My coworker today who is about 15 years younger than me asked me what it's like to turn 40? For me personally, it's not too bad, well besides a few of the tiny negatives I'll discuss below. I will say, some days all I really want to do is throw a party with flip cup and beer pong, but have the party end by 10 pm, while playing one hit wonders from the 90's and 2000's, perhaps doing the music draft drinking game. Is that too much to ask? It seems like yesterday I was throwing beer pong tourneys or having reunion parties that weren't hard to plan, life comes at you pretty fast!
Turning 40 means a few things:
1. Hair is getting weird. You're either losing it or getting it in weird places. I remember talking to my uncle back in the day and staring at his ear hair, "that'll never happen to me!" I said... unrelated, the ear trimmer is one of the best purchases I've ever made. (note to self: make humorous blog in the future on really stupid shit you've bought that's amazing...like the ear trimmer).
2. You're starting to figure some things out. Maybe the best thing I ever figured out, I was a young 38 year old, but everyone is faking it. Nobody knows wtf they are doing and if they say they are, they're lying. So you're fine. Go do whatever, nobody has it perfect except for two people (the answer is at the bottom of this blog, and in no way am I going to say it's the AT&T girl).
3. Friend groups do start to change. If you're reading this, there's a 75% chance we're friends since I'm only sharing this on FB. If you told me 10 years ago that I'd have friends who support a president who tried to steal a presidency, I would've asked, "What are you smoking, pal!? Seriously, what are you smoking?" But 10 years ago I also would've told you there's no way there'd be a sequel to Top Gun or that Kate Bush would have a number 1 song in 2022 or that people hate Chris Pratt or...I can go on and on, you get the gist.
People change, and that's one of the things I think I've struggled with the most in this post-2016 world of craziness. My point of view isn't entirely right 100% of the time, but what in the living fuck am I missing? You like red hats? Do you think January 6th was a fun field trip? I don't know how so many smart people can go down that road and be...fine with it? Most of these people have kids, kids repeat behaviors they see, and from what the "evil" media is showing, (both parties suck btw, but one is a tiny less evil) is that there is a serious danger to how a lot of people in power are acting. (If you would've told me 10 years ago what would happen on January 6th actually happened AND that James Franco wasn't a cool guy!?).
Arguing about wearing a mask to save someone's life...is odd. Laughing about having better gun laws to protect so many innocent people who are just going out and living their life (ESPECIALLY with Buffalo and Uvalde)...is odd. Telling a woman what to do with her body so a life can come in to the world and not get the help he or she needs because a church, (that should be taxed btw), is really in the pockets of so many politicians (also the NRA isn't taxed either and there should be a limit on donations and from whom...but that'll never happen), THEN the dirty politicians rig the system where nothing matters that's voted on and nobody is in control of their own life, they are controlled by a bunch of piece of shit, old rich men and women who have nothing in common with you (no matter what you think, the only thing you have in common with Trump is liking Diet Coke)....is odd. (If you would've told me ten years ago I would've typed that long ass run-on sentence and that Coca Cola would have a flavor from outer space?! WHAT!?)
The troubling thing myself and most have noticed in the past few years, bad behavior is really trending up, and there are zero repercussions. The sad thing we should've noticed because it's been in plain sight this whole time, there was always this bubbling anger underneath, and correct me if I'm wrong, but Trump winning really brought that out, didn't it? And now it's completely fine to have a flag saying Fuck Biden on it, or some asshole driving around Lincoln with the N word on his car, or some defiant asshole calling everyone a pussy for wearing a mask...all of whom have kids who see this shit (clearly I think swearing is fine)...but you scoff at what was brought up just above just for people's safety...fuck you. (If you told me 10 years ago that I would be upset about people's parenting and that there weren't any CD players in cars anymore...)
So friendships change, you move away and start new lives. You surround yourself with people of like minds...when you find the time. You start to only hear the opinion of people who share the same exact thoughts and viewpoints as you. Then you start to hate people who are different, then that affects some friendships. Here's a fun ice breaker for possible new friends, ask someone you just met their thoughts on Colin Kaepernick, whichever answer they give will help you decide if you're friends or not. (If you told me 10 years ago that Kaepernick hadn't brought the 49'ers at least 2 more Super Bowl's and that Michigan would only beat Ohio St 1 time in those TEN YEARS!?!?).
The thing I would like to delve in to sometime, is how bad 2005 was for society? What's affected us worse from that year, looser gun laws being passed or social media becoming the norm?
4. Still with me after that? I'm gonna get some texts, pm's and telegrams, oh well.
You really start to figure out certain scams as you get older. Scams that help me? Oh no, no, no. Scams that take money out of everyone's pocket and there's nothing you can do about it! What are the scams!?
- Taxes: where do they go? Why do they take so much? Why do rich people not pay them and poor people do? How about only tax the super rich? That way accountants can keep their jobs. You don't need to tax some poor...literally...person who is working at a gas station and as a janitor and can't afford to keep their lights on at home, all the while taking care of a family that may or may not in the future be forced to have a kid they can't afford...damn run on sentences.
- Daycare: It's the most needed commodity that will be on this list. But the average person shells out so much money for daycare, only for it to really fuck you over. What do I mean? A disease infested daycare where your kid will get sick, then the daycare will tell you to take your kid home, which is FINE, because sick kids shouldn't be at daycare. But some parents have to take their kids to daycare because they can't find care at home or stay home because they have to work. So those kids get my kids sick, then I have to stay home, then the kids can't go back for a certain amount of time so you're paying a daycare bonkers money for them to not watch your kid, while you miss work. THEN, if you want to leave the daycare, it's either a 2 or 4 week notice. I literally don't know how people struggling to make ends meat make it.
(Also I have met some AMAZING teachers at daycare that would do anything for these kids, who deserve better facilities, but the owners pocket most of the money and leave them with no budget...or at home daycare's where they just put movies on for an entire day and fuck around on Facebook all day).
- Insurance: Oh, the biggest scam of them all. Health insurance doesn't cover a thing and takes the majority of people's paychecks. I...hmmm, how to word this? I know of someone who was hired for a job that had a few kids, she needed a job just so her kids would have insurance. Insurance took up 3/4th's of her paycheck and she worked in...wait for it...THE MEDICAL FIELD. Shouldn't you get something back? Shouldn't the system be set up so there's free health care!? No!? Imagine if that lady had NO health insurance to pay for, how she could save for her kids, pay off other bills or god forbid buy something nice for herself and enjoy life. Her splurge was Subway, the only person who splurged on Subway is doing time...(if you told me 10 years ago...).
- The Work Week: 40 hours is unneeded, Monday - Friday is outdated. Vacation time is non-existent. We prioritize work so much and then you get old, then you retire, then you hopefully have at least 2 decades to enjoy, I really hope you, yes YOU, get that.
It just seems like there should be something better out there for so many people who go to college, who then leave with a ton of debt and hopefully no STD's, then get in a very competitive workforce to be unhappy. In my book I'm writing, I go into great detail on all the jobs I've had because I've always believed happiness trumps (is that why you like him? Cuz his fake last name is such a great word!?) being miserable, and trust me, at some jobs I have been MISERABLE. Luckily I have been lucky enough to be so good at the interview process, I never had trouble finding a job. And now it's cool to job jump, so take that my old boss at Enterprise who told me I'd never amount to anything!
So that's just a few things that getting older has done for me. That and getting to the age where I keep hearing about people having affairs. I've said this joke to my wife, there's no way I could cheat, by 8 PM each night I'm so exhausted I can't even read a book. I'm sadly more impressed that anyone can have the energy, physical or mental, for infidelity. I can't even remember my kids names sometimes. That and dealing with one person's bullshit is enough, imagine having to put the effort in to two, or even three!?!? Again, tip of the cap I suppose.
So that about does it, I honestly can't wait to see what 50 brings!? My kids will be teenagers, so that'll be a whole new world of chaos. I do hope things get better, but sadly it seems like every single time there's a step forward, there's a solid 80 steps back everyone is making. (Judging by my proofread of this blog, this blog might infuriate enough where I don't write another one of these until I'm 50...).
Thanks for reading.
PS
WHO HAS IT PERFECT ANSWER!? Former NBA player Robert Horry and...you guessed it, Milana "AT&T Girl" Vayntrub.
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