The best idea my friend Cory ever came up with was a social media website called, myspacebook.com. Clearly a nice riff on the CLASSIC website MySpace, combining it with the formerly awesome, now a forever nuisance, Facebook. (Cory don't kill me! Plus you own socialdownfall, might as well buy myspacebook.com as well! Kaaaaaah!).
But now that Facebook sucks, I think it's time for a new social media to hit the scene (oh I'm aware of Snapchat, Instagram, the ill-fated MySpace comeback, Friendster, TikTok, etc...but this new website will eliminate the need for them all!). So this new website is going to have some ground rules. I don't want a bunch of the far sides (far left or right) ruining our fun. Let's call the site oldfriends.com.
Below is what will be needed to join this website.
- THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE, if you were on Facebook in 2005 up until they let anyone join, you're welcome to join. You just got automatic entry to this, you're an OG. Bonus points if you use your college password... jessicaalba4lyfe01...great password.
- your profile picture must be your first FB profile picture, mine is above! I clearly hated haircuts and loved thrift stores, think of me as a less white version of Macklemore.
- we get Tom back from MySpace to be everyone's friend.
- speaking of MySpace, you have to pick a song for your page, that was bad ass MySpace...I pick Disco Inferno by 50 Cent...it's sentimental, taking me back to a simpler time.
- a limit on friends and you must put them in order (like MySpace). If someone you met at a work training adds you on this, they immediately get kicked off due to awkwardness...trust me.
- poking is back! But since we're old, by this point instead of a finger, the icon it will be a cane.
- remember Mafia Wars? Yeah, it will be highly recommended that everyone has to play that.
- if you broke up, were broken up with, even if you were first grade sweethearts, you aren't friend. You know you're looking at your exes shit, stop being weird.
- we're losing money on this project, don't you worry, I'm paying for your fun, so no ads. No outside influence. The only outside influence I want, is when you make an event and it ends up being a total rager, I want the cops to show up like every time we did the same thing in 2006.
- speaking of losing money, timed mobile access. We're on our phones enough, laptop, desktop or WEBTV only. Hey, remember WEBTV?!? After, oh let's say 10 hours a week, you're booted. That should suffice...because 10 is a bonkers amount of time to be on one site.
Next is for the people that want to join. It's gonna be tough...get your pens and paper out, jot down some notes.
IF YOU JOINED AFTER EVERYONE GAINED ACCESS. You have to commit to the following:
- no opinions...about anything. Just say hi, plan a party or poke me...it's basically college all over again.
- no links can be shared. Dangerous game of this developed when FB let the oldies join. (personal favorite, that helicopters were holding a blanket, covering Mt. Rushmore during a government shut down, this was shared by an adult...who votes...go on, guess who she voted for and her stance on masks).
- no reposts, ESPECIALLY from a radio station asking you clearly password related questions. The make and model of my first car PLUS my social security number? If you insist Power 94.5.
- you get no picture...I want to like you for who you are...not what you filter. You get one month to choose the perfect picture...here's what won't get you disqualified.
- tucking your shirt in unless you're in a dress shirt, unless it's ironic. If you're at a white trash party and you tuck in your shirt in to jorts, sure. If you're just white trash and tuck your shirt in to jorts...
- anything political, I almost said no to any red hat (including the Cardinals YUCK), but the Fred Durst red hat is back babaaay! Keep on rollin', you know what time it is!
Then of course rules for staying on the site, your kicked off if you suck. It'll be put to a vote by who you befriend. If they think you're being a little off over the top, you can go.
And that's it! There's more to add, so if I missed anything let me know. In other news I've had another blog written for the past week. It started out as a parenting question as to how I constantly seem to be washing clothes. Turned in to a motivating "you can do it!" about being parents/spouses/whatever. Then it turned in to a wtf is wrong with people about the vaccine and masking. Do I release the blog? I don't know. I do know it's going to piss some of you off. I guess it wouldn't be allowed on oldfriends.com would it?
Thanks for reading!
Jeff Kleeman
PS I know the numbers of my music posts are garbage, but I need to listen to each of my vinyls and take a break from buying them, so I'm going to listen to 2-4 vinyls a week and do some reviews, cuz why the f not?
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