading this, you know exactly the kind I'm talking about. Also daycare should be free and the employees should make more money. That's 1 of 100 things wrong with everything right now. Tax the rich. Pay for daycare. Student loans. Education. Raise the minimum wage. Term limits. Wait, I thought this was about kids?
Halloween is the best. For every single age. 0-12. Trick or treating, free candy. 13-18. Parties, I'm assuming. Or put on a costume and still go, who cares? 18-25. College parties. 26-34 adult parties. 35-58 adult parties or hand out candy to trick or treaters which is fun or go out with your kids and get UNLIMITED FREE CANDY AS AN ADULT. We won't go past 58 but I'm guessing handing out candy is pretty cool to kids, but old people always hand out the shittiest candy. So listen up my generation, full size candy bars if you can afford it or at worst the bag with Baby Ruth's in them.
Back to the free candy. I haven't had this many Kit Kat's in years...and I love that. Thanks people!
Another thing that's true for all ages. Food shaped as things tastes better. Mac and cheese? Yeah it's good. Mac and cheese in the shape of Spongebob? Give me more. Same goes for sandwiches. Cut those things up, even in a triangle, boom tastes better. You cut them in to stars and circles? Holy shit, gourmet.
When do bubbles lose their appeal? Maybe bubbles start to suck at like age 7? But man do kids f'ing love bubbles. I walked in to my son's daycare last week and they were just sitting around a bubble machine, watching it like I used to watch movies in college when I was inebriated. I don't get it.
Movies now are crazy. And shows. Imagine having to wait like we did to watch a show. Or rent it? Now when the kids want to watch something, it's instant access. Lucky jerks. If I wanted to rent Ladybugs I had to go to the video store like a not normal 9 year old and pay $1. Also, I have no idea why I liked that crappy movie so much. Speaking of movies. How are there 4 Chipmunk movies!? Didn't we get it after movie one? Did we really need 3 more to help us progress the story of Dave and how he made friends with singing chipmunks and then used them and their talent? After the book is done, I might review children's movies, or movies in general from a realistic point of view. I'll call it, "Why?".
I think that's it for me. I won't write another of these for a while because I have a goal to finish this book by December 31st. After that, meh we'll see. Have a great day everyone. And screw leap year.
Jeff
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